[Music]
I did literature in this Cetina in a big
College close by in Naga baucom and I
studied literature so that I don’t have
to ever give PowerPoint presentation
ever I was raised in in Chennai I I grew
up in Kodambakkam
I was diagnosed with having a penis
which meant I had to study for
engineering entrance exams all my
friends who were diagnosed with the same
condition we’re studying for the same
entrance exam but I only wanted to write
poems which rhymed I just wanted to read
but anyway whatever it was I was I
didn’t have friends I spent my days as a
boy days and weeks by myself
in fact so many days by myself that I
thought one of those days a halo would
appear behind me
and I will figure out the meaning of
life so that was more or less how I grew
up in fact it was so bad that I wanted
the government to appoint my friends and
make it illegal for people to ignore me
the way my life unfolded I think the
government was involved in the
friendship department I do concede that
maybe something was wrong with me or
maybe I was born in an age where it was
just easy for people to just fly away
you just like someone and the next day
his father is transferred and they
vanished or maybe I just overestimated
the importance of being solitary as an
artist as a person who wanted to be a
writer or maybe just maybe I’m just
saying a guess maybe I had high
standards for friends maybe the secret
to a very rich social life is to have
low standards for friends and it’s a
secret everybody knew but nobody told me
I know
do you sometimes feel that there is
something everybody knows about life and
nobody’s telling you I feel I feel that
way all the time I did have some friends
I’d been I I am qualified to talk about
friends by the way because I’ve grown up
seeing other people have them and I also
had a few and when I was in $1.00 sent I
observed that they were all of they were
all very different different heights
different shapes different casts
different class classes different
languages when I became an adult it was
all the same the same kind of people
same shapes same height same class but
when I was in $1.00 cent in Chennai they
were all different
the only thing common was they were all
where they kept insulting each other at
least the boys that Soetoro friends
friends or people who insult each other
though sometimes I wondered both I want
to understand are you guys friends or
foes do you like each other or do you
hate each other
I never got that and this is phenomenon
between friends which was best expressed
or confessed to by the writer gore Vidal
something in me dies when a friend does
well
I’m too ashamed that you got this joke
what does it say about you I’ve seen
that look of something dying in a man
many times as I grew up in fact
sometimes I would be worried that had
not succeeded enough if I don’t see that
look on our friends in a franchise you
know it’s always reassuring that slight
look of death you know except for
friends every other relationship is very
clearly defined Oh
parents of course we know that mean
they’re legally entitled to screw you up
in Chennai the chennai parents are the
ambassador’s of entrance type I mean an
objective type entrance exams without
without parents in China I don’t think
that concept only will exist and we know
spouse is the primary suspect in the
unnatural death of the other spouse and
siblings we know are our rivals for
limited resources though that sounds
like married people who have been
married for 15 years or above siblings
that’s what I mean I know so every other
relationship is well defined and all
these deep relationship people still
claim when they want to elevate the
relationship they say but we are friends
like this deep relationship is not
enough they have to save your friend
like father’s like we want to be modern
and who also want to say they are very
the relationship with the son is deep
they say but we are friends and he will
give the guy a condom it’s like that
consecrates the friendship between the
father and the son well it’s like the
son no son doesn’t have a girl probably
but he gets a condom with the father
it’s like in Tamil Nadu they give the
port and not the water
so that’s exactly what the Sun was like
with my father and he’s also a condom
vending machine once a year and of
course mothers claim that they are
Friends of the daughters when they are
actually when they want to say that
quietly sneak into the email account of
my daughter and checking on what she’s
doing and of course everybody all
relationship you know what I’m talking
about
they all claim that they are friends but
what do people mean though when they say
that they are friends according to my
own anthropological notes I think what
makes sense is that actually people are
saying we are not genetically related to
each other I think that could be a
definition of friends but make sense to
me or we are not sexually related to
each other actually I feel that a
friendship is probably a low-stakes
relationship where there there is no
expectation from the other so it seems
rich and everybody has a good time maybe
that’s that’s probably a definition of
friends because only I think no matter
what spouses say no matter what father’s
saying I think only friends are friends
despite my deepest childhood hope it is
the only relationship that the
government does not define friends this
relationship I believe has become the
most powerful relationship in the world
today definitely it’s highly monetized
