so I had the chance to meet with some of
the kids in the program today
where are you scream out there you go I
love those kids and so I thought I would
do cuz they gave me a little bit of time
to say whatever I want is offer you a
little bit of some observations for your
future I have five little rules that you
can follow as you find your spark and
bring your spark to life the first is to
go after the things that you want let me
tell you a story so a friend of mine and
I we went for a run in Central Park the
Roadrunners organization on the weekends
they host races and it’s very common at
the end of the race I’ll have a sponsor
who will give away something apples or
bagels or something and on this
particular day when we got to the end of
the run there were some free bagels and
they had picnic tables set up and on one
side was a group of volunteers on the
table were boxes of bagels and on the
other side was a long line of runners
waiting to get their free bagel so I
said to my friend let’s let’s get a
bagel and he looked at me and said that
lines too long and I said free bagel and
he said I don’t want to wait in line and
I was like free bagel and he says not
that’s it’s too long and that’s when I
realized that there’s two ways to see
the world some people see the thing that
they want and some people see the thing
that prevents them from getting the
thing that they want I could only see
the bagels he could only see the line
and so I walked up to the line I leaned
in between two people put my hand in the
box and pulled out two bagels and no one
get mad at me because the rule is you
can go after whatever you want you just
cannot
anyone else to go after whatever they
want
now I had to sacrifice choice I didn’t
get to choose which bagel I got I got
whatever I pulled out but I didn’t have
to wait in line so the point is is you
don’t have to wait in line you don’t
have to do it the way everybody else has
done it you can do it your way you can
break the rules you just can’t get in
the way of somebody else getting what
they want that’s rule number one
rule number two I like this one in the
18th century there was something that
spread across Europe and eventually made
its way to America where pole fever also
known as the Black Death of childbed
basically what was happening is women
were giving birth and they would die
within 48 hours after giving birth this
Black Death of childbirth was the ravage
of Europe and it got worse and worse and
worse over the course of over a century
in some hospitals it was as high as 70%
of women who gave birth who would die as
a result of giving birth but this was
the Renaissance this was the time of
empirical data and science and we had
thrown away things like tradition and
mysticism these were men of science
these were doctors and these doctors and
men of science wanted to study and try
and find the reason for this black death
of childbed and so they got to work
studying and they would study the
corpses of the of the women who had died
and in the morning they would conduct
autopsies and then in the afternoon they
would go and deliver babies and finish
their rounds and it wasn’t until
somewhere in the mid 1800s that dr.
Oliver Wendell Holmes father of Supreme
Court justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
realized that all of these doctors who
conducting autopsies in the morning
weren’t washing their hands before they
delivered babies in the afternoon and he
pointed it out and said guys you’re the
problem
and they ignored him and called him
crazy for 30 years until finally
somebody realized that if they simply
washed their hands it would go away
and that’s exactly what happened when
they started sterilizing their
instruments and washing their hands the
black death of childbed disappeared my
point is the lesson here is sometimes
you’re the problem we’ve seen this
happen all too recently with our new men
of science and empirical studies and
these men of finance who are smarter
than the rest of us until the thing
collapsed and they blamed everything
else except themselves and my point is
is take accountability for your actions
you can take all the credit in the world
for the things that you do right as long
as you also take responsibility for the
things you do wrong it must be a
balanced equation you don’t get it one
way and not the other you get to take
credit when you also take accountability
that’s lesson 2 lesson 3 take care of
each other the United States Navy SEALs
are perhaps the most elite warriors in
the world and one of the seals was asked
who makes it through the selection
process who is able to become a seal and
his answer was I can’t tell you the kind
of person that becomes a seal I can’t
tell you the kind of person that makes
it through buds but I can tell you the
kind of people who don’t become seals
he says the guys that show up with huge
bulging muscles covered in tattoos who
want to prove to the world how tough
they are none of them make it through
he said the preening leaders who like to
delegate all their responsibilities and
never do anything themselves none of
them make it through
he said the star college athletes who’ve
never really been tested to the core of
their being
none of them make it through he says
some of the guys that make it through
her skinny and scrawny he said some of
the guys that make it through you will
see them shivering out of fear he says
however all the guys that make it
through when they find themselves
physically spent emotionally spent when
they have nothing left to give
physically or emotionally somehow
someway they are able to find the energy
to dig down deep inside themselves to
find the energy to help the guy next to
them they become seals he said you want
to be an elite warrior it’s not about
how tough you are it’s not about how
smart you are it’s not about how fast
you are if you want to be an elite
warrior you better get really really
good at helping the person to the left
of you and helping the person to the
right of you because that’s how people
advance in the world the world is too
dangerous in the world is too difficult
for you to think that you can do these
things alone if you find your spark I
commend you now who you gonna ask for
help and when are you gonna accept help
