when I was young ever since I was a
young boy there was a phrase that
constantly kept jumping back at me and
although it came in different sentence
structures they always found its way
back boys
don’t cry now it didn’t matter if I’d
fallen off a swing and hurt myself if it
was my first day at a new school or if I
was genuinely just desperate for
attention I was constantly reminded that
if I truly was a boy I wouldn’t cry and
it came from everywhere parents teachers
friends television even my doctor said
it I guess what I’m trying to say is
that it came from society Society
claimed that if a boy or a man is to cry
there is something wrong with him almost
as though masculinity is fragile enough
to be broken by a drop of water but
growing up I took it now I wipe my tears
and put on a brave face I tried to fit
society’s mold of a boy and then I
started to get bullied a lot and for the
land along with the generic boys don’t
cry came more sexist in stereotypical
terms like don’t act like a girl now for
the longest time when I cried I tried to
make sure I was alone because I didn’t
need another reminder on how to be a boy
what I needed was an outlet
what I needed was a way to let go of all
the negative energy that was building up
inside of me and then something
remarkable happened
so let’s flashback to the eighth grade
I’m in my student in my school
counselor’s office on the word of a
breakdown and as I try to find the words
to tell her what’s wrong I start to cry
and immediately I wipe my tears and I
think I’m sorry I I don’t mean to cry
and you know what she does she pulls out
a tissue hands it over to me and says
it’s okay you’re allowed to pull imagine
that after years and years of being told
I shouldn’t this woman in an instant
tells me I can and then I did I cried
over everything I possibly could pray
about whether it was this this tore my
personal favorite this high school when
I started high school things were Rocky
as they always are I mean it’s high
school but I knew that no matter how
intense things got I could deal with it
almost as though I had a switch when
everything’s got too messy or too
complicated I just step back flip the
switch cry and let all the negativity
flow out this way there wasn’t a
constant buildup of negativity and I
started looking at life more positively
and then I didn’t even feel the need to
cry that much anymore because just
knowing that I had an outlet that if I
wanted to I could allowed me to become
more emotionally in charge of myself but
what would have happened if I was never
told that I’m allowed to I realized that
society from the get-go constantly tells
boys that they’re softer
an emotional side is less credible
almost as though they’re not allowed to
talk about their feelings or vent their
feelings or cry about their feelings
because that’s not what guys do this
leaves room for what the harder and
logical side now this isn’t a problem
not completely anyway it is important
for humans to be concrete and logical
however this turns into a problem when
guys began to grow up and they’re put
into complicated situations and trials
of life because they’ve never been told
that they’re allowed they’ve never had a
switch and then society says to them
deal with it like a man so now when a
problem stands before us and we’re lost
we wipe our tears and we deal with it
and then another problem occurs and we
deal with that too and then another and
we deal and then another and another and
another and each time we deal with it
but what happens when we just can’t deal
with it anymore think about it what
happens to a man when he loses someone
to death or is in a toxic relationship
when a husband is sacked out of a job
her brother is diagnosed with a terminal
illness when your best friend puts in
blood sweat and bone but bill doesn’t
pass that exam or when a soldier is
stationed far far away from his baby
girl and fears that the first time he’s
holding her might be the last put
yourselves in those heavy shoes for just
a second and imagine then
being told to deal with it
the constant suppression of a male’s
emotions here after day after day year
after year layer over layer what happens
when there’s no more space left to
suppress these emotions when all that
masculinity and all that macho and all
that strength finally wears out
statistics say that men are three times
more likely to become dependent on
substances such as alcohol drugs or
cigarettes it also says that one in
eight men are likely to be diagnosed
with a common mental illness like
anxiety or OCD and suicide suicide is
the leading cause for four of men of
death for men 135 but wait this can’t
show the whole picture I mean how could
it these are chest percentages and
recordings taken off of men who have
actually spoken up but even then there
are men in the world who even in the
roughest points in their life feel like
their emotions aren’t valid to be spoken
about or valid to be expressed and then
what happens
they break down they don’t have a strong
connection with their emotional science
which causes them to be paralyzed from
figuring out what’s causing these