but it is also people don’t realize I
think how influential this relationship
is today but the invention of social
media you can sit in one place and
filter out human beings it’s like I
don’t want this I don’t want this and
this we want diversity from plums but
not in our own friends circle we want
what we are comfortable with and
reaching it’s so easy to filter out
people and stick to very similar types
as to what binds us all together I think
we have very intelligent answers we are
very flattering answers
but I think something else is going on I
think the most underreported cause for
binding of friends is weakness human
weaknesses you have you have a wound you
have a grouse you have a past or you’re
one of those angry majority types you
know is very angry a frothing in your
mouth you want other people are also
frothing in the mouth so maybe that is
what brings people together which I find
very fascinating because we as human
beings we are collectors we collect our
own which takes us to the central
quality of friendship friendship is
political that’s what it is and modern
friendship more so in the heart of this
friendship is you you are the superstar
of this modern powerful relationship and
that’s why it works and that’s what
Facebook knows there was a time when to
be famous you had to do something and to
you had to do something very well and
three you have to do something which a
lot of people have come to know about
but I think now there is a thematic
shift to fame itself today you can be
famous to twenty people I think you can
be on Facebook you just post a comment
or you post your infants photograph you
become a celebrity or just say that your
parent died that gets a lot of attention
for some reason these lists so you
become a celebrity and you have filtered
humanity in such a way that nobody is
going to tell you your infant’s are ugly
and your points are crap that is if you
filtered out people like me and you have
done your job as an individual who wants
very comforting friends but what does
this friendship cause I think it I think
modern friendship is changing the world
transforming the world in very profound
ways for instance
Oh friendship is a collaboration of
biases and opinions and views let’s say
you believe in something let’s say you
believe that cow dung can block nuclear
radiation I mean some people believe
that by later the PhD scholars who have
said it and there are people who want to
believe that or you believe for there
have been alien spotting and it doesn’t
occur to you why aliens are spotted only
in first world countries why doesn’t
anybody in Africa ever spot a UFO I have
no idea I think aliens are very
economically biased towards advanced
economies they don’t go they don’t go to
Uganda and all that but you believe that
let’s say all you want to believe India
as a Hindu country or you want to
believe India is a secular country
whatever that means or you want to
believe Christ is the true Lord what
will be your belief you will get a
corroboration from someone else that’s
your friend
and that’s very influential and the
friend believes in this because you
believe in it so you keep corroborating
each other so we’ve all become a bit of
that number but we could but we get
confirmation we get confirmation about
our beliefs from other people and
there’s something about people we think
are sane likes most people look semi
most of you look sane I don’t know you
at all actually oh and there’s something
about people with a corporate job and
two children exactly two children they
look very normal and respectable and
when they support your views and they
have a view you feel that that so you
view must be true you get that
corroboration
there’s something about absolute truth
forget absolute absolute facts I’m
journalist two facts always need
journalism to travel through in a human
head is a bit thick thicker than we
think
facts don’t travel very fast facts needs
journalism and historical anchors to
travel when facts are not part of news
they don’t
from one head to under the head what
travels is travels of
the speed of light and so the
transmission of the transmission of of
of which container
euphemistically called dilution it’s
possible only through the network of
friends normal-looking people with who
who always having good time you know
they transmit your ideas very well now
the thing is earlier if you’re not a
journalist you’re not a public figure
you’re not a politician
nobody knew your opinion you think of
your smart grandmother she had a lot of
opinions ask your mom but you never knew
and nobody knew the society didn’t know
or but now because of social media
everybody knows your opinion you don’t
have to be anybody now you’ve already
succumbed to the dilution you you make a
views public now you can’t go back so
that is another problem now earlier you
had a view then you read something they
got information then you could change
your view but now it could be very
dangerous for your social life to go
back on some of the views that you held
just because you read some right good
decent stuff so in that sense most of
journalism today has become meaningless
because you can’t change anything
anymore I feel you can’t change anything
in more people are said they’ve
committed they committed become they’re
committed with friends as evidence very
powerful bond one of the factors which
which get people so into friendship is
there was a time not far not not a not
long ago when it was extremely difficult
to get complements you have to again be