when it’s offered learn that skill learn
by practicing helping each other it’ll
be the single most valuable thing you
ever learn in your entire life to accept
help when it’s offered and to ask for it
when you know that you can’t do it the
amazing thing is when you learn to ask
for help you’ll discover that there are
people all around you who’ve always
wanted to help you
they just didn’t think you needed it
because you kept pretending that you had
everything under control and the minute
you say I don’t know what I’m doing I’m
stuck I’m scared I don’t think I can do
this you will find that lots of people
who love you will rush in and take care
of you
but that’ll only happen if you learn to
lesson four Nelson Mandela is a
particularly special case study in the
leadership world because he is
universally regarded as a great leader
you can take other personalities and
depending on the nation you go to we
have different opinions about other
personalities but Nelson Mandela across
the world is universally regarded as a
great leader he was actually the son of
a tribal chief and he was asked one day
how did you learn to be a great leader
and he responded that he would go with
his father to tribal meetings and he
remembers two things when his father
would meet with other elders one they
would always sit in a circle and to his
father was always the last to speak you
will be told your whole life that you
need to learn to listen I would say that
you need to learn to be the last to
speak I see it in boardrooms every day
of the week even people who consider
themselves good leaders who may actually
be decent leaders will walk into a room
and say here’s the problem here’s what I
think but I’m interested in your opinion
let’s go around the room it’s too late
the skill to hold your opinions to
yourself until everyone has spoken does
two things one it gives everybody else
the feeling that they have been heard it
give me gives everyone else the ability
to feel that they have contributed and
two you get the benefit of hearing what
everybody else has to think before you
render your opinion the skill is really
to keep your opinions to yourself if you
agree with somebody don’t nod yes if you
disagree with somebody don’t nod no
simply sit there take it all in and the
only thing you’re allowed to do is ask
questions so that you can understand
what they mean and why they have the
opinion that they have you must
understand from where they are speaking
why they have the opinion they have not
just what they are saying and at the end
you will get your turn
it sounds easy it’s not practice being
the last to speak
that’s what Nelson Mandela did number
three number five this Monty Python one
two five three four all the other nerds
in the audience there’s one number five
my favorite one of all true story
there was a former Undersecretary of
Defense who was invited to give a speech
at a large conference about a thousand
people and he was standing on the stage
with his cup of coffee in a Styrofoam
cup giving his prepared remarks with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip
of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he
went off-script
and he said you know last year I spoke
at this exact same conference last year
I was still the undersecretary and when
I spoke here last year they flew me here
business class and when I arrived at the
airport there was somebody waiting for
me to take me to my hotel and they took
me to my hotel and they had already
checked me in and they just took me up
to my room and the next morning I came
downstairs and there was someone waiting
in the lobby to greet me and they drove
me to this here same venue they took me
through the back entrance and took me
into the green room and handed me a
coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful
ceramic cup he says I’m no longer the
undersecretary I flew here coach I took
a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself
in when I came down the lobby this
morning I took another taxi to this
venue I came in the front door and found
my way backstage and when I asked
someone do you have any coffee he
pointed to the coffee machine in the
corner and I poured myself a cup of
coffee into this here Styrofoam cup he
says the lesson is the ceramic cup was
never meant for me it was meant for the
position I held I deserve a Styrofoam
cup
remember this as you gain fame as you
gain fortune as you gain position and
seniority people will treat you better
they will hold doors open for you they
will get you a cup of tea and coffee
without you even asking they will call
you sir and ma’am and they will give you
stuff none of that stuff is meant for
you that stuff is meant for the position
you hold it is meant for the level that
you have achieved of leader or success
or whatever you want to call it but you
will always deserve a Styrofoam cup
remember that remember that lesson of
humility and gratitude you can accept
all the free stuff you can accept all
the perks absolutely you can enjoy them
but just be grateful for them and know
that they’re not for you I remember
getting off the Acela I took the Acela
from New York to Washington DC and I got
off the train like everybody else and I
was walking down the platform like
everyone else and I walked past general
norty Schwartz who used to be the chief
of staff of the United States Air Force
the head of the Air Force and here I did
you see a guy in a suit slepping his own
suitcase down the platform just like me
and just a couple months ago he was
flying on private jets and he had an
entourage and other people carried his
light luggage but he no longer held the
position and so now he got to drag his
own suitcase and never did it sort of
remind me more that none of us deserve
the perks that we get we all deserve a
Styrofoam cup it was a pleasure meeting
you guys this afternoon I was blown away
by your honesty and your curiosity and
your poise and I am confident that the
future is bright despite the fact that
America looks like an absolute mess
right now I am confident that the future
is bright for one reason and one reason
only because you will grow up and you
will be our future thank you very very
much guys
you’re wonderful [Applause]
