so let’s talk about a woman’s place is
it in the house or is it in the Senate
is it in the kitchen or the c-suite well
in America thankfully in America that we
live in today a woman can really her
place is really wherever she chooses for
it to be and we have suffragettes
and women’s liberation movement to thank
for a lot of that and the rights that we
have today but I really believe that our
personal values and beliefs come from
our family of origin and our early
influencers so a woman’s place is really
evolved over time let’s go back to the
1940s where my maternal grandmother she
was among 75 percent of women who were
homemakers so only 25 percent of women
were in the workforce and my papa was
the sole financial provider for his
family you know no pressure they got
married when they were 18 like you did
back then and had my mom shortly after
and my grandmom didn’t work a day in her
life for a company but she worked her
bone she worked her fingers to the bone
every day for her family both her
immediate family and her extended family
because you see there were in the 1950s
and 60s a lot of her male relatives
would come up from Oklahoma and they
would stay with my grandparents in you
know the big city in Wichita and work
for the aircraft aviation plans because
that’s where the money was and so she
had this rotating roster of male
relatives that she would have to hand
wash and dry their laundry and she would
make their lunches and dinners and
cleanup all in addition to her usual
responsibilities of taking care of her
husband and two kids so just imagine
your favorite male relative you know
putting his dirty shoes on your clean
living room carpet I’m sure some of us
can relate
she had that time let’s multiply it by
ten men in 20 years so it’s every girl’s
dream right well the next generation my
mom’s generation she was lucky that she
got to go down a different path College
it was never really a question whether
or not she could go after all that’s why
her parents had worked so hard her dad
in the machinist unit Union and her mom
reheating dinner in these tiny little
ten cups all the leftovers on the table
all at one because they were trying to
save money so my mom growing up like
that it really shaped how she viewed her
responsibilities to have kids and to be
a wife and of course you know as you do
if she rebelled a little bit from that
and she said I don’t want to have kids
I’m not gonna have kids and you know
really why would she want to have kids
her mom had not make motherhood look fun
she had not made it look empowering she
loved her but it wasn’t the type of life
that she wanted to leave thankfully my
mom did decide to have kids and iola
hello a lot of the credit for that to my
dad because he really taught her how to
live an adventurous life he had grown up
in a family where his mother even though
she had kids ended up being a pilot and
recreationally and she held quite a few
jobs and was really a big part of the
community and so she had modeled that
for him and he was able to then share
that with my mother and you know he
encouraged her in her career and he
supported her and helped out with me and
my brother and that allowed me really to
grow up believing that women could have
careers they could own businesses they
could travel and they could still be
amazing moms and okay so she missed a
few of my cross-country meet but you
know what she owned a business and she
was conquering the world and I really
have a lot of respect and gratitude
okay so let’s talk about my generation
yes I’m a millennial and we all know
that
as Millennials we’re struggling
simultaneously with entitlements and
self-loathing we’ve had a lot of us had
working moms who we thought rying to
balance it all and we saw as a result
their marriages their friendships and
their self-care suffer oftentimes maybe
we weren’t as close with our moms as we
wanted to be because they weren’t there
as much as we wanted them to be and so a
lot of us said you know when I have kids
I’m going to be more present I’m gonna
model a healthy work-life balance and
you know so we said is there a job I can
get where I can work from home is there
a business I can start where I can do it
from home but you know the network
marketing of the 90s and early 2000s
didn’t really appeal to a lot of the
women in my generation and so we were
negotiating for remote work
opportunities we were looking for
freelance work we were thinking about
flexible work schedules and pushing our
employers to offer those benefits and
amenities and you know it’s a kind of
work that’s still really hard to explain
to my now 90 year old grandma I work
from a computer I can work anywhere in
the world she’s like oh can you can you
take off to come visit us yeah sure I’ll
just bring my computer do you have good
internet okay I’m gonna have to go to
McDonald’s while I’m there they live in
southeastern Oklahoma and the internet
there’s not not the best so you know
we’ve really shifted and what it means
to work and that’s opened up
possibilities but it’s also been kind of
isolating as a result women today no