very good at something then we get a
compliment but today you just make a
post freeze people will say on us on the
social media well said brilliant
beautiful if you just have to post your
photograph
you know that someone is going to say
beautiful if I post my photograph trust
me I’ll be at least one person will say
beautiful and this very common
compliment of this age very common
compliment genius
everybody’s genius you know actually
what people are doing is people are
complimenting themselves because they
chose you because you are like them and
your view is exactly their view so this
in brilliant well said genius it’s the
same thing but we need we need to take
them seriously because it’s so pleasant
to get those compliments and we also
deliver a lot of our own and what has
happened is young people today are
insufferable because they’re so full of
confidence and in my profession I see a
lot of young writers because every week
they’ve heard that they are geniuses
there so they I mean they have no idea
how bad the copy is they are full of
confidence confidence is good writing is
a confidence cut I feel that here you
you don’t you should not think you’re
God when you’re writing you are God but
maybe that looks good when you are 50 60
you know not when you are 18 and you’ve
just soaked up my microwave genius so oh
they they are very confident until they
submit the debut novel to the publisher
and they get a rejection because when
people have to pay money they’re very
old-fashioned so that’s when they
realize oh maybe there is a mismatch
between what I hear about myself and on
the way the real world is reacting
lastly I mean all this aside there is
this question now in this golden age of
friendship or why are we still lonely I
think it’s reasonable question we feel
that if we are in a crowd of people who
are always complimenting us we should
not feel so lonely but I think that’s
almost like saying that if you have fat
you you should never feel hungry you
know it’s almost as ludicrous I think
this is the golden age of friendship
precisely because we are lonely and I
think we are lonely
two or two below well it is very
complicated to belong
we need to belong and we need to own
people emotionally and through other
terrifying means but in this age where
everybody wants to be free how do you
own someone and how do you belong to
someone I think that is the question of
loneliness and I think of quite doomed I
think we get more and more lonely as we
progress as we become more free as
individuals maybe that is the definition
of friends friends or people we probably
love but who we cannot own so they will
enjoy them but they will never solve our
loneliness thank you so much
[Applause]
I did literature in this Cetina in a big
College close by in Naga baucom and I
studied literature so that I don’t have
to ever give PowerPoint presentation
ever I was raised in in Chennai I I grew
up in Kodambakkam
I was diagnosed with having a penis
which meant I had to study for
engineering entrance exams all my
friends who were diagnosed with the same
condition we’re studying for the same
entrance exam but I only wanted to write
poems which rhymed I just wanted to read
but anyway whatever it was I was I
didn’t have friends I spent my days as a
boy days and weeks by myself
in fact so many days by myself that I
thought one of those days a halo would
appear behind me
and I will figure out the meaning of
life so that was more or less how I grew
up in fact it was so bad that I wanted
the government to appoint my friends and
make it illegal for people to ignore me
the way my life unfolded I think the
government was involved in the
friendship department I do concede that
maybe something was wrong with me or
maybe I was born in an age where it was
just easy for people to just fly away
you just like someone and the next day
his father is transferred and they
vanished or maybe I just overestimated
the importance of being solitary as an
artist as a person who wanted to be a
writer or maybe just maybe I’m just
saying a guess maybe I had high
standards for friends maybe the secret
to a very rich social life is to have
low standards for friends and it’s a
secret everybody knew but nobody told me
I know
do you sometimes feel that there is
something everybody knows about life and
nobody’s telling you I feel I feel that
way all the time I did have some friends
I’d been I I am qualified to talk about
friends by the way because I’ve grown up
seeing other people have them and I also
had a few and when I was in $1.00 sent I
observed that they were all of they were
all very different different heights
different shapes different casts
different class classes different
languages when I became an adult it was
all the same the same kind of people
same shapes same height same class but
when I was in $1.00 cent in Chennai they
were all different
the only thing common was they were all
where they kept insulting each other at
least the boys that Soetoro friends
friends or people who insult each other
though sometimes I wondered both I want
to understand are you guys friends or
foes do you like each other or do you
hate each other
I never got that and this is phenomenon
between friends which was best expressed
or confessed to by the writer gore Vidal
something in me dies when a friend does
well
I’m too ashamed that you got this joke
what does it say about you I’ve seen
that look of something dying in a man
many times as I grew up in fact
sometimes I would be worried that had
