my mother um she’s a southern woman from
the Virginia area and I’m what I found
out later and I’m I only can remember
for a small period of some small real
small increment of my life that I lived
in bedford-stuyvesant in the early
middle 70s eventually we had to move we
were evicted we had to leave the house
all of our friends who have really
politely decorated the concrete outside
so we have to me my brother I guess we
had to sit on the furniture the way to
my mother and get a place so we decide
to stay and it was just after that was
pretty much hard times welfare when we
moved to brown which was a much more
aggressive neighborhood and it just
wasn’t good it was just some
crime-infested drugging fest in the
neighborhood and it was very aggressive
and my mother had know a lot of men her
and her friends know a lot of men that
wouldn’t be um it wouldn’t be a normal
for me come from one of my friend’s
house I come outside a man and a woman
that’s in my mom one of my mother’s room
by my mother’s in the room when a man
and a woman and we can’t go in the room
but we have to stay outside in the
kitchen perhaps or the living room when
we can’t go in the back of the room
until I finish
[Music]
and that’s just how our life been and as
time went on I’ve learned tongue to what
people were in the back that I would um
and they fell asleep I will go in their
pockets and take their money and that’s
just how it been that’s just what it was
all about I learned how to steal at a
younger young young age my mother
friends were in our house they were
drinking I learned to go in their house
and the fights even robbed the house
where they were downstairs drinking with
my mother and that’s just um that’s
I had gum I was born with great
perception it became from my street life
from being locked up for stealing and
facing unbelievable are the young kid
had great perception and once I watched
this guy fight I just knew it was a
matter of time but I know that my time
was so calm
I know I would have to attain my goal
before it existed I knew that I knew it
would be champ of the world before I
died I knew I wasn’t gonna die before I
became champ you know dying is just as
glorious as living when you really think
about it because you couldn’t have a
life if you didn’t have death and you
couldn’t have death with our life so how
can death be less glorious in life they
both went to intertwine with one another
yeah they used to bully me in school and
so I never went back to school so well
my mother used to send me to school I
was yes people hanging around the school
walking around the school and if you
know normally we have security guard the
truant officer they see me I will take
off and run I’ll hide in the building
I’m bad in the building but I’m normally
um my mother knew I wasn’t going to
school then I met some guys one day and
they did the food too ripping me off and
they really they I have no money and
then but no lunch time I used to going
schooling eat lunch and then leave
school again so supposing what happened
meatballs and spaghetti so um one time
these guys um they wanted to rip me off
and I have no money city actually do you
want to fly birds with me so I said what
do you mean did you want to fly with us
and then I realized that they um they
took me this abandoned building but they
wanted me to get my milk the milk
climbed the fence and throw milk crates
over to them and I didn’t understand why
they wanted to milk crates but I did it
anyway because kind of scared but and
then they had two different brand new
building I didn’t know what they were
gonna do to me in that building you know
so when I want to be I saw on the roof
they had pigeons and then after that I
never went to the UM I never went to
school again once I found that had a
pinnacle and I could beat these guys
flunky then go to the store for them and
if the birds will Harbor they’re in
horrible condition so the birds would
fly for a little while and on another
roof and then make me get up and going
that roof shouldn’t get the bird off the
roof so I would go to all these rules
that the lady birds flew on and scare
the birds off hoping that they would go
back to the roof where the guys were and
I thought that was pretty cool cuz I so
wanted because at least somebody wanted
me to do something for so the next day
instead of go back around walking around
school I went to the pigeon coop and the
guy saw me and he said excuse me young
man
they said what the fuck are you doing
and they started throwing bricks at me
and why they were on the roof and I said
hey hey I just came around to see yo
guys need me to do anything for y’all
the day like help with the birds I go to
the store flea that’s all but they had
thought that I was coming back around
still that bird
I had no concept of stealing birds back
then I just wanted some place to hang
out instead of walking around the
streets all day and some weird guy be
asking me to get in the car and suck the
dick I let them suck my dick a song when