longer have that common shared
experience that they did in the past
though you know there was a time period
when most women were housewives they had
you know they were able to relate to
each other over child-rearing over
errands and housekeeping and then there
was a time where most women were nurses
and secretaries and teachers it was a
pretty good chance that if you ran into
somebody and they were a working woman
that you could pretty much get their
career and they related over the shared
industry their similar struggles common
mistreatment and now you know we’re not
Allstate
mom’s and we’re not all in the same
industry we no longer building those
kinds of connections that women have
always thrived on we’re so spread out in
varied experiences and we no longer
frequent the environments that formerly
allowed us to build relationships
organically you know the hair salon
going every week sitting under the
hairdryer getting your hair done getting
it set going to the public pool with
your kids and the summer going you know
having a teacher’s lounge conversations
I’ve been there I was a teacher for five
years but you know back then when that
was a predominantly female career you
know that was a place that a lot of
women made connection so we still have
some mommy groups and we still have some
women that go to work with their friends
at lunch but many of us are feeling
isolated and even when we’re surrounded
by people so their lives even the people
that were surrounded by the women that
were surrounded by they just feel so
different than us and we’re no longer
having to navigate where are we allowed
to be but what we’re having to grapple
with is how do we still feel connected
when we’re moving in and out of category
so often so let’s talk about these
categories we’ve manufactured them and
their labels that hold us back so you
know the Pinterest mom they’re perfect
right they put together the ideal first
birthday party for their kid in every
little details in place and the rest of
us feel like we can’t really shape up um
so what if that woman goes back to work
what if will she lose her friends so
what about the people that don’t have
kids choose not to have kids maybe they
don’t you know they just don’t want kids
or maybe they feel like oh you know I
don’t want to neglect kids so I’m just
gonna focus on my career and not have
them what if they do decide to have kids
are they gonna lose all their dink
friends the double income no kids what
about women who go on maternity leave
you know they’ve got to make that
decision am I gonna leave my baby with a
stranger am I going to stay at home and
feel isolated and depressed these are
the labels that we put on women
depending on which decision they make is
she going to lose her friend
and she stays at home is she gonna lose
her mommy friends if she goes to work
these labels really keep us from
interconnecting with people and they
keep our friendships defined – these
categories that we only fit into four
seasons they limit our potential you
know our personalities are too big for
one size fits all system of
classification and female friendships
are so much bigger than having babies
born in the same month or the fact that
we both use an app we miss the organic
childhood connections where the location
we were in put us in contact with kids
we might have had nothing in common with
otherwise yet we formed you know
tangible long-term friendships some of
which stand the test of time and you
know now we’re transitioning and we’re
losing friends every time we switch out
of into a different category and as a
city we’re collectively losing our
friends you’ve probably heard of the
Chung Report if you’re in Wichita and
you know recently the findings were that
over the past few years Wichita has
exported 4,000 college-educated women
under the age of 45 where did they go
well I think that they were looking for
a world where women felt empowered women
were empowered in the cities that were
already striving to meet the needs of
the new woman in this day and age what’s
making this Wichita world so unappealing
to these women well we know that in
Wichita women have lower starting wages
on average we earn 72% of what men made
the country in the country women earn
eighty percent so we’re behind the
country and if you look at women who
were minorities it’s even worse okay
it’s worse than the country and it’s
worse than Wichita we have a lack of
mentorship opportunities we have a
culture that insists still on
traditional roles for women in minutes
but it comes to parenting we have a
culture that has male-dominated
profitable industry so we know the
industries that run Wichita and you
can’t tell me they’re not male-dominated
right now and we
in flexible work schedules Wichita
hasn’t caught up Wichita businesses have
not caught up to that movement of having
remote workers so what if there was a
place where women could go to get help
on negotiating a higher salary what if
there was a place that women could go to
find a mentor what if we built a micro
community that insisted on empowering