not succeeded enough if I don’t see that
look on our friends in a franchise you
know it’s always reassuring that slight
look of death you know except for
friends every other relationship is very
clearly defined Oh
parents of course we know that mean
they’re legally entitled to screw you up
in Chennai the chennai parents are the
ambassador’s of entrance type I mean an
objective type entrance exams without
without parents in China I don’t think
that concept only will exist and we know
spouse is the primary suspect in the
unnatural death of the other spouse and
siblings we know are our rivals for
limited resources though that sounds
like married people who have been
married for 15 years or above siblings
that’s what I mean I know so every other
relationship is well defined and all
these deep relationship people still
claim when they want to elevate the
relationship they say but we are friends
like this deep relationship is not
enough they have to save your friend
like father’s like we want to be modern
and who also want to say they are very
the relationship with the son is deep
they say but we are friends and he will
give the guy a condom it’s like that
consecrates the friendship between the
father and the son well it’s like the
son no son doesn’t have a girl probably
but he gets a condom with the father
it’s like in Tamil Nadu they give the
port and not the water
so that’s exactly what the Sun was like
with my father and he’s also a condom
vending machine once a year and of
course mothers claim that they are
Friends of the daughters when they are
actually when they want to say that
quietly sneak into the email account of
my daughter and checking on what she’s
doing and of course everybody all
relationship you know what I’m talking
about
they all claim that they are friends but
what do people mean though when they say
that they are friends according to my
own anthropological notes I think what
makes sense is that actually people are
saying we are not genetically related to
each other I think that could be a
definition of friends but make sense to
me or we are not sexually related to
each other actually I feel that a
friendship is probably a low-stakes
relationship where there there is no
expectation from the other so it seems
rich and everybody has a good time maybe
that’s that’s probably a definition of
friends because only I think no matter
what spouses say no matter what father’s
saying I think only friends are friends
despite my deepest childhood hope it is
the only relationship that the
government does not define friends this
relationship I believe has become the
most powerful relationship in the world
today definitely it’s highly monetized
but it is also people don’t realize I
think how influential this relationship
is today but the invention of social
media you can sit in one place and
filter out human beings it’s like I
don’t want this I don’t want this and
this we want diversity from plums but
not in our own friends circle we want
what we are comfortable with and
reaching it’s so easy to filter out
people and stick to very similar types
as to what binds us all together I think
we have very intelligent answers we are
very flattering answers
but I think something else is going on I
think the most underreported cause for
binding of friends is weakness human
weaknesses you have you have a wound you
have a grouse you have a past or you’re
one of those angry majority types you
know is very angry a frothing in your
mouth you want other people are also
frothing in the mouth so maybe that is
what brings people together which I find
very fascinating because we as human
beings we are collectors we collect our
own which takes us to the central
quality of friendship friendship is
political that’s what it is and modern
friendship more so in the heart of this
friendship is you you are the superstar
of this modern powerful relationship and
that’s why it works and that’s what
Facebook knows there was a time when to
be famous you had to do something and to
you had to do something very well and
three you have to do something which a
lot of people have come to know about
but I think now there is a thematic
shift to fame itself today you can be
famous to twenty people I think you can
be on Facebook you just post a comment
or you post your infants photograph you
become a celebrity or just say that your
parent died that gets a lot of attention
for some reason these lists so you
become a celebrity and you have filtered
humanity in such a way that nobody is
going to tell you your infant’s are ugly
and your points are crap that is if you
filtered out people like me and you have
done your job as an individual who wants
very comforting friends but what does
this friendship cause I think it I think
modern friendship is changing the world
transforming the world in very profound
ways for instance
Oh friendship is a collaboration of
biases and opinions and views let’s say
you believe in something let’s say you
believe that cow dung can block nuclear
radiation I mean some people believe
that by later the PhD scholars who have
said it and there are people who want to
believe that or you believe for there
have been alien spotting and it doesn’t
occur to you why aliens are spotted only
in first world countries why doesn’t
anybody in Africa ever spot a UFO I have
no idea I think aliens are very
economically biased towards advanced
economies they don’t go they don’t go to
Uganda and all that but you believe that
