you know every day we all make so many
choices it can be tough to keep track of
which one’s served us well and which
ones caused us grief until we get that
reminder Christmas Day 2003 we are
expecting a house full of guests I’ve
got the Christmas music playing in the
aroma coming from the kitchen
it’s incredible as my husband and
stepdaughters they’re cooking up a feast
I’m running around the house taking care
of all those odds and ends when I notice
there’s a message on our answering
machine maybe it’s someone calling –
it’s just a Merry Christmas I can’t wait
to hit play hey I reckon Catherine or
should I say Rick and Kathy from camp
just won’t let you know that the video
of our girls going wild has hit the
young crop area European shown Catherine
or Cathy from Kent as you know I get
that – stage name is being shown from
everywhere from child to bar and grill
everyone’s seen you and your full entire
honey your days are over
you think you’ve such a prissy little
bitch but your days are over
have a very Merry Christmas even 15
years later I don’t know who made that
phone call even 15 years later every
time I hear that recording kind of feels
like the first time my heart sinks for a
minute and yeah I hate myself all over
again that was the day my life changed
forever and it was supposed to be such a
special holiday – we had so much to be
grateful for you see earlier that year
I’d survived a life-threatening lung
illness
I went from running a marathon to a
hospital bed unable to speak a full
sentence without breathing treatments to
lung surgery in a matter of only a few
weeks it almost made the open-heart
surgery I had just a couple years before
that to repair a hole in my heart seemed
not that bad and it didn’t help that
when I asked my lung specialist
am I gonna survive this all he could say
was one day at a time dear with this
awful look on his face
are those worst some long days of not
knowing about three months
actually before it was finally
determined this monstrous experimental
drug therapy I was on my only hope it
was working and I was going to survive
and that called for celebration so my
husband Rick and I decided we would do
that back in Key West where we honeymoon
just in time for our one-year
anniversary we could begin our second
chance at a long future together
no one were there I noticed down the way
on the Main Street they’re gonna have a
wet t-shirt contest at this bar a wet
t-shirt contest I had never seen one of
those my husband never saw one either at
least that’s what he said I wasn’t
thinking about the fact I was a
television news anchor back in
Youngstown Ohio 1,400 miles away when I
said let’s just go inside and see what
this is about I wasn’t thinking about my
profession when as we went inside and
the emcee was soliciting women to take
part you know what I did I’ll do it I
wasn’t thinking about the fact yeah I
was 30-something and all these other
women they were college-age it was
spring break I was however thinking this
is my chance to do something crazy out
of character and to separate myself once
and for all from illness and that kind
of fear as far as cameras they’re then
well you know this was the day of the
flip phone back when no one really knew
what to do with our pictures on our cell
phones again this was 2003 long before
there were social media as the contest
gets underway I have to say at first it
was a bit of a thrill it was also
liberating but then it got out of
control it got out of hand and oh I got
caught up in it and I realized what a
bad choice I made I couldn’t get out of
there fast enough and I’ll never forget
our walk back to the hotel room I was so
beside myself that I could let something
like this happen and Rick fell just is
bad so to deal with it
we made a pact we would leave it in Key
West as best we could and that worked
for about nine months until that phone
call revealed our secret was out turns
out a company similar to Girls Gone Wild
was there that night and so was a
website which features events like that
and we had no idea apparently those
someone back in Youngstown recognized me
in one of those sites and that’s all it
took that choice I made that night in
Key West cost me my dream job everything
I’d worked for and gave me my first true
taste of raw humiliation suddenly this
then out-of-work news anchor was on the
other side of the camera invited to
share my shame and shows like Good
Morning America Inside Edition Oprah I
was a topic of the view The O’Reilly
Factor and I was David Letterman’s top
10 list top 10 good things about having
a stripper as an anchor I couldn’t
believe this was happening and when all
I wanted to do was curl up and hide from
the world I agreed to do a couple of
those interviews like the one on Good
Morning America for three reasons
first of all I wanted pazley to
apologize to the world for what I’d done
and for some reason I think I always
will I could see on my situation also
could be a warning to others to be so
careful and I also wanted to explain my
mindset that night but you know what
happened it got worse I went viral my
names skyrocketed to the top of major
search engine lists beating out the
likes of people like Paris Hilton and
Britney Spears in their prime and with
every posting about me the Comets poured
in now most of them were kind and
supportive and understanding
the ones I dwelled on though they were
the ones that said I was stupid ugly and
had no reason to live now when I looked
Rick and I pretty much hold ourselves up
in our house that entire winter blinds
pulled tight so ashamed and for me just