partners to take equal part in raising
kids and being doing the housework
what if we could retrain our brains of
women to not feel guilty about dropping
the ball what if there was a place we
could network with women in min men
dominated industries so engineering
construction manufacturing and my
favorite entrepreneurship what if you
could convince your boss to work one day
a week in a space that inspires you
outside of the office so we all have
these things that you know women and are
leaving Wichita for these reasons but it
really all boils down to one thing that
we’re missing I believe it’s just one
well connection so how do you foster
connection you build a community and in
the olden days they called it a tribe
and in many parts of the world they
still call it a tribe we’re gonna call
it a hive but connection it can’t be
forced you can’t just make a hive and
then make people connect it must be
handcrafted from compassion and when do
we most need compassion when we’re
transitioning so there’s a handbook for
what to do when somebody gets married
right you do the you know beep the
bridal shower you
we’ll make a bachelorette party and a
bachelor party you go to the wedding you
know you give them a gift you do the
dance you do the cake you drink and
laugh and have fun and then nothing when
somebody has a baby we know exactly what
to do right you you know give it throw
him a baby shower give him gifts go to
the hospital when the baby’s born visits
him non-stop for two weeks just so you
can hold the baby and then nothing we
know what to do when somebody retires we
throw them a big party we get him a gift
and then nothing when somebody gets
divorced we say oh I know a great lawyer
we help him move out and then nothing we
when somebody dies we we call we give
condolences we send flowers all of that
and then nothing so think about the last
three weddings you went to have you
spoken to the happy couple since their
happy day I bet that new bride cries
herself to sleep the first time they
have a fight that they don’t resolve
before bedtime and guess what she
doesn’t have anybody to call because
she’s supposed to be happy and I bet
that new mom yawns because she’s so
sleep-deprived and isolated but there’s
nobody to call because she’s supposed to
be happy and that retiree there sitting
lonely watching the news and doing the
crossword and they have nobody to call
because they’re supposed to be happy and
then sometimes there’s places and times
when you’re supposed to be sad the
divorcee she feels free from her cage
but she can’t call anybody cuz she’s
supposed to be sad and the widow she
smiles for the very first time since her
husband has away but she has nobody she
can call and she feels terrible about
herself does she’s supposed to be sad we
need a society that we don’t need
society to tell us how to feel we need
friends who help us feel we need other
women and supportive men we can turn to
beyond the initial State
of a transition we need them to say
you’re not alone I’ve totally been there
I’m here with you I’ll listen and
sometimes when it gets really
overwhelming we need them to say okay
here’s what we’re gonna do so we’re dat
women belong I’m gonna ask you again
I believe that we belong together and I
believe that we belong in mercy in an
environment filled with connection
hungry changemakers motivated to grow
themselves and others personally and
professionally today I would like a lot
of entrepreneurs I had a problem and
there wasn’t a solution in my city and
so I created it for myself and a lot of
other people happen to be drawn to the
idea and so together we grew our
community and co-working space we call
the hive and what happens at the hive
together our members become more healthy
we’ve got a physical location with
on-site yoga massage therapy a
chiropractor and fresh local food twice
a week at lunch and learns which brings
me to inspired we regularly host
30-minute value based sessions where
local business owners give presentations
that teach our members about a topic of
interest to professionals and
entrepreneurs business growth color
psychology assertive communication
plant-based nutrition simplifying your
style one of the most important beliefs
we hold is that every member should feel
valued you’re an expert in in a field if
you’re one step ahead of somebody behind
you and then everyone is a mentor we
have women from ages 19 to over 70 in
our community at the hive and you should
see the magic that happens when you
connect incredible women of all ages in
a space together working together to
lift one another up speaking of which
our last value is that each member feels
empowered because not only do we love
you and thank you that you’re awesome we
believe you know that you can accomplish
whatever goal you set your mind to the
path may not look like you first
anticipated but there are many ways to
reach a destination and we’re along for
the ride not to drive for you to but to
make sure you keep your foot on that
pedal and your eye on that road because
girl you’ve got that thank you you