let’s say all you want to believe India
as a Hindu country or you want to
believe India is a secular country
whatever that means or you want to
believe Christ is the true Lord what
will be your belief you will get a
corroboration from someone else that’s
your friend
and that’s very influential and the
friend believes in this because you
believe in it so you keep corroborating
each other so we’ve all become a bit of
that number but we could but we get
confirmation we get confirmation about
our beliefs from other people and
there’s something about people we think
are sane likes most people look semi
most of you look sane I don’t know you
at all actually oh and there’s something
about people with a corporate job and
two children exactly two children they
look very normal and respectable and
when they support your views and they
have a view you feel that that so you
view must be true you get that
corroboration
there’s something about absolute truth
forget absolute absolute facts I’m
journalist two facts always need
journalism to travel through in a human
head is a bit thick thicker than we
think
facts don’t travel very fast facts needs
journalism and historical anchors to
travel when facts are not part of news
they don’t
from one head to under the head what
travels is travels of
the speed of light and so the
transmission of the transmission of of
of which container
euphemistically called dilution it’s
possible only through the network of
friends normal-looking people with who
who always having good time you know
they transmit your ideas very well now
the thing is earlier if you’re not a
journalist you’re not a public figure
you’re not a politician
nobody knew your opinion you think of
your smart grandmother she had a lot of
opinions ask your mom but you never knew
and nobody knew the society didn’t know
or but now because of social media
everybody knows your opinion you don’t
have to be anybody now you’ve already
succumbed to the dilution you you make a
views public now you can’t go back so
that is another problem now earlier you
had a view then you read something they
got information then you could change
your view but now it could be very
dangerous for your social life to go
back on some of the views that you held
just because you read some right good
decent stuff so in that sense most of
journalism today has become meaningless
because you can’t change anything
anymore I feel you can’t change anything
in more people are said they’ve
committed they committed become they’re
committed with friends as evidence very
powerful bond one of the factors which
which get people so into friendship is
there was a time not far not not a not
long ago when it was extremely difficult
to get complements you have to again be
very good at something then we get a
compliment but today you just make a
post freeze people will say on us on the
social media well said brilliant
beautiful if you just have to post your
photograph
you know that someone is going to say
beautiful if I post my photograph trust
me I’ll be at least one person will say
beautiful and this very common
compliment of this age very common
compliment genius
everybody’s genius you know actually
what people are doing is people are
complimenting themselves because they
chose you because you are like them and
your view is exactly their view so this
in brilliant well said genius it’s the
same thing but we need we need to take
them seriously because it’s so pleasant
to get those compliments and we also
deliver a lot of our own and what has
happened is young people today are
insufferable because they’re so full of
confidence and in my profession I see a
lot of young writers because every week
they’ve heard that they are geniuses
there so they I mean they have no idea
how bad the copy is they are full of
confidence confidence is good writing is
a confidence cut I feel that here you
you don’t you should not think you’re
God when you’re writing you are God but
maybe that looks good when you are 50 60
you know not when you are 18 and you’ve
just soaked up my microwave genius so oh
they they are very confident until they
submit the debut novel to the publisher
and they get a rejection because when
people have to pay money they’re very
old-fashioned so that’s when they
realize oh maybe there is a mismatch
between what I hear about myself and on
the way the real world is reacting
lastly I mean all this aside there is
this question now in this golden age of
friendship or why are we still lonely I
think it’s reasonable question we feel
that if we are in a crowd of people who
are always complimenting us we should
not feel so lonely but I think that’s
almost like saying that if you have fat
you you should never feel hungry you
know it’s almost as ludicrous I think
this is the golden age of friendship
precisely because we are lonely and I
think we are lonely
two or two below well it is very
complicated to belong
we need to belong and we need to own
people emotionally and through other
terrifying means but in this age where
everybody wants to be free how do you
own someone and how do you belong to
someone I think that is the question of
loneliness and I think of quite doomed I
think we get more and more lonely as we
progress as we become more free as
individuals maybe that is the definition
of friends friends or people we probably
love but who we cannot own so they will
enjoy them but they will never solve our
loneliness thank you so much
[Applause]
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