getting out of bed every morning took
every bit of strength I could muster and
honestly there were some days I didn’t
get out of bed I had a plan though it
was in that bottom drawer that drawer
where I kept prescription pain
medication powerful stuff left over from
previous surgeries that would do the job
that would bring an end to all of it so
it would seem that caller was right my
days were over
as this nightmare unfolded I was shaken
to the core I realized something
surviving this new brand of humiliation
is a choice in this day of digital
everything every single choice we make
has unprecedented power to determine the
trajectory of our lives
we’re being exposed in a way we never
imagined and you know it’s only going to
get worse I was being back then what
today we call cyber bullied cyber shamed
cyber humiliated and really it all goes
back to Monica Lewinsky’s case hers was
the first to show us all how with one
mistake the cyber world could treat a
real-life world upside down permanently
again my case was in 2003-2004 hers was
a few years before that but I can tell
you the trauma of watching yourself
coming under attack on that cell phone
on that computer screen has not changed
it brings about a sort of torment and
brainwashing even
the experts can’t quite understand it’s
estimated 43 percent of teens in the US
are cyber bullied 67% of adult online
users under the age of 30 same thing and
then we have this nearly 45,000 suicides
in the US and 2016 the latest numbers
from the CDC and do you know that breaks
down to a hundred and twenty three
suicides a day the correlation between
online cruelty and suicide then is clear
don’t you think and so is the message
it’s sense we need to start making more
vigilant choices to bring an end to this
epidemic and that starts with
understanding how little room there is
for a what was I thinking moment like I
had before it could become attached to
you for all to see forever one mouse
click away kind of like a modern-day
Scarlet Letter some say recently a Rick
and I were in Nashville and we came
across two young women two sisters
having a blast one of them though was
clearly very drunk and she starts
dancing wildly on the sidewalk in front
of us lewd gestures profanity a heck of
a show I kind of thought about the show
I put on Key West so I turned to her
sister and he said you’ve got your hands
full before I could say another word
though the dancing sister she stops and
she snaps at me you only live once
she says arm and arm the two sisters go
on their way down the sidewalk as do
some of the cell phones pointed in their
direction I just wanted to grab that
young woman and shake her and say you’re
right you only live once why take a
chance on ruining it with a silly bad
choice like this and you might be
thinking oh I would never do anything
quite like that and maybe not but the
reality is it can be something as
seemingly innocuous as having a meltdown
on your kids in the grocery store you
know what that could look like fighting
with a flight attendant being rude to a
store clerk or whatever you do when that
road ray
it just gets the best of you no one is
immune we all do however have that
little voice inside our head that tells
us when we shouldn’t do something which
means now more than ever
next time you’re compelled to say I’ll
do it it’s the time to make that choice
to listen to that voice when it calls
out and that means with every picture
you take every post you make every text
every email every forward every share
all of that all right now the good news
just as a bad choice can potentially
destroy a good choice can empower and
turn even the worst of it around in the
middle of my fiasco every time I listen
to my faith family and friends I was
making a choice not even realizing it so
get out of bed and get out of the house
choice start to eat again choice reach
for spiritual reading there was the
darkest moments choice and finally stay
away from that bottom drawer where my
plan was one more day all survival
choices one leading to another to
another revealing an inner strength I
never knew I had to take on a whole new
level of decision-making ignore those
who said I had no grounds to fight back
choice endure endless hours of brutal
interrogation by lawyers choice finally
three federal lawsuits later I got
controlled my life back again I was
granted ownership copyright ownership to
all of those images from Key West’s
giving me finally legal means to stop
the dissemination once and for all and
that included taking on of all people
Larry Flynt and hustler made
when they used one of my pictures
bringing back all my shame and that some
we won that though David versus Goliath
style for sure
and then also in the middle of it uh a
middle of it all when I was finally
given an opportunity to reclaim my
career and all I could think of were the
headlines that would read Naked News
anchor returns I was able to engage that
inner strength and I got back to work at
a much better station in a much bigger
market look I don’t want anyone to ever
feel or believe or hear like I did your
days are over because of this to rise
above I narrow it down to a sort of
checklist of choices always turn to
those you love and trust for support
they’re there for you abandon haters and
temptations online and off connect with
professionals when you need that they’re
there for you too but finally always
remember in your darkest moments in your
worst times this too shall pass I
promise I am living proof there’s life
on the other side we can rise above this
new brand of humiliation together one choice at a time
