springboard diving is a beautiful sport
it requires grace strength flexibility
and mental fortitude to walk down that
diving board alone knowing that all eyes
are on you and that the judges are going
to scrutinize your every move whether
your legs are straight your toes are
pointed and if you’ve entered the water
perfectly positioned what was less
beautiful however was the process of
learning that new dive and I used to be
a diver at the University of Notre Dame
and I vividly remember this process our
coach would always have us start on the
trampoline he would put us in this belt
where he would help to pull our weight
so we wouldn’t land on our head then we
would move to the 1 meter diving board
where we would try a really basic form
of the dive we might do two flips
instead of the two and a half that we
would need to do when it came to three
meter I have to admit though I’m a bit
of a wimp and when it come when it came
to learning a new dive I was always
really cautious and conservative I knew
how much it hurt to land on the water
wrong and I had the bruises to prove
that it hurt to smack so when it came
time to new learn a new dive I would
always weigh my chances of successfully
completing it with belly flopping and in
these circumstances my teammates both
male and female would say this phrase is
to encourage me they would say Natalie
man up man up I’m I’m not a man but I
knew exactly what they meant because we
hear phrases like this in our society
all the time we hear man up be a man I
hope that my son becomes a man one day
and to me what they were doing was they
were encouraging me they were telling me
that I should be tough aggressive
fearless and those are all good things
it’s good to be tough it’s good to be
aggressive it’s good to be fearless what
I never stopped once to ask however
was why didn’t they tell me to woman up
why didn’t they say Natalie woman up and
I’ve thought about this a lot
and I’ve come to the conclusion that
they didn’t say Natalie and woman up
because they didn’t really want that for
me our society doesn’t often want both
men and women to woman up in the same
way that we want both men and women to
man up of course there are exceptions
some women want to be more feminine or
more girly but often our society places
the masculine on a pedestal and we see
the feminine as something that’s
inferior now bear with me here I’m going
to play on a few stereotypes but we see
this in many ways in our society today
we’re very comfortable when women enter
traditionally male spaces where we’re
very comfortable if a woman wants to
take on an executive position in a
corporation and we we glorify women who
have done this like Sheryl Sandberg who
is a CEO of Facebook we’re very
comfortable when young women want to
take on sports that require more
masculine traits like aggression such as
rugby or soccer and we’ve glorified
women who are physically power powerful
like Serena Williams our lives even even
in really simple ways we’re used to
hearing women express their favorite
colors as blue or green which are
stereotypically masculine colors so
we’re very used to hearing women take on
the masculine traits we’re very used to
hearing women take on feminine traits
what we’re less used to is seeing men
take on more feminine traits we’re not
as comfortable when men express a desire
to become a nanny or a nurse or
secretary stereotypically feminine jobs
that require carrying or compassion or
communication we’re not as comfortable
when a man expresses a fervent desire to
become a ballerina or a figure skater
stereotypically feminine sports that
require expression
and emotion even with a simple the
simple idea of favorite colors we’re not
used to hearing men express their
favorite colors of pink or purple
stereotypically feminine colors and
we’re not used to hearing or we’re not
used to seeing men cry or show
vulnerability so what I’m going to ask
from you tonight is that you not only
man up in your life which is a really
good thing but that you also begin to
woman up too in Chinese the word woman
means we and so what I’m going to ask is
that you start to give women a chance
that you start to give the we or us a
chance so what’s the problem when we
over glorify masculinity and undervalue
femininity oh there are a few problems
with this the first is that it can be
harmful especially for young men young
men are three times less likely to wear
a seat belt and young women and it’s no
wonder when we’ve told them to be
fearless and to take risks in the u.s.