I was outside waiting for school to come
out of waiting for the lunch to appear
so I will be on the roof with these guys
who I didn’t know who might have killed
me also right so um this year
cool and then they throw down some
occultist and get some cigarettes and
get a knee-high soldier that’s it don’t
bricks at me you know it’s our ghost if
and so the guys go like this school is
over and stuff but they tell me um we’re
going to the center tonight we’re gonna
go to them the after-school center this
is where um I don’t know the poverties
choking people people living the prizes
they have a center there your Center and
they go there they’re playing music they
got a jam in the center so we’re gonna
go to the center and so um oh man I’m
saying so I said okay I want to go to
can I go and I said okay so yeah sure
you can come but I’m I’m a young kid had
no concept of you had to wash so I still
have the bird shit of all the stuff
guitar stuff from being an appendage to
helping them build oh cool so you know
we have tar paper so we had to put tar
to put the tar people in the cool
when we go back I never went home and
washed I just had the same clothes I had
all of you and when I went there the
kids that was on the roof that brought
materials they all had new clothes on
and they all laughed at me and everybody
felt laughing me and I was skidding and
bounce I started laughing too and one of
the guys that was on the roof he had
said um what the fuck you dirty little
motherfucker with you come around here
look like they didn’t ever wash and he
said you gotta meet me at the roof meet
me tomorrow a motherfucker meeting at
the roof with a burglar you met me today
even though that guy wasn’t his pigeon
but he was there he was looking for one
of those other guy his brother he was
older he said meet me at the roof hear
me sure they meet me at the fucking
picnic where you were today and I’m when
I’m assuming I’m like else Marco so um I
wanted him early in the morning just
like we’re going to school so I met him
at the pigeon coop and and from then on
me and started robbing houses
[Music]
because I was younger than him so he
would tell me they’re not gonna ring the
doorbell knock on the door and if
someone comes over say you’re looking
for this guy he’d give me a Jewish name
was Sonny I’ll give me something he is
little what to say the right stuff in
what neighborhood and I didn’t know I
didn’t then they found a little buddy he
would pick the locks
he went to can’t pick the locks we were
going everywhere I’m gonna find money
guns Jimmy it was just why I was just
such a rush being into my house and you
see them and then looked Rita and it’s
yours and he didn’t give me much money
but he bought me a lot of nice-looking
clothes he said you go back to the
center looking like this don’t forget
you hear me motherfucking over looking
like this and then I went to that Center
than those it was a whole different out
it was totally different and they used
to call me dirty Mike dirty Ike and it
wasn’t because I had bad cold always has
the best clothes but I always had was on
the pigeon coop and always got him dirty
and tall and I would never change my
clothes and wear I would never do that I
will never change my clothes to put on
some raggedy clothes and be seen and
raggedy clothes because I’ve been
traumatized from that experience when I
went to the the day care center after
school center so I’ve always just wear
my nice clothes on the pinnacle and they
will always get dirty and I would just
go home and change the changing some new
nice clothes you know till this day I’m
the same way always make sure they have
nice clothes on no matter wherever I go
I’m playing with pigeons if I’m playing
soccer if I’m picking up the garbage and
it’s just some I’m gonna just totally
been a scar I mean since them guys just
make up even though the street kid and I
would come weather like a tough kid I
never had the ego I was never really
jealous of anybody I never really
thought most of myself much of myself
but when I met cousin I started talking
because I’m he made me believe that I
was a guard they made me believe that
I’m friends console faded now to cut cut
to say now you see you hear this cuz cuz
that’s really fun we had this really um
make limini
let me tell you saying all the prophets
all the cards you ever know about if
they had a Sunday cousin meet my father
know why cause he’s my fighter
I remember I was a young kid I was
getting put on the front cover of maybe
ring magazine at the time Big Time
magazine it was could have been Sports
Illustrated but one of these magazines I
got put on the magazine and it was a
bunch of cameras around there and I was
feeling myself I was while smiling
laughs with the guys like I was a big
shot and then right after that cuff said
I’m grabbed a broom my marbles we clean
the gym and I whoa and that’s just what
I had to do you know I used to do my
place with him and it’s not my place