emotions to arise how to deal with them
and how to put them into words and then
comes denial and comes anger then what’s
the main outlet for anger violence and
in many ways we know how this violence
reflects at home in social circles and
communities we hear it on the radio we
read in the news we see it on social
media every single day and in a world
that’s already so consumed with violence
hate and anger why must we continuously
send our boys on a path that leads to
more anger that trains them to be so
rough and so tough for many people
crying is a sign of weakness but not for
me I see it differently I think that
crying is in fact the sign of a stronger
human being regardless of gender because
this human being has a connection
between this and this so why don’t we
nurture more men more boys to develop
this connection and let’s start early
let’s give them the switch because what
we need to do is transform the way
society raises boys and continuously
tells them that their emotions cannot be
spoken about or that they can’t cry
about it what this will do in the long
run is that when a boy grows up and it’s
put in a messy messy situation
his response to that situation will be
an intricate blend of soft and heart of
emotion and logic there won’t be a
constant suppression over time of
emotions which could lead to a healthier
lifestyle boys and men would understand
and be more likely to understand the
consequences of their words and actions
on other people and maybe just maybe
dare I say we won’t feel the need to be
so dominating all the time
phrases like boys don’t cry and don’t
act like a girl will eventually become
obsolete as they should because if we’re
constantly Canadian tears and weakness
with tears and crying with weakness and
fragility then why is it okay for us to
let our girls cry if we want to raise
strong independent women then we cannot
let society constantly tell them that
being weak and fragile is something that
just comes with their gender no I
genuinely believe that as boys grow up
they either connect or disconnect with
their emotional sides in this connection
that I develop when I was young it’s
helped me grow into a more positive
person it’s helped me look at life with
the balance and after years and years of
being told that I shouldn’t cry I found
my strength in crime and that’s why
today I can stand here without fear of
judgement and tell you that I do cry
when needed to I guess what
society really needs to do is start with
the emission of two letters thank you
[Applause]
young boy there was a phrase that
constantly kept jumping back at me and
although it came in different sentence
structures they always found its way
back boys
don’t cry now it didn’t matter if I’d
fallen off a swing and hurt myself if it
was my first day at a new school or if I
was genuinely just desperate for
attention I was constantly reminded that
if I truly was a boy I wouldn’t cry and
it came from everywhere parents teachers
friends television even my doctor said
it I guess what I’m trying to say is
that it came from society Society
claimed that if a boy or a man is to cry
there is something wrong with him almost
as though masculinity is fragile enough
to be broken by a drop of water but
growing up I took it now I wipe my tears
and put on a brave face I tried to fit
society’s mold of a boy and then I
started to get bullied a lot and for the
land along with the generic boys don’t
cry came more sexist in stereotypical
terms like don’t act like a girl now for
the longest time when I cried I tried to
make sure I was alone because I didn’t
need another reminder on how to be a boy
what I needed was an outlet
what I needed was a way to let go of all
the negative energy that was building up
inside of me and then something
remarkable happened
so let’s flashback to the eighth grade
I’m in my student in my school
counselor’s office on the word of a
breakdown and as I try to find the words
to tell her what’s wrong I start to cry
and immediately I wipe my tears and I
think I’m sorry I I don’t mean to cry
and you know what she does she pulls out
a tissue hands it over to me and says
it’s okay you’re allowed to pull imagine
that after years and years of being told
I shouldn’t this woman in an instant
tells me I can and then I did I cried
over everything I possibly could pray
about whether it was this this tore my
personal favorite this high school when
I started high school things were Rocky
as they always are I mean it’s high
school but I knew that no matter how
intense things got I could deal with it
almost as though I had a switch when
everything’s got too messy or too
complicated I just step back flip the
switch cry and let all the negativity
flow out this way there wasn’t a
constant buildup of negativity and I
started looking at life more positively
and then I didn’t even feel the need to
cry that much anymore because just
knowing that I had an outlet that if I
wanted to I could allowed me to become
more emotionally in charge of myself but
what would have happened if I was never
told that I’m allowed to I realized that