it in the house or is it in the Senate
is it in the kitchen or the c-suite well
in America thankfully in America that we
live in today a woman can really her
place is really wherever she chooses for
it to be and we have suffragettes
and women’s liberation movement to thank
for a lot of that and the rights that we
have today but I really believe that our
personal values and beliefs come from
our family of origin and our early
influencers so a woman’s place is really
evolved over time let’s go back to the
1940s where my maternal grandmother she
was among 75 percent of women who were
homemakers so only 25 percent of women
were in the workforce and my papa was
the sole financial provider for his
family you know no pressure they got
married when they were 18 like you did
back then and had my mom shortly after
and my grandmom didn’t work a day in her
life for a company but she worked her
bone she worked her fingers to the bone
every day for her family both her
immediate family and her extended family
because you see there were in the 1950s
and 60s a lot of her male relatives
would come up from Oklahoma and they
would stay with my grandparents in you
know the big city in Wichita and work
for the aircraft aviation plans because
that’s where the money was and so she
had this rotating roster of male
relatives that she would have to hand
wash and dry their laundry and she would
make their lunches and dinners and
cleanup all in addition to her usual
responsibilities of taking care of her
husband and two kids so just imagine
your favorite male relative you know
putting his dirty shoes on your clean
living room carpet I’m sure some of us
can relate
she had that time let’s multiply it by
ten men in 20 years so it’s every girl’s
dream right well the next generation my
mom’s generation she was lucky that she
got to go down a different path College
it was never really a question whether
or not she could go after all that’s why
her parents had worked so hard her dad
in the machinist unit Union and her mom
reheating dinner in these tiny little
ten cups all the leftovers on the table
all at one because they were trying to
save money so my mom growing up like
that it really shaped how she viewed her
responsibilities to have kids and to be
a wife and of course you know as you do
if she rebelled a little bit from that
and she said I don’t want to have kids
I’m not gonna have kids and you know
really why would she want to have kids
her mom had not make motherhood look fun
she had not made it look empowering she
loved her but it wasn’t the type of life
that she wanted to leave thankfully my
mom did decide to have kids and iola
hello a lot of the credit for that to my
dad because he really taught her how to
live an adventurous life he had grown up
in a family where his mother even though
she had kids ended up being a pilot and
recreationally and she held quite a few
jobs and was really a big part of the
community and so she had modeled that
for him and he was able to then share
that with my mother and you know he
encouraged her in her career and he
supported her and helped out with me and
my brother and that allowed me really to
grow up believing that women could have
careers they could own businesses they
could travel and they could still be
amazing moms and okay so she missed a
few of my cross-country meet but you
know what she owned a business and she
was conquering the world and I really
have a lot of respect and gratitude
okay so let’s talk about my generation
yes I’m a millennial and we all know
that
as Millennials we’re struggling
simultaneously with entitlements and
self-loathing we’ve had a lot of us had
working moms who we thought rying to
balance it all and we saw as a result
their marriages their friendships and
their self-care suffer oftentimes maybe
we weren’t as close with our moms as we
wanted to be because they weren’t there
as much as we wanted them to be and so a
lot of us said you know when I have kids
I’m going to be more present I’m gonna
model a healthy work-life balance and
you know so we said is there a job I can
get where I can work from home is there
a business I can start where I can do it
from home but you know the network
marketing of the 90s and early 2000s
didn’t really appeal to a lot of the
women in my generation and so we were
negotiating for remote work
opportunities we were looking for
freelance work we were thinking about
flexible work schedules and pushing our
employers to offer those benefits and
amenities and you know it’s a kind of
work that’s still really hard to explain
to my now 90 year old grandma I work
from a computer I can work anywhere in
the world she’s like oh can you can you
take off to come visit us yeah sure I’ll
just bring my computer do you have good
internet okay I’m gonna have to go to
McDonald’s while I’m there they live in
southeastern Oklahoma and the internet
there’s not not the best so you know
we’ve really shifted and what it means
to work and that’s opened up
possibilities but it’s also been kind of
isolating as a result women today no
longer have that common shared