you know they think I would say with
other people I would never stay with him
he would only have to call me one time
and I would be there it was never like
hey be there in a minute I wanted to
make us proud that was my whole
existence was fine I want to make him
proud I never know what I would like to
have a fighter I’m a little skinnier
father so now I understand what some
kids must feel when they can’t make
their father’s happy because he would do
anything for me I was just um um I don’t
think that way now I was just I was just
disappointed that I didn’t kills them
back then look that was just my main
objective because I wanted to succeed so
bad and I was failed and um the fear of
not succeeding was worse than dying so I
just wanted to make sure they never got
up he believes I’m fighting with um your
opponent surrender his total destruction
and he then think of it as um even
though he said it was savage and
ferociously you had to do it in such a
relaxed and calm state you know without
any emotions that’s what he was all
about you know I mean
a really scientific way of destroying to
him he armed him Wow
he enjoyed hurting the opponent he want
them to never have a chance to believe
you know it wasn’t about anything our
whole life wasn’t about making money
wasn’t about being rich it was about um
and then waiting the planet could beat
us that was everything my whole life
he’s the best fighter in the world best
fight in the world there’s nobody on the
planet that could beat me I could be
anybody on the planet and a fair fight
and that’s what I always believed you
know I know they would dream think about
that now but just to be in that state of
mind I could be anybody that hung out
one day I said this and I’m I’m so hard
I’m sorry I’m so happy that I don’t
think that way anymore I was having an
interview and I and I start thinking
about cooks because it’s pretty you know
arrogant and cussed said and I said
wanna customer that’s it I was being
interviewed and I said how many people
in the pool how many people in this plan
that’s the web around five billion
people six billion I said I could be
that’s what I believed at the time
but this guy always come he said I’m on
my mind to get the better of me your
mind you don’t have your mind on your
work you’re not being disciplined he
really really knew that he always
believed that his mind could heal
anything he believed if he had cancer is
mine Cahill can’t see was a strong
believer that your body only purpose was
to carry your brain you know he was just
I respect the person who’s willing to
die for what he truly wants even if it’s
love even this is a woman whatever is it
that he truly believes in and that I
believe that he he it transcends them to
that um then level to UM demand them so
lovely existed for instance um I look at
lovers of a command to just rise for
your greatest potential you know and
that’s how people should feel the
objectives should be derived to their
best potential in life if it’s to lose
30 pounds if it’s the passive test it
should be to win a fight be to be a mind
by people all over the world it should
allow you to rise to your greatest
potential that you look at yourself in
the most grandest fashion
[Music]
I’ve never um I’ve never um I was never
able to understand the concept of
greatness I’ve just never was able to
understand that concept of greatness and
as time went on and I’ve gotten older
and I from I met many journeys on people
that I met on my journey and people who
are read about on my journey I read that
um all greatness
the majority of greatness in itself
doesn’t come with goodness the two don’t
coexist with one another and I spent all
my life trying to become great because I
had such a low self-esteem and and I
realized I’m late in life my family said
but late in my life that um all great
men are not good man and then so I tried
to embark on a whole different career
and try to become good but what’s the
concept of good being a floor mat I
never understood the concept of good
[Music]
so how do we live in those two
dimensions at once you want that
greatness for self-gratification but you
want goodness from a human perspective
and I and I really have no idea no clue
how to I am how do I juggle both of them
and be in harmony and then in all
actuality they don’t exist you have to
the lion in the Fox you know me I call
so I could beat the vicious guys and I
got was smarter slicksters so I was um
I’m pretty much director when after that
apartment pretty much but them what
really was the turning point is that
there was nobody that could reach the
core like us could no one could um
I don’t know I don’t think if that
amazing i’m i think that’s say I don’t
think this profound is what many people
may think is for sorry you think is I’m
my feelings of what I felt at the
particular moment you know I always have
a I always had a very complex life and I
always have a I never had a good
psychological opinion about myself and
that’s because of my upbringing and my