the kids in the program today
where are you scream out there you go I
love those kids and so I thought I would
do cuz they gave me a little bit of time
to say whatever I want is offer you a
little bit of some observations for your
future I have five little rules that you
can follow as you find your spark and
bring your spark to life the first is to
go after the things that you want let me
tell you a story so a friend of mine and
I we went for a run in Central Park the
Roadrunners organization on the weekends
they host races and it’s very common at
the end of the race I’ll have a sponsor
who will give away something apples or
bagels or something and on this
particular day when we got to the end of
the run there were some free bagels and
they had picnic tables set up and on one
side was a group of volunteers on the
table were boxes of bagels and on the
other side was a long line of runners
waiting to get their free bagel so I
said to my friend let’s let’s get a
bagel and he looked at me and said that
lines too long and I said free bagel and
he said I don’t want to wait in line and
I was like free bagel and he says not
that’s it’s too long and that’s when I
realized that there’s two ways to see
the world some people see the thing that
they want and some people see the thing
that prevents them from getting the
thing that they want I could only see
the bagels he could only see the line
and so I walked up to the line I leaned
in between two people put my hand in the
box and pulled out two bagels and no one
get mad at me because the rule is you
can go after whatever you want you just
cannot
anyone else to go after whatever they
want
now I had to sacrifice choice I didn’t
get to choose which bagel I got I got
whatever I pulled out but I didn’t have
to wait in line so the point is is you
don’t have to wait in line you don’t
have to do it the way everybody else has
done it you can do it your way you can
break the rules you just can’t get in
the way of somebody else getting what
they want that’s rule number one
rule number two I like this one in the
18th century there was something that
spread across Europe and eventually made
its way to America where pole fever also
known as the Black Death of childbed
basically what was happening is women
were giving birth and they would die
within 48 hours after giving birth this
Black Death of childbirth was the ravage
of Europe and it got worse and worse and
worse over the course of over a century
in some hospitals it was as high as 70%
of women who gave birth who would die as
a result of giving birth but this was
the Renaissance this was the time of
empirical data and science and we had
thrown away things like tradition and
mysticism these were men of science
these were doctors and these doctors and
men of science wanted to study and try
and find the reason for this black death
of childbed and so they got to work
studying and they would study the
corpses of the of the women who had died
and in the morning they would conduct
autopsies and then in the afternoon they
would go and deliver babies and finish
their rounds and it wasn’t until
somewhere in the mid 1800s that dr.
Oliver Wendell Holmes father of Supreme
Court justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
realized that all of these doctors who
conducting autopsies in the morning
weren’t washing their hands before they
delivered babies in the afternoon and he
pointed it out and said guys you’re the
problem
and they ignored him and called him
crazy for 30 years until finally
somebody realized that if they simply
washed their hands it would go away
and that’s exactly what happened when
they started sterilizing their
instruments and washing their hands the
black death of childbed disappeared my
point is the lesson here is sometimes
you’re the problem we’ve seen this
happen all too recently with our new men
of science and empirical studies and
these men of finance who are smarter
than the rest of us until the thing
collapsed and they blamed everything
else except themselves and my point is
is take accountability for your actions
you can take all the credit in the world
for the things that you do right as long
as you also take responsibility for the
things you do wrong it must be a
balanced equation you don’t get it one
way and not the other you get to take
credit when you also take accountability
that’s lesson 2 lesson 3 take care of
each other the United States Navy SEALs
are perhaps the most elite warriors in
the world and one of the seals was asked
who makes it through the selection
process who is able to become a seal and
his answer was I can’t tell you the kind
of person that becomes a seal I can’t
tell you the kind of person that makes
it through buds but I can tell you the
kind of people who don’t become seals
he says the guys that show up with huge
bulging muscles covered in tattoos who
want to prove to the world how tough
they are none of them make it through
he said the preening leaders who like to
delegate all their responsibilities and
never do anything themselves none of
them make it through
he said the star college athletes who’ve
never really been tested to the core of
their being
none of them make it through he says
some of the guys that make it through
her skinny and scrawny he said some of
the guys that make it through you will
see them shivering out of fear he says
however all the guys that make it
through when they find themselves
physically spent emotionally spent when
they have nothing left to give
physically or emotionally somehow
someway they are able to find the energy
to dig down deep inside themselves to
find the energy to help the guy next to
them they become seals he said you want
to be an elite warrior it’s not about
how tough you are it’s not about how
smart you are it’s not about how fast
you are if you want to be an elite
warrior you better get really really
good at helping the person to the left
of you and helping the person to the
right of you because that’s how people
advance in the world the world is too
dangerous in the world is too difficult
for you to think that you can do these
things alone if you find your spark I
commend you now who you gonna ask for
help and when are you gonna accept help
when it’s offered learn that skill learn