today
85% of homicides have been committed by
men and in the last three decades of the
100 mass shootings that have happened in
the u.s. ninety eight of those have been
committed by men and it’s not only
harmful in many ways but a lot of men
also miss out on opportunities there was
a study done that found that when men
were more present as fathers in the home
they had higher rates of job
satisfaction and lower rates of
substance abuse when they when they took
on these more stereotypically feminine
roles they were happier now this isn’t
only a problem for young men this is
also problematic for young women in many
ways – and this often comes in the form
of missed opportunities there was a
massive study done by the Peterson
Institute of economics and they had
looked at 22,000 companies across 91
country’s so in an enormous study and
what they found was that when a company
moved from a leadership team that was
just 0% women to 30% women their net
revenue increased by 15% Alibaba is a
perfect example of this they are one of
the biggest corporations in the world
and they are one of the most successful
corporations in the world and half of
their employees are women and 33% of
their leadership team is female now I
want to be very clear that what I’m not
saying is that only women can be
successful what I am saying is that
maybe diversity or what women can bring
or those feminine traits are important
women tend to take fewer unnecessary
risks
women tend to be really strong team
players and sometimes I can make the
difference in a corporation what becomes
tricky is getting those women into that
leadership position however I’m gonna
say it one more study that happened in
2012 and they looked at or they asked
people of all ages from ages 8 to 65
they asked people to draw what they
thought a leader should look like and
nearly 80% drew men now that’s not
necessarily a problem that can be a good
thing but I realized that the study made
me reflect and realize that if I had
been asked to do this maybe five years
ago I probably would have drawn a man at
a previous school where I worked I was
on a hiring team and we were hiring for
this leadership position and I realized
that when I was interviewing people
I always glorified the masculine and
undervalued the feminine every time that
a male candidate was confident or
Addie’s or comfortable I thought oh
leader and every time that a woman was a
little more nervous or reserved or
hesitant I didn’t see that as leadership
and so what I’ve really worked on in my
own life is when I go into an interview
today I try to know my biases
and elevate the feminine to be on the
same level as a masculine so moving
forward from all of these problems I
think it’s really important that we have
a conversation about how much I
absolutely love boba sometimes there in
his bubble tea I have fluently in love
boba and I remember when I first drink
bubble tea I could not help but think
how weird this drink was like there are
these there’s this milk tea and there
are these tapioca things shooting up a
straw and I remember thinking like who
would ever combine these things together
they seem to make no sense and so
sometimes I like to picture how this
even started and what I imagine is there
may be I don’t know a hundred years ago
or so there was a person selling milk
tea on the side of the road and they
thought gosh I have this amazing product
I’m selling things really well people
love people who love what I’m selling I
don’t need anything to make it better
one day however a person want I’m
walking down the street passes by
selling tapioca balls and they say hey
let’s let’s combine our product I think
it would be really great and at first
the person selling milk tea says no I
don’t need anything else I already have
this amazing product I don’t need to
make it any better
fortunately for all of you boba drinkers
out there they decided to combine and
what they realized was that these two
things that were separate but equally
good products when they combined they
became something even better so many of
you in this audience tonight
are high school students and you are
perfectly positioned to shape the
society that you want to live in and you
being here tonight tells me that
hopefully you have an open mind and I
recognized that when you leave this talk
it may be tempting to go home and you
know poke holes in all of my arguments
and rip each other and laugh and give
each other a hard time
say like woman up and that’s okay those
are okay things to do but I hope that
when you truly reflect I hope that you
are open to the message that I’m sharing
with you tonight you I hope that when
you talk to your male friends I hope
that you encourage them to be vulnerable
I hope that if they need to cry you tell
them that that’s okay I hope that you
tell your male friends to not only man
up but I hope you tell them to woman up
too I hope that you encourage your
female friends to embrace those things
that make them feminine that they should
embrace being carrying or compassionate
or maybe risk avoidant and I hope that
you live in a society where those traits
are seen as an asset are seen as