my view on my life and my view of them
yes my whole barometer as a person and
so I um I never grasped that um that
love of that I that particular identity
of myself
I gave my whole fighter now it’s time to
give it up it’s time to stop and let go
and let God I did all I can do humanly
and that was time for me to let God lead
the way I say well I’m responsible now I
have to be pregnant for my family and my
children but when I don’t know what I
want to do there’s no right now I want
to live and experience life and and I
don’t know what my says in store for me
but I’m not afraid to find out I’m not
trying to even the score I’m moving on
to other places which are probably
talking places I’ve never been before
but I’m not afraid to go there
I’m not afraid I’m I’m not afraid to
lose in life I’m not afraid to do
anything I won’t do anything matter fact
I won’t do anything matter fact like my
show there’s nothing I would do unless I
have a possibility of being humiliated
if I can’t be humiliated on if I fail I
don’t want to do it because only by
doing that I would rise to my highest
potential without what the fact that I
might be humiliated and I don’t want
that to happen but when it does happen
then I will truly be humiliated because
when I succeed I truly succeed and
I’ve always felt comfort from my
opinions no matter where I live I always
have them and I’ve collected special
breeds of pigeon
they’re called roller pigeons Sir
Anthony Hawkins played Hannibal Lecter
in that great movie he talked about them
do you know that a roller pigeon is you
know what a roller pigeon is Bonnie
they claim they climb high and fast and
they roll over and fall just as just as
fast towards the earth there are stairs
there’s shadow rollers and there are
deep rollers you can breathe too deep
rollers or the young ruler will roll all
the way down and hit and die it is no
surprise that I have an affinity for
rollers it is really something it is
really something that watch some fly
high-end then all them and then all the
other birds they fly higher than all
other baby birds way up on the top of
the sky and look way in the clouds and
they just rolled and rolled and rolled
down and if they’re lucky they pull out
the time before they crash and headfirst
into the ground
rollers who are the offsprings of two
pairs of deep rollers can do that I was
bred to climb high and high into the sky
and tumble down I am truly grateful that I found my wings before I hit the ground
the Virginia area and I’m what I found
out later and I’m I only can remember
for a small period of some small real
small increment of my life that I lived
in bedford-stuyvesant in the early
middle 70s eventually we had to move we
were evicted we had to leave the house
all of our friends who have really
politely decorated the concrete outside
so we have to me my brother I guess we
had to sit on the furniture the way to
my mother and get a place so we decide
to stay and it was just after that was
pretty much hard times welfare when we
moved to brown which was a much more
aggressive neighborhood and it just
wasn’t good it was just some
crime-infested drugging fest in the
neighborhood and it was very aggressive
and my mother had know a lot of men her
and her friends know a lot of men that
wouldn’t be um it wouldn’t be a normal
for me come from one of my friend’s
house I come outside a man and a woman
that’s in my mom one of my mother’s room
by my mother’s in the room when a man
and a woman and we can’t go in the room
but we have to stay outside in the
kitchen perhaps or the living room when
we can’t go in the back of the room
until I finish
[Music]
and that’s just how our life been and as
time went on I’ve learned tongue to what
people were in the back that I would um
and they fell asleep I will go in their
pockets and take their money and that’s
just how it been that’s just what it was
all about I learned how to steal at a
younger young young age my mother
friends were in our house they were
drinking I learned to go in their house
and the fights even robbed the house
where they were downstairs drinking with
my mother and that’s just um that’s
I had gum I was born with great
perception it became from my street life
from being locked up for stealing and
facing unbelievable are the young kid
had great perception and once I watched
this guy fight I just knew it was a
matter of time but I know that my time
was so calm
I know I would have to attain my goal
before it existed I knew that I knew it
would be champ of the world before I
died I knew I wasn’t gonna die before I
became champ you know dying is just as
glorious as living when you really think
about it because you couldn’t have a
life if you didn’t have death and you
couldn’t have death with our life so how
can death be less glorious in life they
both went to intertwine with one another
yeah they used to bully me in school and
so I never went back to school so well
my mother used to send me to school I
