let’s take a trip I’m guiding you a
group of successful leaders on a hike up
a sacred mountain near Tecate Mexico the
view is spectacular as is the company I
feel like I’ve won life’s lottery when
either the corner of my eye I see
something slithering on the path before
us and with a single thought snake that
glorious moment is gone suddenly I start
to hyperventilate major organ systems
are shutting down I need to pee like a
pack mule I need a plan John Wayne comes
to mind when he got bit by a rattlesnake
he had an ex in his own hand sucked out
so with my hand on my pocket knife
prepared to perform major surgery on
myself I realize that I am NOT gonna be
able to suck my own ankle
and I am going to die somehow I take a
step forward and I see that that snake
is just a rope that’s fallen off
note I still need to pee like a pack
mule but let’s come off the mountain
back to our seats because I have a
question for you what caused my stress
that morning was I really being
threatened by a piece of rope no of
course not
but that part of my brain that I call
ego told me the story that I was and I
believed every word of it
every single word what if you just
stopped believing everything you think
pain isn’t from our reality it’s from
our stories I made this realization at
that moment that we suffer because of
our stories not our realities what if
you just stopped believing everything
you think and you paused and self
reflected this simple action lets you
bypass your ego and taps in to a better
part of your brain how do I know this
this accidental discovery led to an
unexpected career as a drama researcher
studying how much time and energy we
spend in drama in the workplace and that
number lost in drama two and a half
hours per day per person 816 hours of
your precious year lost to drama and
that is productivity two and a half
hours of productivity that you kiss
bye forever two and a half hours a day
spent in self-inflicted pain venting or
complaining or gossiping or trying to
figure out with your colleague while
your boss down the hallway is such a
jerk time that we can’t recapture it’s
time you spend feeling like a victim at
the mercy of your circumstances seeing
insult where there isn’t any just
feeling miserable I call this living in
low self when you focus on everything
that sucks
you feel bad everybody around you feels
bad it’s a terrible place to be and yet
we choose to go there every single day
now that’s the bad news the good news is
it doesn’t have to be that way after
creating his masterpiece the beautiful
sculpture of David Michael Angelo was
supposedly asked a question was it hard
carving this beautiful statue and his
reply was no it wasn’t hard at all
I simply removed every piece from the
marble that wasn’t David what would your
life be like instead of searching to be
happier and working so hard to be
innovative and creative and engaged you
realize that you already were all those
things once you’ve just chipped away all
that wasn’t you what if happiness and
success is our natural state once the
drama is gone now imagine you have a
toggle switch in the middle of your
forehead when it’s toggled down you’re
seeing the world through the eyes of
your ego your circumstances seemed to be
the source of your pain you are the
victim you feel better by venting and
complaining and faceting
scorekeeping but when your toggle switch
is up you are seeing the world from a
different viewpoints you are
compassionate you’re helping not judging
you are full of ideas you can see so
many options in ways that you personally
can impact the world
say hello to hi self the best part of
this setup is you cannot be in low self
and high self at the same time nope it’s
completely impossible to be judging and
helping simultaneously so how can you
just flip your own toggle switch from
suffering to a better view of the world
it’s simple self reflection the ultimate
drama diffuser you can move to high self
beyond all the drama and unhappiness by
just asking yourself three simple
questions questions that I’ve discovered
one-by-one over time from my own
personal experiences question number one
what do I know for sure just by asking
this one question I’ve been able to
release my egos grip on my world to
change everything without changing
anything
my micromanaging boss who treats me like
a child becomes just a boss who prefers
that militant employee at the DMV who’s
becomes the man who is just letting me
know that they are closing for the day
and giving me simple instructions on
when I could come back to renew my car
license bad ex-husband who’s trying to
take my children from me becomes just a
dad who wants to spend an extra day with
his kids see in all these cases I found
that my pain wasn’t from my reality it
was from the story that I created about
my reality so asking that one question
helped me to stop judging to see things
more clearly to toggle switch myself up
into high self when we ask ourselves the
question what do I know for sure we’re
able to look at what we know to be true
about reality it gives us a chance to
reflect on what’s happening and to see
reality as it really is and how it
really is is never as bad as it seems
that question helped me to stop judging
and I found that when I stopped judging
my natural inclination was helping and
the next question followed quickly
question number two what could I do to
help I started to reflect on what I
could do to enhance my bosses trust in
me to make it easier for my ex-husband
to see his children to just be nice to
the DMV guy and follow his simple
instructions to just come back tomorrow
by asking myself what I could do to help
I found that it spontaneously led me not
just to help myself but to help my
friends and colleagues and co-workers to
do the same living with these two
questions allowed me for a time to live
a couple of years and what I would say
was bliss
I felt so enlightened after all life’s
messy but you can still live happy and
then I found myself in a situation that
just wasn’t going to be helped by these
two simple questions the man that I
loved for 23 years made some choices
that ended our marriage this was the guy
that five years earlier had broke his
neck one night after diving into a pool
and in the darkness he was drowning