by practicing helping each other it’ll
be the single most valuable thing you
ever learn in your entire life to accept
help when it’s offered and to ask for it
when you know that you can’t do it the
amazing thing is when you learn to ask
for help you’ll discover that there are
people all around you who’ve always
wanted to help you
they just didn’t think you needed it
because you kept pretending that you had
everything under control and the minute
you say I don’t know what I’m doing I’m
stuck I’m scared I don’t think I can do
this you will find that lots of people
who love you will rush in and take care
of you
but that’ll only happen if you learn to
lesson four Nelson Mandela is a
particularly special case study in the
leadership world because he is
universally regarded as a great leader
you can take other personalities and
depending on the nation you go to we
have different opinions about other
personalities but Nelson Mandela across
the world is universally regarded as a
great leader he was actually the son of
a tribal chief and he was asked one day
how did you learn to be a great leader
and he responded that he would go with
his father to tribal meetings and he
remembers two things when his father
would meet with other elders one they
would always sit in a circle and to his
father was always the last to speak you
will be told your whole life that you
need to learn to listen I would say that
you need to learn to be the last to
speak I see it in boardrooms every day
of the week even people who consider
themselves good leaders who may actually
be decent leaders will walk into a room
and say here’s the problem here’s what I
think but I’m interested in your opinion
let’s go around the room it’s too late
the skill to hold your opinions to
yourself until everyone has spoken does
two things one it gives everybody else
the feeling that they have been heard it
give me gives everyone else the ability
to feel that they have contributed and
two you get the benefit of hearing what
everybody else has to think before you
render your opinion the skill is really
to keep your opinions to yourself if you
agree with somebody don’t nod yes if you
disagree with somebody don’t nod no
simply sit there take it all in and the
only thing you’re allowed to do is ask
questions so that you can understand
what they mean and why they have the
opinion that they have you must
understand from where they are speaking
why they have the opinion they have not
just what they are saying and at the end
you will get your turn
it sounds easy it’s not practice being
the last to speak
that’s what Nelson Mandela did number
three number five this Monty Python one
two five three four all the other nerds
in the audience there’s one number five
my favorite one of all true story
there was a former Undersecretary of
Defense who was invited to give a speech
at a large conference about a thousand
people and he was standing on the stage
with his cup of coffee in a Styrofoam
cup giving his prepared remarks with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip
of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he
went off-script
and he said you know last year I spoke
at this exact same conference last year
I was still the undersecretary and when
I spoke here last year they flew me here
business class and when I arrived at the
airport there was somebody waiting for
me to take me to my hotel and they took
me to my hotel and they had already
checked me in and they just took me up
to my room and the next morning I came
downstairs and there was someone waiting
in the lobby to greet me and they drove
me to this here same venue they took me
through the back entrance and took me
into the green room and handed me a
coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful
ceramic cup he says I’m no longer the
undersecretary I flew here coach I took
a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself
in when I came down the lobby this
morning I took another taxi to this
venue I came in the front door and found
my way backstage and when I asked
someone do you have any coffee he
pointed to the coffee machine in the
corner and I poured myself a cup of
coffee into this here Styrofoam cup he
says the lesson is the ceramic cup was
never meant for me it was meant for the
position I held I deserve a Styrofoam
cup
remember this as you gain fame as you
gain fortune as you gain position and
seniority people will treat you better
they will hold doors open for you they
will get you a cup of tea and coffee
without you even asking they will call
you sir and ma’am and they will give you
stuff none of that stuff is meant for
you that stuff is meant for the position
you hold it is meant for the level that
you have achieved of leader or success
or whatever you want to call it but you
will always deserve a Styrofoam cup
remember that remember that lesson of
humility and gratitude you can accept
all the free stuff you can accept all
the perks absolutely you can enjoy them
but just be grateful for them and know
that they’re not for you I remember
getting off the Acela I took the Acela
from New York to Washington DC and I got
off the train like everybody else and I
was walking down the platform like
everyone else and I walked past general
norty Schwartz who used to be the chief
of staff of the United States Air Force
the head of the Air Force and here I did
you see a guy in a suit slepping his own
suitcase down the platform just like me
and just a couple months ago he was
flying on private jets and he had an
entourage and other people carried his
light luggage but he no longer held the
position and so now he got to drag his
own suitcase and never did it sort of
remind me more that none of us deserve
the perks that we get we all deserve a
Styrofoam cup it was a pleasure meeting
you guys this afternoon I was blown away
by your honesty and your curiosity and
your poise and I am confident that the
future is bright despite the fact that
America looks like an absolute mess
right now I am confident that the future
is bright for one reason and one reason
only because you will grow up and you
will be our future thank you very very
much guys
you’re wonderful [Applause]
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