was yes people hanging around the school
walking around the school and if you
know normally we have security guard the
truant officer they see me I will take
off and run I’ll hide in the building
I’m bad in the building but I’m normally
um my mother knew I wasn’t going to
school then I met some guys one day and
they did the food too ripping me off and
they really they I have no money and
then but no lunch time I used to going
schooling eat lunch and then leave
school again so supposing what happened
meatballs and spaghetti so um one time
these guys um they wanted to rip me off
and I have no money city actually do you
want to fly birds with me so I said what
do you mean did you want to fly with us
and then I realized that they um they
took me this abandoned building but they
wanted me to get my milk the milk
climbed the fence and throw milk crates
over to them and I didn’t understand why
they wanted to milk crates but I did it
anyway because kind of scared but and
then they had two different brand new
building I didn’t know what they were
gonna do to me in that building you know
so when I want to be I saw on the roof
they had pigeons and then after that I
never went to the UM I never went to
school again once I found that had a
pinnacle and I could beat these guys
flunky then go to the store for them and
if the birds will Harbor they’re in
horrible condition so the birds would
fly for a little while and on another
roof and then make me get up and going
that roof shouldn’t get the bird off the
roof so I would go to all these rules
that the lady birds flew on and scare
the birds off hoping that they would go
back to the roof where the guys were and
I thought that was pretty cool cuz I so
wanted because at least somebody wanted
me to do something for so the next day
instead of go back around walking around
school I went to the pigeon coop and the
guy saw me and he said excuse me young
man
they said what the fuck are you doing
and they started throwing bricks at me
and why they were on the roof and I said
hey hey I just came around to see yo
guys need me to do anything for y’all
the day like help with the birds I go to
the store flea that’s all but they had
thought that I was coming back around
still that bird
I had no concept of stealing birds back
then I just wanted some place to hang
out instead of walking around the
streets all day and some weird guy be
asking me to get in the car and suck the
dick I let them suck my dick a song when
I was outside waiting for school to come
out of waiting for the lunch to appear
so I will be on the roof with these guys
who I didn’t know who might have killed
me also right so um this year
cool and then they throw down some
occultist and get some cigarettes and
get a knee-high soldier that’s it don’t
bricks at me you know it’s our ghost if
and so the guys go like this school is
over and stuff but they tell me um we’re
going to the center tonight we’re gonna
go to them the after-school center this
is where um I don’t know the poverties
choking people people living the prizes
they have a center there your Center and
they go there they’re playing music they
got a jam in the center so we’re gonna
go to the center and so um oh man I’m
saying so I said okay I want to go to
can I go and I said okay so yeah sure
you can come but I’m I’m a young kid had
no concept of you had to wash so I still
have the bird shit of all the stuff
guitar stuff from being an appendage to
helping them build oh cool so you know
we have tar paper so we had to put tar
to put the tar people in the cool
when we go back I never went home and
washed I just had the same clothes I had
all of you and when I went there the
kids that was on the roof that brought
materials they all had new clothes on
and they all laughed at me and everybody
felt laughing me and I was skidding and
bounce I started laughing too and one of
the guys that was on the roof he had
said um what the fuck you dirty little
motherfucker with you come around here
look like they didn’t ever wash and he
said you gotta meet me at the roof meet
me tomorrow a motherfucker meeting at
the roof with a burglar you met me today
even though that guy wasn’t his pigeon
but he was there he was looking for one
of those other guy his brother he was
older he said meet me at the roof hear
me sure they meet me at the fucking
picnic where you were today and I’m when
I’m assuming I’m like else Marco so um I
wanted him early in the morning just
like we’re going to school so I met him
at the pigeon coop and and from then on
me and started robbing houses
[Music]
because I was younger than him so he
would tell me they’re not gonna ring the
doorbell knock on the door and if
someone comes over say you’re looking
for this guy he’d give me a Jewish name
was Sonny I’ll give me something he is
little what to say the right stuff in
what neighborhood and I didn’t know I
didn’t then they found a little buddy he
would pick the locks
he went to can’t pick the locks we were