choices it can be tough to keep track of
which one’s served us well and which
ones caused us grief until we get that
reminder Christmas Day 2003 we are
expecting a house full of guests I’ve
got the Christmas music playing in the
aroma coming from the kitchen
it’s incredible as my husband and
stepdaughters they’re cooking up a feast
I’m running around the house taking care
of all those odds and ends when I notice
there’s a message on our answering
machine maybe it’s someone calling –
it’s just a Merry Christmas I can’t wait
to hit play hey I reckon Catherine or
should I say Rick and Kathy from camp
just won’t let you know that the video
of our girls going wild has hit the
young crop area European shown Catherine
or Cathy from Kent as you know I get
that – stage name is being shown from
everywhere from child to bar and grill
everyone’s seen you and your full entire
honey your days are over
you think you’ve such a prissy little
bitch but your days are over
have a very Merry Christmas even 15
years later I don’t know who made that
phone call even 15 years later every
time I hear that recording kind of feels
like the first time my heart sinks for a
minute and yeah I hate myself all over
again that was the day my life changed
forever and it was supposed to be such a
special holiday – we had so much to be
grateful for you see earlier that year
I’d survived a life-threatening lung
illness
I went from running a marathon to a
hospital bed unable to speak a full
sentence without breathing treatments to
lung surgery in a matter of only a few
weeks it almost made the open-heart
surgery I had just a couple years before
that to repair a hole in my heart seemed
not that bad and it didn’t help that
when I asked my lung specialist
am I gonna survive this all he could say
was one day at a time dear with this
awful look on his face
are those worst some long days of not
knowing about three months
actually before it was finally
determined this monstrous experimental
drug therapy I was on my only hope it
was working and I was going to survive
and that called for celebration so my
husband Rick and I decided we would do
that back in Key West where we honeymoon
just in time for our one-year
anniversary we could begin our second
chance at a long future together
no one were there I noticed down the way
on the Main Street they’re gonna have a
wet t-shirt contest at this bar a wet
t-shirt contest I had never seen one of
those my husband never saw one either at
least that’s what he said I wasn’t
thinking about the fact I was a
television news anchor back in
Youngstown Ohio 1,400 miles away when I
said let’s just go inside and see what
this is about I wasn’t thinking about my
profession when as we went inside and
the emcee was soliciting women to take
part you know what I did I’ll do it I
wasn’t thinking about the fact yeah I
was 30-something and all these other
women they were college-age it was
spring break I was however thinking this
is my chance to do something crazy out
of character and to separate myself once
and for all from illness and that kind
of fear as far as cameras they’re then
well you know this was the day of the
flip phone back when no one really knew
what to do with our pictures on our cell
phones again this was 2003 long before
there were social media as the contest
gets underway I have to say at first it
was a bit of a thrill it was also
liberating but then it got out of
control it got out of hand and oh I got
caught up in it and I realized what a
bad choice I made I couldn’t get out of
there fast enough and I’ll never forget
our walk back to the hotel room I was so
beside myself that I could let something
like this happen and Rick fell just is
bad so to deal with it
we made a pact we would leave it in Key
West as best we could and that worked
for about nine months until that phone
call revealed our secret was out turns
out a company similar to Girls Gone Wild
was there that night and so was a
website which features events like that
and we had no idea apparently those
someone back in Youngstown recognized me
in one of those sites and that’s all it
took that choice I made that night in
Key West cost me my dream job everything
I’d worked for and gave me my first true
taste of raw humiliation suddenly this
then out-of-work news anchor was on the
other side of the camera invited to
share my shame and shows like Good
Morning America Inside Edition Oprah I
was a topic of the view The O’Reilly
Factor and I was David Letterman’s top
10 list top 10 good things about having
a stripper as an anchor I couldn’t
believe this was happening and when all
I wanted to do was curl up and hide from
the world I agreed to do a couple of
those interviews like the one on Good
Morning America for three reasons
first of all I wanted pazley to
apologize to the world for what I’d done
and for some reason I think I always
will I could see on my situation also
could be a warning to others to be so
careful and I also wanted to explain my
mindset that night but you know what
happened it got worse I went viral my
names skyrocketed to the top of major
search engine lists beating out the
likes of people like Paris Hilton and
Britney Spears in their prime and with
every posting about me the Comets poured
in now most of them were kind and
supportive and understanding
the ones I dwelled on though they were
the ones that said I was stupid ugly and
had no reason to live now when I looked
Rick and I pretty much hold ourselves up
in our house that entire winter blinds
pulled tight so ashamed and for me just
getting out of bed every morning took
