Press "Enter" to skip to content

The Transformative Power of Rejection | Jeremy Greene | TEDxShanghaiAmericanSchoolPuxi


well well well look at all y’all here
see like with TED talks it’s kind of
like you got to make it your own you got
to own it you got to let your identity
and your style flow so you know for me I
always got to be an original so I grew
up like on hip hop back in the 90s like
some real good quality rap music so what
we do and hip hop with your shout out so
I get shoutouts to y’all out there in
the crowd I get shoutouts to miss
Clementine Churchill she know who she is
and I give shout outs to Yoshi he knows
who he is too
so welcome to rejection heartbreak hotel
population us right now in this room so
when this event came across my desk in
May the emergence concept the theme of
emergence I had to resonate a little bit
and what I thought about in that may
dealing with rejection dealing with
family situations back home in
Sacramento California area family
originates from Baton Rouge Louisiana
I thought about rejection and ivory
rejection that I’ve gone through in my
life as people play drums in the back
but a bunch I got some good ears I’m
just saying I got them from my
granddaddy so sorry you’re not my type
that’s one form of rejection right so
the rejection tonight I’m going to talk
about though relates to each and every
one of y’all right now SAS is high
rigorous high academics right the goal
is to get to a university and flourish
but sometimes when we are in that
pathway as families as students and so
forth rejection meets us and it can be
heartbreaking it could be disappointing
the feeling of failure so this focus is
on my rejection when I try to enter my
graduate studies program to become a
school psychologist so ever since I was
young when I was thinking about this
emergence theme ever since I was been
young I’ve had this rejection kind of
thing like I said whether it’s failing a
test whether it’s not getting a job
whether it’s having a grade school crush
singing your sixth grade talent show
– said crush and you know not getting
even thank you
but you see rejection takes on so many
different forms so ever since I was
young I always would have young and old
come and ask me for advice they tell me
about their problems like I said people
my age and people 30 years older than me
it was it was an odd situation when I
think back at it but for some reason the
people that have come to me felt that I
had the ability to give them something
to be a giver something in my heart
spoke and they listened and they
appreciated that these are my siblings
right here this is in 94 and so we added
one more and you’ll probably see that
later so it’s a trait that I like to you
know thank my father for when we’re
thinking about our identity when we’re
thinking of merchants we have to thank
the ancestors or our family structures
or mentors who whoever so that nurturing
kind of component the ability to try to
help is something that I think I
inherited from my father who in turn
inherited from his mother this is the
picture of me in Louisiana and of course
my mother also a caring kind woman who
would always put the needs of others
first before her and when you have five
children and the fourth youngest of 13
kids
you kind of learn that you have to you
know pick your battles and give just
saying
sohe’s go to 2008 UC Davis graduate
graduated with my bachelor’s in
psychology minor and black studies so
when I was about to go on this path of
trying to become a school psychologist
because like I said I always was told
that I gave good advice as well as
having a father who’s a community
college math professor I’ve always been
around school so I knew that that was
what I wanted for my path in my destiny
so I found a program that fit the needs
that I speak of to become a qualified
school psychologist California State
University Sacramento this is a
considered one of the top programs in
our area in Northern California if not
more so because it’s accredited by our
National Association and well there’s a
coordinator of this program is the Prez
above our state as well as national
organization so this is big-time in my
mind and this is also a competitive
program too so from the professors that
I used to talk to at this time you know
they only said 10 or 15 some applicants
out of 50 plus that’s a small percentage
just go back so I met a professor who
served as my mentor over that summer of
2008 she told me the things that I
needed to do to assemble her application
in order to have a chance to get into
this program so volunteer hours of my
kids sisters elementary school getting
letters of recommendation from doctor
and level professionals as well as
taking additional Coast’s coursework I
felt like and this is the school that I
volunteered at for years and years I
felt like I was prepared for this
journey that take this destiny by the
hand so I show up to this interview a
year later Education Department I go
upstairs as a panel of three people
including my mentor who tried to coach
me into the program I sit there I
interview there’s about 10 questions or
so I’m not nervous because I prepared
for this a year and basically my whole
life the funny thing is I’m sitting
there and I’m interviewing with this
panel and the mentor even comments on
the fact that it seemed like I was well
prepared she was surprised it’s like I
actually took the time to get ready for
this interview
that’s it has something that still
lingers with me today because at the end
of the day if you want something so bad
you’re gonna prepare you’re gonna plan
you’re gonna focus you’re gonna make
something that’s gonna manifest itself
into your reality
destiny may be funny thing is even
though I left that interview felt good