going everywhere I’m gonna find money
guns Jimmy it was just why I was just
such a rush being into my house and you
see them and then looked Rita and it’s
yours and he didn’t give me much money
but he bought me a lot of nice-looking
clothes he said you go back to the
center looking like this don’t forget
you hear me motherfucking over looking
like this and then I went to that Center
than those it was a whole different out
it was totally different and they used
to call me dirty Mike dirty Ike and it
wasn’t because I had bad cold always has
the best clothes but I always had was on
the pigeon coop and always got him dirty
and tall and I would never change my
clothes and wear I would never do that I
will never change my clothes to put on
some raggedy clothes and be seen and
raggedy clothes because I’ve been
traumatized from that experience when I
went to the the day care center after
school center so I’ve always just wear
my nice clothes on the pinnacle and they
will always get dirty and I would just
go home and change the changing some new
nice clothes you know till this day I’m
the same way always make sure they have
nice clothes on no matter wherever I go
I’m playing with pigeons if I’m playing
soccer if I’m picking up the garbage and
it’s just some I’m gonna just totally
been a scar I mean since them guys just
make up even though the street kid and I
would come weather like a tough kid I
never had the ego I was never really
jealous of anybody I never really
thought most of myself much of myself
but when I met cousin I started talking
because I’m he made me believe that I
was a guard they made me believe that
I’m friends console faded now to cut cut
to say now you see you hear this cuz cuz
that’s really fun we had this really um
make limini
let me tell you saying all the prophets
all the cards you ever know about if
they had a Sunday cousin meet my father
know why cause he’s my fighter
I remember I was a young kid I was
getting put on the front cover of maybe
ring magazine at the time Big Time
magazine it was could have been Sports
Illustrated but one of these magazines I
got put on the magazine and it was a
bunch of cameras around there and I was
feeling myself I was while smiling
laughs with the guys like I was a big
shot and then right after that cuff said
I’m grabbed a broom my marbles we clean
the gym and I whoa and that’s just what
I had to do you know I used to do my
place with him and it’s not my place
you know they think I would say with
other people I would never stay with him
he would only have to call me one time
and I would be there it was never like
hey be there in a minute I wanted to
make us proud that was my whole
existence was fine I want to make him
proud I never know what I would like to
have a fighter I’m a little skinnier
father so now I understand what some
kids must feel when they can’t make
their father’s happy because he would do
anything for me I was just um um I don’t
think that way now I was just I was just
disappointed that I didn’t kills them
back then look that was just my main
objective because I wanted to succeed so
bad and I was failed and um the fear of
not succeeding was worse than dying so I
just wanted to make sure they never got
up he believes I’m fighting with um your
opponent surrender his total destruction
and he then think of it as um even
though he said it was savage and
ferociously you had to do it in such a
relaxed and calm state you know without
any emotions that’s what he was all
about you know I mean
a really scientific way of destroying to
him he armed him Wow
he enjoyed hurting the opponent he want
them to never have a chance to believe
you know it wasn’t about anything our
whole life wasn’t about making money
wasn’t about being rich it was about um
and then waiting the planet could beat
us that was everything my whole life
he’s the best fighter in the world best
fight in the world there’s nobody on the
planet that could beat me I could be
anybody on the planet and a fair fight
and that’s what I always believed you
know I know they would dream think about
that now but just to be in that state of
mind I could be anybody that hung out
one day I said this and I’m I’m so hard
I’m sorry I’m so happy that I don’t
think that way anymore I was having an
interview and I and I start thinking
about cooks because it’s pretty you know
arrogant and cussed said and I said
wanna customer that’s it I was being
interviewed and I said how many people
in the pool how many people in this plan
that’s the web around five billion
people six billion I said I could be
that’s what I believed at the time
but this guy always come he said I’m on
my mind to get the better of me your
mind you don’t have your mind on your
work you’re not being disciplined he
really really knew that he always
believed that his mind could heal
anything he believed if he had cancer is
mine Cahill can’t see was a strong
believer that your body only purpose was
to carry your brain you know he was just