until I jumped in and saved him I stood
by him for his entire rehabilitation
building a new life for all of us he
recovered and then he left us me and my
four sons I was devastated and I was
scared and a lot of times I was
desperate his head injury fueled his
fury and his blame for me the separation
at times was brutal but there were some
really cool things happening in my life
as well at that time I was invited to
Chicago to give the biggest keynote of
my life I pulled up to the swanky hotel
I was giddy with excitement and
anticipation
I just needed to get a great night’s
sleep look like a million bucks step on
stage and wow um that next day
now this check-in what my credit cards
been denied no worries I have another
and another and then the reality became
clear my son’s father had maxed out
every credit card in order to secure
assets for himself during our divorce I
had no money I had no place to stay that
night I had no options
I grew furious my big day tomorrow had
been ruined he had taken that from me
and my ego came calling hard but wait I
have these two questions what do I know
that I’m working my damn butt off trying
to make it all work for everybody
supporting everybody raising the kids
juggling everything to make it work what
could I do to help yeah I had no
intention to help than him my questions
were failing me and then from someplace
deep inside a new question arose when
they needed it most
question number three what would great
look like if I was great in this moment
what would great look like well great
would be succeeding in spite of the
circumstances joyfully for me for my
kids and yes even for him I moved right
into what do I know for sure right past
helping but into innovation I moved
right through all of that and suddenly
the questions took on a new life what
did I know for sure I had no place to
stay
really I had a rental car the seats
folded down I found a place to park and
I said an alarm look like a million
bucks the hotel had a spa all I had to
do is wait for a guess to enter the spa
with her key
and piggyback right behind her and you
know what the keynotes went great I was
able to rise above the conflicts with my
husband to a place beyond all of that to
a place from which I could engage with
the world and have the impact I felt
like I was born to have great in this
situation meant being the best working
mom I could be for my kids and create a
fabulous new chapter grades meant takin
that stage and being in the moment and
bringing my research to the world place
and the workplace I was able to not
focus on my ego story but to focus on
what I knew for sure and how I could
help and I’m being great somehow and by
doing that I was able to help a lot of
people ditch the drama in their lives as
well three simple questions gifts to me
from my highest self in my time of need
and I would love for these three
questions to be my gift to all of you
along with my favorite quotes from a
Sufi poet named Rumi out beyond the
ideas of right doing and wrongdoing
there is a field I’ll meet you there and
I’ll be the one who’s smiling thank you [Applause]
group of successful leaders on a hike up
a sacred mountain near Tecate Mexico the
view is spectacular as is the company I
feel like I’ve won life’s lottery when
either the corner of my eye I see
something slithering on the path before
us and with a single thought snake that
glorious moment is gone suddenly I start
to hyperventilate major organ systems
are shutting down I need to pee like a
pack mule I need a plan John Wayne comes
to mind when he got bit by a rattlesnake
he had an ex in his own hand sucked out
so with my hand on my pocket knife
prepared to perform major surgery on
myself I realize that I am NOT gonna be
able to suck my own ankle
and I am going to die somehow I take a
step forward and I see that that snake
is just a rope that’s fallen off
note I still need to pee like a pack
mule but let’s come off the mountain
back to our seats because I have a
question for you what caused my stress
that morning was I really being
threatened by a piece of rope no of
course not
but that part of my brain that I call
ego told me the story that I was and I
believed every word of it
every single word what if you just
stopped believing everything you think
pain isn’t from our reality it’s from
our stories I made this realization at
that moment that we suffer because of
our stories not our realities what if
you just stopped believing everything
you think and you paused and self
reflected this simple action lets you
bypass your ego and taps in to a better
part of your brain how do I know this
this accidental discovery led to an
unexpected career as a drama researcher
studying how much time and energy we
spend in drama in the workplace and that
number lost in drama two and a half
hours per day per person 816 hours of
your precious year lost to drama and
that is productivity two and a half
hours of productivity that you kiss
bye forever two and a half hours a day
spent in self-inflicted pain venting or
complaining or gossiping or trying to
figure out with your colleague while
your boss down the hallway is such a
jerk time that we can’t recapture it’s
time you spend feeling like a victim at
the mercy of your circumstances seeing
insult where there isn’t any just
feeling miserable I call this living in
low self when you focus on everything
that sucks
you feel bad everybody around you feels
bad it’s a terrible place to be and yet
we choose to go there every single day
now that’s the bad news the good news is
it doesn’t have to be that way after
creating his masterpiece the beautiful
sculpture of David Michael Angelo was
supposedly asked a question was it hard
carving this beautiful statue and his
reply was no it wasn’t hard at all
I simply removed every piece from the
marble that wasn’t David what would your
life be like instead of searching to be
happier and working so hard to be
innovative and creative and engaged you
realize that you already were all those
things once you’ve just chipped away all
that wasn’t you what if happiness and
success is our natural state once the
drama is gone now imagine you have a
toggle switch in the middle of your
forehead when it’s toggled down you’re