society from the get-go constantly tells
boys that they’re softer
an emotional side is less credible
almost as though they’re not allowed to
talk about their feelings or vent their
feelings or cry about their feelings
because that’s not what guys do this
leaves room for what the harder and
logical side now this isn’t a problem
not completely anyway it is important
for humans to be concrete and logical
however this turns into a problem when
guys began to grow up and they’re put
into complicated situations and trials
of life because they’ve never been told
that they’re allowed they’ve never had a
switch and then society says to them
deal with it like a man so now when a
problem stands before us and we’re lost
we wipe our tears and we deal with it
and then another problem occurs and we
deal with that too and then another and
we deal and then another and another and
another and each time we deal with it
but what happens when we just can’t deal
with it anymore think about it what
happens to a man when he loses someone
to death or is in a toxic relationship
when a husband is sacked out of a job
her brother is diagnosed with a terminal
illness when your best friend puts in
blood sweat and bone but bill doesn’t
pass that exam or when a soldier is
stationed far far away from his baby
girl and fears that the first time he’s
holding her might be the last put
yourselves in those heavy shoes for just
a second and imagine then
being told to deal with it
the constant suppression of a male’s
emotions here after day after day year
after year layer over layer what happens
when there’s no more space left to
suppress these emotions when all that
masculinity and all that macho and all
that strength finally wears out
statistics say that men are three times
more likely to become dependent on
substances such as alcohol drugs or
cigarettes it also says that one in
eight men are likely to be diagnosed
with a common mental illness like
anxiety or OCD and suicide suicide is
the leading cause for four of men of
death for men 135 but wait this can’t
show the whole picture I mean how could
it these are chest percentages and
recordings taken off of men who have
actually spoken up but even then there
are men in the world who even in the
roughest points in their life feel like
their emotions aren’t valid to be spoken
about or valid to be expressed and then
what happens
they break down they don’t have a strong
connection with their emotional science
which causes them to be paralyzed from
figuring out what’s causing these
emotions to arise how to deal with them
and how to put them into words and then
comes denial and comes anger then what’s
the main outlet for anger violence and
in many ways we know how this violence
reflects at home in social circles and
communities we hear it on the radio we
read in the news we see it on social
media every single day and in a world
that’s already so consumed with violence
hate and anger why must we continuously
send our boys on a path that leads to
more anger that trains them to be so
rough and so tough for many people
crying is a sign of weakness but not for
me I see it differently I think that
crying is in fact the sign of a stronger
human being regardless of gender because
this human being has a connection
between this and this so why don’t we
nurture more men more boys to develop
this connection and let’s start early
let’s give them the switch because what
we need to do is transform the way
society raises boys and continuously
tells them that their emotions cannot be
spoken about or that they can’t cry
about it what this will do in the long
run is that when a boy grows up and it’s
put in a messy messy situation
his response to that situation will be
an intricate blend of soft and heart of
emotion and logic there won’t be a
constant suppression over time of
emotions which could lead to a healthier
lifestyle boys and men would understand
and be more likely to understand the
consequences of their words and actions
on other people and maybe just maybe
dare I say we won’t feel the need to be
so dominating all the time
phrases like boys don’t cry and don’t
act like a girl will eventually become
obsolete as they should because if we’re
constantly Canadian tears and weakness
with tears and crying with weakness and
fragility then why is it okay for us to
let our girls cry if we want to raise
strong independent women then we cannot
let society constantly tell them that
being weak and fragile is something that
just comes with their gender no I
genuinely believe that as boys grow up
they either connect or disconnect with
their emotional sides in this connection
that I develop when I was young it’s
helped me grow into a more positive
person it’s helped me look at life with
the balance and after years and years of
being told that I shouldn’t cry I found
my strength in crime and that’s why
today I can stand here without fear of
judgement and tell you that I do cry
when needed to I guess what
society really needs to do is start with
the emission of two letters thank you
[Applause]
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