I respect the person who’s willing to
die for what he truly wants even if it’s
love even this is a woman whatever is it
that he truly believes in and that I
believe that he he it transcends them to
that um then level to UM demand them so
lovely existed for instance um I look at
lovers of a command to just rise for
your greatest potential you know and
that’s how people should feel the
objectives should be derived to their
best potential in life if it’s to lose
30 pounds if it’s the passive test it
should be to win a fight be to be a mind
by people all over the world it should
allow you to rise to your greatest
potential that you look at yourself in
the most grandest fashion
[Music]
I’ve never um I’ve never um I was never
able to understand the concept of
greatness I’ve just never was able to
understand that concept of greatness and
as time went on and I’ve gotten older
and I from I met many journeys on people
that I met on my journey and people who
are read about on my journey I read that
um all greatness
the majority of greatness in itself
doesn’t come with goodness the two don’t
coexist with one another and I spent all
my life trying to become great because I
had such a low self-esteem and and I
realized I’m late in life my family said
but late in my life that um all great
men are not good man and then so I tried
to embark on a whole different career
and try to become good but what’s the
concept of good being a floor mat I
never understood the concept of good
[Music]
so how do we live in those two
dimensions at once you want that
greatness for self-gratification but you
want goodness from a human perspective
and I and I really have no idea no clue
how to I am how do I juggle both of them
and be in harmony and then in all
actuality they don’t exist you have to
the lion in the Fox you know me I call
so I could beat the vicious guys and I
got was smarter slicksters so I was um
I’m pretty much director when after that
apartment pretty much but them what
really was the turning point is that
there was nobody that could reach the
core like us could no one could um
I don’t know I don’t think if that
amazing i’m i think that’s say I don’t
think this profound is what many people
may think is for sorry you think is I’m
my feelings of what I felt at the
particular moment you know I always have
a I always had a very complex life and I
always have a I never had a good
psychological opinion about myself and
that’s because of my upbringing and my
my view on my life and my view of them
yes my whole barometer as a person and
so I um I never grasped that um that
love of that I that particular identity
of myself
I gave my whole fighter now it’s time to
give it up it’s time to stop and let go
and let God I did all I can do humanly
and that was time for me to let God lead
the way I say well I’m responsible now I
have to be pregnant for my family and my
children but when I don’t know what I
want to do there’s no right now I want
to live and experience life and and I
don’t know what my says in store for me
but I’m not afraid to find out I’m not
trying to even the score I’m moving on
to other places which are probably
talking places I’ve never been before
but I’m not afraid to go there
I’m not afraid I’m I’m not afraid to
lose in life I’m not afraid to do
anything I won’t do anything matter fact
I won’t do anything matter fact like my
show there’s nothing I would do unless I
have a possibility of being humiliated
if I can’t be humiliated on if I fail I
don’t want to do it because only by
doing that I would rise to my highest
potential without what the fact that I
might be humiliated and I don’t want
that to happen but when it does happen
then I will truly be humiliated because
when I succeed I truly succeed and
I’ve always felt comfort from my
opinions no matter where I live I always
have them and I’ve collected special
breeds of pigeon
they’re called roller pigeons Sir
Anthony Hawkins played Hannibal Lecter
in that great movie he talked about them
do you know that a roller pigeon is you
know what a roller pigeon is Bonnie
they claim they climb high and fast and
they roll over and fall just as just as
fast towards the earth there are stairs
there’s shadow rollers and there are
deep rollers you can breathe too deep
rollers or the young ruler will roll all
the way down and hit and die it is no
surprise that I have an affinity for
rollers it is really something it is
really something that watch some fly
high-end then all them and then all the
other birds they fly higher than all
other baby birds way up on the top of
the sky and look way in the clouds and
they just rolled and rolled and rolled
down and if they’re lucky they pull out
the time before they crash and headfirst
into the ground
rollers who are the offsprings of two
pairs of deep rollers can do that I was
bred to climb high and high into the sky
and tumble down I am truly grateful that I found my wings before I hit the ground
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