about it got compliments on how prepared
I was there is a second round of
interviews unprecedented I’m president
apparently they had a record number of
applications this year
thus they had to have a second round of
interviews
oddly enough so rewind back to the same
place a different panel questions are
kind of the same much about counseling
individual and group how do you help
kids with depression anxiety self-worth
self-esteem family
issues how do you help them if they have
been assessed as having a learning
difference or a learning disability and
other things of that nature but the vibe
of this particular interview felt
different to me it was hardly any smiles
from this one panel member because it
was a completely new panel he didn’t
really smile at all and I didn’t really
feel that Bob with him that I felt with
their first round of interview Pat the
interview panel so at the end of a of
you he looks at me like I said he didn’t
smile one one little iota of a smile it
tells me the reason we’re having this
interview is cuz record number blah blah
blah and not everybody’s gonna get into
this program that’s when I knew
literally right at that second that I
wasn’t getting in his program literally
right at that second and a week later
the letter comes in the mail it’s a
small envelope so you know that’s not a
good sign if you ever have applied to a
college or anything small ever lose not
a good sign
welcome back to rejection heartbreak
hotel population us but in this moment
and time population was me I was
disappointed I was let down I just felt
like I give him my all and usually with
rejection usually it comes from the fact
that we do feel like we give our all and
we’re not recognized for that so the
mentor decides to send me an email she
says I want to talk to you about the
fact that you didn’t get into this
program I go to her office sitting there
it’s a bright blue sky day all the way
upstairs she tells me Jeremy the reason
you didn’t get into this program because
that interview panel felt you were too
confident in your interview where exact
quote I was shocked and stunned
so trying to practice you know
mindfulness and patience I said you know
I can understand how that’s considered
cocky so you said nobody thought you
were cocky it’s just that you have such
an intense personality that it might
overwhelm people and people that you
meet in your work
might not want to work with you because
they might think that you know it all
the sad part about this and I always
mentioned you know my ethnic identity
you know I’m mother’s Creole Native
American bloodline white French
bloodline african-american father’s
african-american but at the end of the
day identifiably I am black from black
American african-american however you to
find it so when you hear things about
that you’re too confident that you’re
too intense that’s the language right
and it’s kind of language that has
historical base narratives to it whether
qualitative or quantitative the other
has always been seen at least an
American culture as being something to
regulate whether you’re black whether
you’re brown whether you’re lgbtq+
whether you’re a woman minority in
general the other it’s always been
something that is feared so when you
hear about too intense
that’s not language that you often hear
for the other side you hear passionate
you hear driven you hear ambitious so to
say that somebody is too intense or too
confident going against everything that
we’re taught in terms of preparing for
an interview I was telling especially
considering you have an organization in
terms of Sacramento State their program
it’s mostly white professorship in a job
occupation that is mostly white in terms
of the people who work in in a system in
terms of special education like I said
kids with learning disabilities and
other learning struggles of differences
the other and is mostly over-represented
by black and brown souls so it made no
sense realistically or logically to me
these are some of the slides that I’m
referencing so one of the things that I
always have to do especially when it
comes to rejection is understand how
people see me is this
double-consciousness concept that the
philosopher WB Dubois talks about always
being mindful that how you are portrayed
in people’s eyes is playing right in
front of you and trying to be careful
not to overwhelm them but at the end of
the day why should i or any person be
doing that so
welcome to disappointment aka do you
know the sister city of rejection the
thing about it is when I was there
thinking about all of this and you know
this presentation I had to reflect on
how did I overcome my rejection
how about overcome rejections period
because I’ve been rejected a lot just
now so research would show there’s a
whole body of research that talks about
the concept of rejection it talks about
how when people have to recall a
rejection on MRI the brain activity that
would light up usually the physical pain
lights up that’s how powerful rejection
is right rejection that some researchers
goes back to hunter and gatherer at
times when we were tribes and if we got
kicked out of the tribe we had to fend
for ourselves and that usually meant not
too good of results in terms of going it
alone rejection is one of the constant
emotional wounds that we self inflict
over and over again when we think about
it we are very self-critical we don’t
usually find ourselves going to the
positive
we’re very self-critical I should have
studied harder I shouldn’t Nino I should
have you know gone in and done this done
that I should have wrote it like this I
should have wrote it like that
constantly we are self rejecting
ourselves as well so I’m gonna give you
some secrets to the transformative power