every bit of strength I could muster and
honestly there were some days I didn’t
get out of bed I had a plan though it
was in that bottom drawer that drawer
where I kept prescription pain
medication powerful stuff left over from
previous surgeries that would do the job
that would bring an end to all of it so
it would seem that caller was right my
days were over
as this nightmare unfolded I was shaken
to the core I realized something
surviving this new brand of humiliation
is a choice in this day of digital
everything every single choice we make
has unprecedented power to determine the
trajectory of our lives
we’re being exposed in a way we never
imagined and you know it’s only going to
get worse I was being back then what
today we call cyber bullied cyber shamed
cyber humiliated and really it all goes
back to Monica Lewinsky’s case hers was
the first to show us all how with one
mistake the cyber world could treat a
real-life world upside down permanently
again my case was in 2003-2004 hers was
a few years before that but I can tell
you the trauma of watching yourself
coming under attack on that cell phone
on that computer screen has not changed
it brings about a sort of torment and
brainwashing even
the experts can’t quite understand it’s
estimated 43 percent of teens in the US
are cyber bullied 67% of adult online
users under the age of 30 same thing and
then we have this nearly 45,000 suicides
in the US and 2016 the latest numbers
from the CDC and do you know that breaks
down to a hundred and twenty three
suicides a day the correlation between
online cruelty and suicide then is clear
don’t you think and so is the message
it’s sense we need to start making more
vigilant choices to bring an end to this
epidemic and that starts with
understanding how little room there is
for a what was I thinking moment like I
had before it could become attached to
you for all to see forever one mouse
click away kind of like a modern-day
Scarlet Letter some say recently a Rick
and I were in Nashville and we came
across two young women two sisters
having a blast one of them though was
clearly very drunk and she starts
dancing wildly on the sidewalk in front
of us lewd gestures profanity a heck of
a show I kind of thought about the show
I put on Key West so I turned to her
sister and he said you’ve got your hands
full before I could say another word
though the dancing sister she stops and
she snaps at me you only live once
she says arm and arm the two sisters go
on their way down the sidewalk as do
some of the cell phones pointed in their
direction I just wanted to grab that
young woman and shake her and say you’re
right you only live once why take a
chance on ruining it with a silly bad
choice like this and you might be
thinking oh I would never do anything
quite like that and maybe not but the
reality is it can be something as
seemingly innocuous as having a meltdown
on your kids in the grocery store you
know what that could look like fighting
with a flight attendant being rude to a
store clerk or whatever you do when that
road ray
it just gets the best of you no one is
immune we all do however have that
little voice inside our head that tells
us when we shouldn’t do something which
means now more than ever
next time you’re compelled to say I’ll
do it it’s the time to make that choice
to listen to that voice when it calls
out and that means with every picture
you take every post you make every text
every email every forward every share
all of that all right now the good news
just as a bad choice can potentially
destroy a good choice can empower and
turn even the worst of it around in the
middle of my fiasco every time I listen
to my faith family and friends I was
making a choice not even realizing it so
get out of bed and get out of the house
choice start to eat again choice reach
for spiritual reading there was the
darkest moments choice and finally stay
away from that bottom drawer where my
plan was one more day all survival
choices one leading to another to
another revealing an inner strength I
never knew I had to take on a whole new
level of decision-making ignore those
who said I had no grounds to fight back
choice endure endless hours of brutal
interrogation by lawyers choice finally
three federal lawsuits later I got
controlled my life back again I was
granted ownership copyright ownership to
all of those images from Key West’s
giving me finally legal means to stop
the dissemination once and for all and
that included taking on of all people
Larry Flynt and hustler made
when they used one of my pictures
bringing back all my shame and that some
we won that though David versus Goliath
style for sure
and then also in the middle of it uh a
middle of it all when I was finally
given an opportunity to reclaim my
career and all I could think of were the
headlines that would read Naked News
anchor returns I was able to engage that
inner strength and I got back to work at
a much better station in a much bigger
market look I don’t want anyone to ever
feel or believe or hear like I did your
days are over because of this to rise
above I narrow it down to a sort of
checklist of choices always turn to
those you love and trust for support
they’re there for you abandon haters and
temptations online and off connect with
professionals when you need that they’re
there for you too but finally always
remember in your darkest moments in your
worst times this too shall pass I
promise I am living proof there’s life
on the other side we can rise above this
new brand of humiliation together one choice at a time
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