experience that they did in the past
though you know there was a time period
when most women were housewives they had
you know they were able to relate to
each other over child-rearing over
errands and housekeeping and then there
was a time where most women were nurses
and secretaries and teachers it was a
pretty good chance that if you ran into
somebody and they were a working woman
that you could pretty much get their
career and they related over the shared
industry their similar struggles common
mistreatment and now you know we’re not
Allstate
mom’s and we’re not all in the same
industry we no longer building those
kinds of connections that women have
always thrived on we’re so spread out in
varied experiences and we no longer
frequent the environments that formerly
allowed us to build relationships
organically you know the hair salon
going every week sitting under the
hairdryer getting your hair done getting
it set going to the public pool with
your kids and the summer going you know
having a teacher’s lounge conversations
I’ve been there I was a teacher for five
years but you know back then when that
was a predominantly female career you
know that was a place that a lot of
women made connection so we still have
some mommy groups and we still have some
women that go to work with their friends
at lunch but many of us are feeling
isolated and even when we’re surrounded
by people so their lives even the people
that were surrounded by the women that
were surrounded by they just feel so
different than us and we’re no longer
having to navigate where are we allowed
to be but what we’re having to grapple
with is how do we still feel connected
when we’re moving in and out of category
so often so let’s talk about these
categories we’ve manufactured them and
their labels that hold us back so you
know the Pinterest mom they’re perfect
right they put together the ideal first
birthday party for their kid in every
little details in place and the rest of
us feel like we can’t really shape up um
so what if that woman goes back to work
what if will she lose her friends so
what about the people that don’t have
kids choose not to have kids maybe they
don’t you know they just don’t want kids
or maybe they feel like oh you know I
don’t want to neglect kids so I’m just
gonna focus on my career and not have
them what if they do decide to have kids
are they gonna lose all their dink
friends the double income no kids what
about women who go on maternity leave
you know they’ve got to make that
decision am I gonna leave my baby with a
stranger am I going to stay at home and
feel isolated and depressed these are
the labels that we put on women
depending on which decision they make is
she going to lose her friend
and she stays at home is she gonna lose
her mommy friends if she goes to work
these labels really keep us from
interconnecting with people and they
keep our friendships defined – these
categories that we only fit into four
seasons they limit our potential you
know our personalities are too big for
one size fits all system of
classification and female friendships
are so much bigger than having babies
born in the same month or the fact that
we both use an app we miss the organic
childhood connections where the location
we were in put us in contact with kids
we might have had nothing in common with
otherwise yet we formed you know
tangible long-term friendships some of
which stand the test of time and you
know now we’re transitioning and we’re
losing friends every time we switch out
of into a different category and as a
city we’re collectively losing our
friends you’ve probably heard of the
Chung Report if you’re in Wichita and
you know recently the findings were that
over the past few years Wichita has
exported 4,000 college-educated women
under the age of 45 where did they go
well I think that they were looking for
a world where women felt empowered women
were empowered in the cities that were
already striving to meet the needs of
the new woman in this day and age what’s
making this Wichita world so unappealing
to these women well we know that in
Wichita women have lower starting wages
on average we earn 72% of what men made
the country in the country women earn
eighty percent so we’re behind the
country and if you look at women who
were minorities it’s even worse okay
it’s worse than the country and it’s
worse than Wichita we have a lack of
mentorship opportunities we have a
culture that insists still on
traditional roles for women in minutes
but it comes to parenting we have a
culture that has male-dominated
profitable industry so we know the
industries that run Wichita and you
can’t tell me they’re not male-dominated
right now and we
in flexible work schedules Wichita
hasn’t caught up Wichita businesses have
not caught up to that movement of having
remote workers so what if there was a
place where women could go to get help
on negotiating a higher salary what if
there was a place that women could go to
find a mentor what if we built a micro
community that insisted on empowering
partners to take equal part in raising