valuable I hope that when you are
walking down the hallway next week and
you hear something that’s disparaging
toward women or disparaging toward a
feminine trait I hope that if you hear
someone say don’t cry don’t be a girl or
women only belong in the kitchen I hope
that you question them or that you enter
into a dialogue with them I hope that if
you are on a hiring committee one day I
hope you don’t make the same mistakes
that I did and I hope that you know your
biases and you elevate the feminine to
match the masculine I hope that you give
woman we us a chance and I hope that you
combine milk tea and tapioca in your
life and now you not only man up but
that you woman up to thank you [Applause]
it requires grace strength flexibility
and mental fortitude to walk down that
diving board alone knowing that all eyes
are on you and that the judges are going
to scrutinize your every move whether
your legs are straight your toes are
pointed and if you’ve entered the water
perfectly positioned what was less
beautiful however was the process of
learning that new dive and I used to be
a diver at the University of Notre Dame
and I vividly remember this process our
coach would always have us start on the
trampoline he would put us in this belt
where he would help to pull our weight
so we wouldn’t land on our head then we
would move to the 1 meter diving board
where we would try a really basic form
of the dive we might do two flips
instead of the two and a half that we
would need to do when it came to three
meter I have to admit though I’m a bit
of a wimp and when it come when it came
to learning a new dive I was always
really cautious and conservative I knew
how much it hurt to land on the water
wrong and I had the bruises to prove
that it hurt to smack so when it came
time to new learn a new dive I would
always weigh my chances of successfully
completing it with belly flopping and in
these circumstances my teammates both
male and female would say this phrase is
to encourage me they would say Natalie
man up man up I’m I’m not a man but I
knew exactly what they meant because we
hear phrases like this in our society
all the time we hear man up be a man I
hope that my son becomes a man one day
and to me what they were doing was they
were encouraging me they were telling me
that I should be tough aggressive
fearless and those are all good things
it’s good to be tough it’s good to be
aggressive it’s good to be fearless what
I never stopped once to ask however
was why didn’t they tell me to woman up
why didn’t they say Natalie woman up and
I’ve thought about this a lot
and I’ve come to the conclusion that
they didn’t say Natalie and woman up
because they didn’t really want that for
me our society doesn’t often want both
men and women to woman up in the same
way that we want both men and women to
man up of course there are exceptions
some women want to be more feminine or
more girly but often our society places
the masculine on a pedestal and we see
the feminine as something that’s
inferior now bear with me here I’m going
to play on a few stereotypes but we see
this in many ways in our society today
we’re very comfortable when women enter
traditionally male spaces where we’re
very comfortable if a woman wants to
take on an executive position in a
corporation and we we glorify women who
have done this like Sheryl Sandberg who
is a CEO of Facebook we’re very
comfortable when young women want to
take on sports that require more
masculine traits like aggression such as
rugby or soccer and we’ve glorified
women who are physically power powerful
like Serena Williams our lives even even
in really simple ways we’re used to
hearing women express their favorite
colors as blue or green which are
stereotypically masculine colors so
we’re very used to hearing women take on
the masculine traits we’re very used to
hearing women take on feminine traits
what we’re less used to is seeing men
take on more feminine traits we’re not
as comfortable when men express a desire
to become a nanny or a nurse or
secretary stereotypically feminine jobs
that require carrying or compassion or
communication we’re not as comfortable
when a man expresses a fervent desire to
become a ballerina or a figure skater
stereotypically feminine sports that
require expression
and emotion even with a simple the
simple idea of favorite colors we’re not
used to hearing men express their
favorite colors of pink or purple
stereotypically feminine colors and
we’re not used to hearing or we’re not
used to seeing men cry or show
vulnerability so what I’m going to ask
from you tonight is that you not only
man up in your life which is a really
good thing but that you also begin to
woman up too in Chinese the word woman
means we and so what I’m going to ask is
that you start to give women a chance
that you start to give the we or us a
chance so what’s the problem when we
over glorify masculinity and undervalue
femininity oh there are a few problems
with this the first is that it can be
harmful especially for young men young
men are three times less likely to wear
a seat belt and young women and it’s no
wonder when we’ve told them to be
fearless and to take risks in the u.s.