of rejection and this is things that I
see in hindsight especially working in
this school right here that we all I
feel can benefit from research-based
Coniston with suggestions positivity
there’s a whole discipline of psychology
if you’re taking psychology classes here
you probably have heard of the concept
of a positive psychology the psychology
of positivity things of that nature with
most things that are medical or clinical
we usually go for the negative if we go
for the maladaptive positive psychology
wants to flip that wants you to look at
what makes you happy what makes you
thankful what gives you gratitude and
research has shown with exercise a
strong support system as well as a
positive mindset just being thankful can
result in goal attainment better energy
and so forth because with rejection
rejection impacts like a
self-esteem and also impacts our
self-worth and even our intelligence
because of your feeling disappointing
you’re not going to be able to think
clearly resilience is something we also
try to talk about in this school as well
the ability that when one door closes we
formulate a plan to keep going to be
resilient to not give up to not
surrender the heart of a champion in
some ways mindsets is also what we talk
about fixed and growth mindset as simple
as this
the belief in your change ability your
change potential and the ability of
others has changed as well in a growth
very important and as I’ve mentioned
before support systems but as well as
this empathy and hope because if you
feel like this is the end this black and
white thinking and not see the world as
vibrant as it is and the possible
opportunities and possibilities then
sometimes that rejection is gonna fill
this code as the winner in Chicago and I
posted that because I know some people
who are in the crowd from Chicago as
well probably too yeah
so the funny thing is even back then in
around 2009 and 2010 that story I
mentioned I had the elements and the
secrets of overcoming rejection all
along I have beautiful parents back home
that loved me dearly I have four
siblings beautiful siblings two brothers
two sisters always the fire they love me
for who I am and I love them dearly I
took that rejection and pain and like I
do with any disappointment and heartache
I make something from it creativity is
powerful and it’s something we need to
preach even more so I write poetry I do
music and then all of that during that
time as well as adding another little
bit of volunteer hours I reapplied to
this program because they weren’t gonna
and they actually gave me another
interview so that was great I sit there
the same professor the coordinator of
this program who I didn’t realize was a
coordinator of this program like I’ve
probably mentioned earlier but he was
coordinated program sat there I’m
talking I’m answering the same questions
I answered a year ago exact same
but he was the only one the only one
that said a different question he said
how do you handle disappointment and I
kind of knew that okay maybe it was you
all along who didn’t think I was
offended last year I told him this
answer I said this appointment comes
from expectation if we don’t expect to
be disappointed sometimes we don’t have
the ability to overcome and emerge into
something better than that was the first
time I saw a genuine smile from him I
thought about and I told him about the
kids I worked at my sister’s elementary
school third grade class and how even
with the anger and frustration and pain
ever come across her face like sudden
storms they were resilient they can get
back to smiling and being happy and
playful that resiliency inspired me so
as I said I got in this program
excellent cohort that became family
because you need that support system in
any challenging kind of situation and
funny enough our master’s program has a
cumulative masters exam and I ended up
tying for the highest score on that
final master exam
so I’m up close up a little bit so the
thing is with rejection I didn’t let it
help me down I’m hoping that as students
and as families and shout outs to the
families because you are the biggest
support system in your children’s lives
that DS our research-based evidence type
of methods that help them overcome
rejection and transform it into
something better when my mentor came to
my school that I was working at a few
years after my graduation at Thomas high
school I was working with one of their
graduate students at the time I’m
pointing at my name and I said to her I
said this is because of you because even
if that panel didn’t believe in the good
in me she saw the good in me and with
tears in her eyes she said I always knew
you would do it so whether it’s
rejection from a school or whether it’s
rejections from people that you still
care for in love like the aforementioned
Clementine Churchill you have to believe
in your dreams we tell SAS students they
have the courage to live their dreams
and if not for the rejections I’ve been
through and the constant resiliency that
I practice in the support system that I
mentioned I would not be standing here
today on this stage and strung high at a
school with such a store achill Records
that’s well there’s in a city of such
historical prestige like I said we tell
you to have the courage to live your
dreams but that’s also having the
courage to take those rejections have no
regrets well maybe you know I’d like to
say a little rhyme you know reject your
regrets do something like that and even
with all the rejections I went through
even in instances it’s a moment of time
right I’m gonna let these rejections
shine hopefully it inspire because in
the end of the day like my grandmother
would say all is well thank you so much [Applause]
Please follow and like us: