do you possess a high school diploma or
GED yes a GED are you at least 18 years
old I am yes will you pass a drug test
yes will you pass a criminal background
check no okay well thank you so much for
your time right you have a good day it’s
you
looking at how big and massive the city
is and it’s just easy to get intimidated
realizing that you’re only one among
almost something a few million people in
one city that’s trying to get the same
thing that you’re trying to get a job
and some type of financial stability
only difference they don’t have a record
and I do so here everything is requires
money it requires that you have you
bring something to the table and I have
nothing to bring to the table right now
so I fit in it somewhere but it’s just a
matter of where
so a few years ago I got a call to be
the director of photography on a
documentary titled land of the free and
in that I was tasked with following a
man named Brian the gentleman you saw on
the clip in 1989 Brian as a teenager in
LA was arrested convicted and sentenced
to live most of his life in prison and
after 24 years
Brian was released Brian had every
reason not to share his story with us he
was being released at the bottom of an
uphill battle against labels as being a
castaway as being someone who missed
that adolescent ship of potential and
for money with a criminal record he had
a scarlet letter on his back deeming him
the embodiment of qualities that we
condemned so as filmmakers we had a goal
of making a personal portrait and in
order to achieve that goal we had to
answer a very specific question how do
you tell a story about someone that
society fears most so the first few
weeks we started shooting and captured a
lot of moments of someone who seemed to
be stepping out of a time capsule a lot
has changed in the world since 1989
while locked away the internet was
invented cell phones were popularized
911 took place amongst other globe
altering events Brian was stepping out
of the gates and had to completely
recalibrate to a modern world of new
cars new technology new societal norms
we filmed him taking his first sip of a
fresh cup of coffee learning to use a
debit card at a 7-eleven going to his
first job interview asking someone at an
internet cafe to describe to him how
email works but in these seemingly
endless moments of firsts Brian’s story
was soon eclipsed by something that was
much deeper a more universal story more
full story his quest for love
partnership and affection if you could
dim the lights
I’m longing for somebody just to not
only be intimate with but also would be
willing to allow me to express how
really feel inside far as the pain and
stuff like that you’re sitting with the
love of your life and you’re around a
warm fire do you feel like it’s okay to
be vulnerable I could just say this is
how I’m feeling sweetheart and you know
that she’s gonna love you regardless of
what it is she gonna put her arms around
you she’s gonna comfort you and she’s
gonna let you shed your tears and she’s
gonna let you just be crying for that
moment you know and I don’t have that
so maybe I’m looking for a mom I don’t
know
maybe just love
[Music]
now allowing a camera to linger around
you on the daily basis while you try and
live your life is an easier thing said
than done
imagine a 6-foot tall blonde woman
carrying a 20-pound camera dancing
around your space ten feet three feet
you’re doing great
I’m not here live your life it’s pretty
awkward right so one thing that requires
is patience his part but another thing
that’s required is trust trust with a
capital T trust if I fall will you stand
back will you grab my hand if I take a
shaky path are you going to show me the
way to a smoother Road is there a way as
a documentarian to do both to have
someone’s back and not sacrifice the
authenticity of their story in their
experience as a cinematographer my job
is to be technically proficient but
there’s an unspoken responsibility to
maintain the relationships around you to
memorize body language try and predict
the direction of a conversation make
snap decisions of what kind of narrative
is really happening in a room and what
is the best placement of my body in the
camera that portrays most honestly the
perspective and experience of the
character if I shoot a wide shot am I
going to make someone look lonely in a
room if I shoot a close-up am i forcing
a sense of intimacy that a moment
doesn’t call for am i benefiting the
story by being persistent or am i
damaging my relationships by being
insensitive one day I was driving in the
car with my director kamila Majid and
creative producer Steen efficie
Kristensen and we were going to pick up
Brian at the halfway house where he was
living for most people going through
reentry are required to stay for a few
weeks
and Brian hopped in the front seat I had
the camera on my shoulder I was ready to
roll ready to watch a scene unfold in
front of us but he looked over at me and
she gave me the signal set the camera
side and so against all of my burning
creative instincts I took off the
headphones and set the camera down and
in that moment there was a new kind of
interaction an unfiltered interaction
without the camera as the middleman we
shared stories on current events asked
Brian about experiences that he was
having throughout the week we joked
around you played the game of where do
you guys feel like eating I don’t know
doesn’t matter to me what do you feel
like anything whatever we as filmmakers
had a responsibility to let our own
walls down tell our own stories share
our own values and in those moments of
of telling Brian what our efforts were
about the film being transparent about
it we also told him that we cared about
him and that we were there as sounding
boards for him anyone is though it was
in those moments that we began to pour