today
85% of homicides have been committed by
men and in the last three decades of the
100 mass shootings that have happened in
the u.s. ninety eight of those have been
committed by men and it’s not only
harmful in many ways but a lot of men
also miss out on opportunities there was
a study done that found that when men
were more present as fathers in the home
they had higher rates of job
satisfaction and lower rates of
substance abuse when they when they took
on these more stereotypically feminine
roles they were happier now this isn’t
only a problem for young men this is
also problematic for young women in many
ways – and this often comes in the form
of missed opportunities there was a
massive study done by the Peterson
Institute of economics and they had
looked at 22,000 companies across 91
country’s so in an enormous study and
what they found was that when a company
moved from a leadership team that was
just 0% women to 30% women their net
revenue increased by 15% Alibaba is a
perfect example of this they are one of
the biggest corporations in the world
and they are one of the most successful
corporations in the world and half of
their employees are women and 33% of
their leadership team is female now I
want to be very clear that what I’m not
saying is that only women can be
successful what I am saying is that
maybe diversity or what women can bring
or those feminine traits are important
women tend to take fewer unnecessary
risks
women tend to be really strong team
players and sometimes I can make the
difference in a corporation what becomes
tricky is getting those women into that
leadership position however I’m gonna
say it one more study that happened in
2012 and they looked at or they asked
people of all ages from ages 8 to 65
they asked people to draw what they
thought a leader should look like and
nearly 80% drew men now that’s not
necessarily a problem that can be a good
thing but I realized that the study made
me reflect and realize that if I had
been asked to do this maybe five years
ago I probably would have drawn a man at
a previous school where I worked I was
on a hiring team and we were hiring for
this leadership position and I realized
that when I was interviewing people
I always glorified the masculine and
undervalued the feminine every time that
a male candidate was confident or
Addie’s or comfortable I thought oh
leader and every time that a woman was a
little more nervous or reserved or
hesitant I didn’t see that as leadership
and so what I’ve really worked on in my
own life is when I go into an interview
today I try to know my biases
and elevate the feminine to be on the
same level as a masculine so moving
forward from all of these problems I
think it’s really important that we have
a conversation about how much I
absolutely love boba sometimes there in
his bubble tea I have fluently in love
boba and I remember when I first drink
bubble tea I could not help but think
how weird this drink was like there are
these there’s this milk tea and there
are these tapioca things shooting up a
straw and I remember thinking like who
would ever combine these things together
they seem to make no sense and so
sometimes I like to picture how this
even started and what I imagine is there
may be I don’t know a hundred years ago
or so there was a person selling milk
tea on the side of the road and they
thought gosh I have this amazing product
I’m selling things really well people
love people who love what I’m selling I
don’t need anything to make it better
one day however a person want I’m
walking down the street passes by
selling tapioca balls and they say hey
let’s let’s combine our product I think
it would be really great and at first
the person selling milk tea says no I
don’t need anything else I already have
this amazing product I don’t need to
make it any better
fortunately for all of you boba drinkers
out there they decided to combine and
what they realized was that these two
things that were separate but equally
good products when they combined they
became something even better so many of
you in this audience tonight
are high school students and you are
perfectly positioned to shape the
society that you want to live in and you
being here tonight tells me that
hopefully you have an open mind and I
recognized that when you leave this talk
it may be tempting to go home and you
know poke holes in all of my arguments
and rip each other and laugh and give
each other a hard time
say like woman up and that’s okay those
are okay things to do but I hope that
when you truly reflect I hope that you
are open to the message that I’m sharing
with you tonight you I hope that when
you talk to your male friends I hope
that you encourage them to be vulnerable
I hope that if they need to cry you tell
them that that’s okay I hope that you
tell your male friends to not only man
up but I hope you tell them to woman up
too I hope that you encourage your
female friends to embrace those things
that make them feminine that they should
embrace being carrying or compassionate
or maybe risk avoidant and I hope that
you live in a society where those traits
are seen as an asset are seen as
valuable I hope that when you are
walking down the hallway next week and
you hear something that’s disparaging
toward women or disparaging toward a
feminine trait I hope that if you hear
someone say don’t cry don’t be a girl or
women only belong in the kitchen I hope
that you question them or that you enter
into a dialogue with them I hope that if
you are on a hiring committee one day I
hope you don’t make the same mistakes
that I did and I hope that you know your
biases and you elevate the feminine to
match the masculine I hope that you give
woman we us a chance and I hope that you
combine milk tea and tapioca in your
life and now you not only man up but
that you woman up to thank you [Applause]
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