seeing the world through the eyes of
your ego your circumstances seemed to be
the source of your pain you are the
victim you feel better by venting and
complaining and faceting
scorekeeping but when your toggle switch
is up you are seeing the world from a
different viewpoints you are
compassionate you’re helping not judging
you are full of ideas you can see so
many options in ways that you personally
can impact the world
say hello to hi self the best part of
this setup is you cannot be in low self
and high self at the same time nope it’s
completely impossible to be judging and
helping simultaneously so how can you
just flip your own toggle switch from
suffering to a better view of the world
it’s simple self reflection the ultimate
drama diffuser you can move to high self
beyond all the drama and unhappiness by
just asking yourself three simple
questions questions that I’ve discovered
one-by-one over time from my own
personal experiences question number one
what do I know for sure just by asking
this one question I’ve been able to
release my egos grip on my world to
change everything without changing
anything
my micromanaging boss who treats me like
a child becomes just a boss who prefers
that militant employee at the DMV who’s
becomes the man who is just letting me
know that they are closing for the day
and giving me simple instructions on
when I could come back to renew my car
license bad ex-husband who’s trying to
take my children from me becomes just a
dad who wants to spend an extra day with
his kids see in all these cases I found
that my pain wasn’t from my reality it
was from the story that I created about
my reality so asking that one question
helped me to stop judging to see things
more clearly to toggle switch myself up
into high self when we ask ourselves the
question what do I know for sure we’re
able to look at what we know to be true
about reality it gives us a chance to
reflect on what’s happening and to see
reality as it really is and how it
really is is never as bad as it seems
that question helped me to stop judging
and I found that when I stopped judging
my natural inclination was helping and
the next question followed quickly
question number two what could I do to
help I started to reflect on what I
could do to enhance my bosses trust in
me to make it easier for my ex-husband
to see his children to just be nice to
the DMV guy and follow his simple
instructions to just come back tomorrow
by asking myself what I could do to help
I found that it spontaneously led me not
just to help myself but to help my
friends and colleagues and co-workers to
do the same living with these two
questions allowed me for a time to live
a couple of years and what I would say
was bliss
I felt so enlightened after all life’s
messy but you can still live happy and
then I found myself in a situation that
just wasn’t going to be helped by these
two simple questions the man that I
loved for 23 years made some choices
that ended our marriage this was the guy
that five years earlier had broke his
neck one night after diving into a pool
and in the darkness he was drowning
until I jumped in and saved him I stood
by him for his entire rehabilitation
building a new life for all of us he
recovered and then he left us me and my
four sons I was devastated and I was
scared and a lot of times I was
desperate his head injury fueled his
fury and his blame for me the separation
at times was brutal but there were some
really cool things happening in my life
as well at that time I was invited to
Chicago to give the biggest keynote of
my life I pulled up to the swanky hotel
I was giddy with excitement and
anticipation
I just needed to get a great night’s
sleep look like a million bucks step on
stage and wow um that next day
now this check-in what my credit cards
been denied no worries I have another
and another and then the reality became
clear my son’s father had maxed out
every credit card in order to secure
assets for himself during our divorce I
had no money I had no place to stay that
night I had no options
I grew furious my big day tomorrow had
been ruined he had taken that from me
and my ego came calling hard but wait I
have these two questions what do I know
that I’m working my damn butt off trying
to make it all work for everybody
supporting everybody raising the kids
juggling everything to make it work what
could I do to help yeah I had no
intention to help than him my questions
were failing me and then from someplace
deep inside a new question arose when
they needed it most
question number three what would great
look like if I was great in this moment
what would great look like well great
would be succeeding in spite of the
circumstances joyfully for me for my
kids and yes even for him I moved right
into what do I know for sure right past
helping but into innovation I moved
right through all of that and suddenly
the questions took on a new life what
did I know for sure I had no place to
stay
really I had a rental car the seats
folded down I found a place to park and
I said an alarm look like a million
bucks the hotel had a spa all I had to
do is wait for a guess to enter the spa
with her key
and piggyback right behind her and you
know what the keynotes went great I was
able to rise above the conflicts with my
husband to a place beyond all of that to
a place from which I could engage with
the world and have the impact I felt
like I was born to have great in this
situation meant being the best working
mom I could be for my kids and create a
fabulous new chapter grades meant takin
that stage and being in the moment and
bringing my research to the world place
and the workplace I was able to not
focus on my ego story but to focus on
what I knew for sure and how I could
help and I’m being great somehow and by
doing that I was able to help a lot of
people ditch the drama in their lives as
well three simple questions gifts to me
from my highest self in my time of need
and I would love for these three
questions to be my gift to all of you
along with my favorite quotes from a
Sufi poet named Rumi out beyond the
ideas of right doing and wrongdoing
there is a field I’ll meet you there and
I’ll be the one who’s smiling thank you [Applause]
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