that foundation of trust Brian got his
first job in a sports bar grill kitchen
washing dishes and as I was setting
camera and he was scouring cookware I
started to watch his movements around
the kitchen and began to notice rhythms
and his mannerisms and tuned into those
subtle nuances and details that we
shared like the way he would have a
conversation to himself in a room by
himself
much like I secretly do the way he would
wipe sweat off of his cheek dimpled from
acne scars much like mine one time we
both had broken fingers for some reason
and we swapped and shared our battle
stories and so we continued on this
seesaw of trust and every time
mine would open up we deal a little bit
deeper and I would see his thoughts and
his desires and I would see myself in
those my own values my own goals my own
search for love and we continued on with
that dance so in the next few years we
rolled through hundreds of hours and we
were welcomed into the most joyous of
moments and some of the more
uncomfortable situations like when Brian
a 42 year old adult man asked a woman
out on the date for the very first time
or when he excitedly told us about his
first physical intimate experience with
a woman at a drive-in movie theater the
night before or when we sat in a hotel
room with our hearts pounding waiting
for him to see his mom for the first
time in 14 years Brian gave us the gift
of his most vulnerable experiences in
real time and in turn we got to
vicariously live his ride now I came to
talk to you guys today because I had an
experience we set out to lens an
intimate portrait and in order to do
that until the story truthfully
and break down those walls for our
audience we had to as individuals go
through the trials of breaking down
those walls ourselves and I think this
is just a magnified example of something
that were confronted with on a regular
basis on many different scales every day
we have opportunities to make judgments
or to try and understand each other in
small talk and comment sections in the
news standing in line with distant
family members or with stories that we
hear of people in their lives on the
other side of the world
I once heard that if you talk to someone
for five minutes you’ll find out that
you have something in common if you talk
to them for another five minutes you’ll
find out that you have something else in
common if you give someone the benefit
of the doubt and make that small effort
I guarantee you will find a quality that
you share
and in seeing bits of yourself reflected
in others passing judgments not only
becomes a more difficult thing to do
those judgments often become totally
relevant and I don’t think anyone here
needs a lesson on the importance and the
rewards of empathy connection and
compassion so I want to thank Brian for
letting us tell his story and thank
everyone involved in the team to making
that small effort together thank you
guys
you
GED yes a GED are you at least 18 years
old I am yes will you pass a drug test
yes will you pass a criminal background
check no okay well thank you so much for
your time right you have a good day it’s
you
looking at how big and massive the city
is and it’s just easy to get intimidated
realizing that you’re only one among
almost something a few million people in
one city that’s trying to get the same
thing that you’re trying to get a job
and some type of financial stability
only difference they don’t have a record
and I do so here everything is requires
money it requires that you have you
bring something to the table and I have
nothing to bring to the table right now
so I fit in it somewhere but it’s just a
matter of where
so a few years ago I got a call to be
the director of photography on a
documentary titled land of the free and
in that I was tasked with following a
man named Brian the gentleman you saw on
the clip in 1989 Brian as a teenager in
LA was arrested convicted and sentenced
to live most of his life in prison and
after 24 years
Brian was released Brian had every
reason not to share his story with us he
was being released at the bottom of an
uphill battle against labels as being a
castaway as being someone who missed
that adolescent ship of potential and
for money with a criminal record he had
a scarlet letter on his back deeming him
the embodiment of qualities that we
condemned so as filmmakers we had a goal
of making a personal portrait and in
order to achieve that goal we had to
answer a very specific question how do
you tell a story about someone that
society fears most so the first few
weeks we started shooting and captured a
lot of moments of someone who seemed to
be stepping out of a time capsule a lot
has changed in the world since 1989
while locked away the internet was
invented cell phones were popularized
911 took place amongst other globe
altering events Brian was stepping out
of the gates and had to completely
recalibrate to a modern world of new
cars new technology new societal norms
we filmed him taking his first sip of a
fresh cup of coffee learning to use a
debit card at a 7-eleven going to his
first job interview asking someone at an
internet cafe to describe to him how
email works but in these seemingly
endless moments of firsts Brian’s story
was soon eclipsed by something that was
much deeper a more universal story more
full story his quest for love
partnership and affection if you could
dim the lights
I’m longing for somebody just to not
only be intimate with but also would be
willing to allow me to express how
really feel inside far as the pain and
stuff like that you’re sitting with the
love of your life and you’re around a
warm fire do you feel like it’s okay to
be vulnerable I could just say this is
how I’m feeling sweetheart and you know
that she’s gonna love you regardless of
what it is she gonna put her arms around
you she’s gonna comfort you and she’s
gonna let you shed your tears and she’s
gonna let you just be crying for that
moment you know and I don’t have that
so maybe I’m looking for a mom I don’t
know
maybe just love
[Music]
now allowing a camera to linger around
you on the daily basis while you try and
live your life is an easier thing said
than done
imagine a 6-foot tall blonde woman
carrying a 20-pound camera dancing
around your space ten feet three feet
you’re doing great
I’m not here live your life it’s pretty
awkward right so one thing that requires
is patience his part but another thing
that’s required is trust trust with a
capital T trust if I fall will you stand
back will you grab my hand if I take a
shaky path are you going to show me the
way to a smoother Road is there a way as
a documentarian to do both to have
someone’s back and not sacrifice the
authenticity of their story in their
experience as a cinematographer my job
is to be technically proficient but
there’s an unspoken responsibility to
maintain the relationships around you to
memorize body language try and predict
the direction of a conversation make
snap decisions of what kind of narrative
is really happening in a room and what
is the best placement of my body in the
camera that portrays most honestly the
perspective and experience of the
character if I shoot a wide shot am I
going to make someone look lonely in a
room if I shoot a close-up am i forcing
a sense of intimacy that a moment
doesn’t call for am i benefiting the
story by being persistent or am i
damaging my relationships by being
insensitive one day I was driving in the
car with my director kamila Majid and
creative producer Steen efficie
Kristensen and we were going to pick up
Brian at the halfway house where he was
living for most people going through
reentry are required to stay for a few
weeks
and Brian hopped in the front seat I had
the camera on my shoulder I was ready to
roll ready to watch a scene unfold in
front of us but he looked over at me and
she gave me the signal set the camera
side and so against all of my burning
creative instincts I took off the
headphones and set the camera down and
in that moment there was a new kind of
interaction an unfiltered interaction
without the camera as the middleman we
shared stories on current events asked
Brian about experiences that he was
having throughout the week we joked
around you played the game of where do
you guys feel like eating I don’t know
doesn’t matter to me what do you feel
like anything whatever we as filmmakers
had a responsibility to let our own
walls down tell our own stories share
our own values and in those moments of
of telling Brian what our efforts were
about the film being transparent about
it we also told him that we cared about
him and that we were there as sounding
boards for him anyone is though it was
in those moments that we began to pour
that foundation of trust Brian got his
first job in a sports bar grill kitchen
washing dishes and as I was setting
camera and he was scouring cookware I
started to watch his movements around
the kitchen and began to notice rhythms
and his mannerisms and tuned into those
subtle nuances and details that we
shared like the way he would have a
conversation to himself in a room by
himself
much like I secretly do the way he would
wipe sweat off of his cheek dimpled from
acne scars much like mine one time we
both had broken fingers for some reason
and we swapped and shared our battle
stories and so we continued on this
seesaw of trust and every time
mine would open up we deal a little bit
deeper and I would see his thoughts and
his desires and I would see myself in
those my own values my own goals my own
search for love and we continued on with
that dance so in the next few years we
rolled through hundreds of hours and we
were welcomed into the most joyous of
moments and some of the more
uncomfortable situations like when Brian
a 42 year old adult man asked a woman
out on the date for the very first time
or when he excitedly told us about his
first physical intimate experience with
a woman at a drive-in movie theater the
night before or when we sat in a hotel
room with our hearts pounding waiting
for him to see his mom for the first
time in 14 years Brian gave us the gift
of his most vulnerable experiences in
real time and in turn we got to
vicariously live his ride now I came to
talk to you guys today because I had an
experience we set out to lens an
intimate portrait and in order to do
that until the story truthfully
and break down those walls for our
audience we had to as individuals go
through the trials of breaking down
those walls ourselves and I think this
is just a magnified example of something
that were confronted with on a regular
basis on many different scales every day
we have opportunities to make judgments
or to try and understand each other in
small talk and comment sections in the
news standing in line with distant
family members or with stories that we
hear of people in their lives on the
other side of the world
I once heard that if you talk to someone
for five minutes you’ll find out that
you have something in common if you talk
to them for another five minutes you’ll
find out that you have something else in
common if you give someone the benefit
of the doubt and make that small effort
I guarantee you will find a quality that
you share
and in seeing bits of yourself reflected
in others passing judgments not only
becomes a more difficult thing to do
those judgments often become totally
relevant and I don’t think anyone here
needs a lesson on the importance and the
rewards of empathy connection and
compassion so I want to thank Brian for
letting us tell his story and thank
everyone involved in the team to making
that small effort together thank you
guys
you
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