kids and being doing the housework
what if we could retrain our brains of
women to not feel guilty about dropping
the ball what if there was a place we
could network with women in min men
dominated industries so engineering
construction manufacturing and my
favorite entrepreneurship what if you
could convince your boss to work one day
a week in a space that inspires you
outside of the office so we all have
these things that you know women and are
leaving Wichita for these reasons but it
really all boils down to one thing that
we’re missing I believe it’s just one
well connection so how do you foster
connection you build a community and in
the olden days they called it a tribe
and in many parts of the world they
still call it a tribe we’re gonna call
it a hive but connection it can’t be
forced you can’t just make a hive and
then make people connect it must be
handcrafted from compassion and when do
we most need compassion when we’re
transitioning so there’s a handbook for
what to do when somebody gets married
right you do the you know beep the
bridal shower you
we’ll make a bachelorette party and a
bachelor party you go to the wedding you
know you give them a gift you do the
dance you do the cake you drink and
laugh and have fun and then nothing when
somebody has a baby we know exactly what
to do right you you know give it throw
him a baby shower give him gifts go to
the hospital when the baby’s born visits
him non-stop for two weeks just so you
can hold the baby and then nothing we
know what to do when somebody retires we
throw them a big party we get him a gift
and then nothing when somebody gets
divorced we say oh I know a great lawyer
we help him move out and then nothing we
when somebody dies we we call we give
condolences we send flowers all of that
and then nothing so think about the last
three weddings you went to have you
spoken to the happy couple since their
happy day I bet that new bride cries
herself to sleep the first time they
have a fight that they don’t resolve
before bedtime and guess what she
doesn’t have anybody to call because
she’s supposed to be happy and I bet
that new mom yawns because she’s so
sleep-deprived and isolated but there’s
nobody to call because she’s supposed to
be happy and that retiree there sitting
lonely watching the news and doing the
crossword and they have nobody to call
because they’re supposed to be happy and
then sometimes there’s places and times
when you’re supposed to be sad the
divorcee she feels free from her cage
but she can’t call anybody cuz she’s
supposed to be sad and the widow she
smiles for the very first time since her
husband has away but she has nobody she
can call and she feels terrible about
herself does she’s supposed to be sad we
need a society that we don’t need
society to tell us how to feel we need
friends who help us feel we need other
women and supportive men we can turn to
beyond the initial State
of a transition we need them to say
you’re not alone I’ve totally been there
I’m here with you I’ll listen and
sometimes when it gets really
overwhelming we need them to say okay
here’s what we’re gonna do so we’re dat
women belong I’m gonna ask you again
I believe that we belong together and I
believe that we belong in mercy in an
environment filled with connection
hungry changemakers motivated to grow
themselves and others personally and
professionally today I would like a lot
of entrepreneurs I had a problem and
there wasn’t a solution in my city and
so I created it for myself and a lot of
other people happen to be drawn to the
idea and so together we grew our
community and co-working space we call
the hive and what happens at the hive
together our members become more healthy
we’ve got a physical location with
on-site yoga massage therapy a
chiropractor and fresh local food twice
a week at lunch and learns which brings
me to inspired we regularly host
30-minute value based sessions where
local business owners give presentations
that teach our members about a topic of
interest to professionals and
entrepreneurs business growth color
psychology assertive communication
plant-based nutrition simplifying your
style one of the most important beliefs
we hold is that every member should feel
valued you’re an expert in in a field if
you’re one step ahead of somebody behind
you and then everyone is a mentor we
have women from ages 19 to over 70 in
our community at the hive and you should
see the magic that happens when you
connect incredible women of all ages in
a space together working together to
lift one another up speaking of which
our last value is that each member feels
empowered because not only do we love
you and thank you that you’re awesome we
believe you know that you can accomplish
whatever goal you set your mind to the
path may not look like you first
anticipated but there are many ways to
reach a destination and we’re along for
the ride not to drive for you to but to
make sure you keep your foot on that
pedal and your eye on that road because
girl you’ve got that thank you you
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