this is ultimately if you’re gonna have
lasting change in anything you’re really
talking about just raising your
standards I mean I always tell people if
you want to know how to change your life
and give it to you in three words boring
as it sounds raise your standards and
what does that mean cortney’s the sounds
raise your standards I’ll thank you for
the breakthrough thought Tony I’m glad
I’ve wasted my time watching this little
email with you but think about it
lasting change is different than a goal
you don’t always get your goals but you
always get your standards maybe it’ll
help you is to think about it this way I
try to explain stannis people with a
different set of words think of it as
everybody in life gets their must they
don’t get their right think about
it
you must be above a list of shits don’t
they don’t have a list of the shoulds
things you should do you should follow
through on I I should lose some weight I
should work out more I should make more
calls I should respond more rapidly to
my email whatever you know I should get
into the office earlier I should be you
know more confident whatever your should
list is people love to have their should
list make me met but it’s kind of like
New Year’s resolutions if it does it’s
really exciting but if it doesn’t which
is most the time it’s a little
disappointing but you kind of know it’s
not gonna happen but when you decide
something as a must for you an absolute
must when you come up any possible you
say I’m gonna find the way I’m gonna
make the way human beings when they
resolve things and they have make a real
resolution inside themselves which is
they raise the standard they make it a
must they find the way
[Music]
think about in your own life happens you
had some area of your life where you
raise your standard your life has never
been the same maybe at one time your
life you use smoke cigarettes or you did
something and you did it for years and
you kept trying to change it trying to
change it and kept telling yourself I
should and then one day something
happened something just clicked you over
something took you over that kind of
tipping point and inside yourself you
said no more there was a very very
different experience wasn’t it something
inside has shifted and what was a should
became a must and you’ve never gone back
is there an area like that in your life
you can think of again I ever smoked
cigarettes did you ever eat a certain
way drink a certain form of alcohol and
then finally saying no mourn you just
don’t go back and notice this it doesn’t
really take any willpower anymore
because somewhere when we make this
click when we make something a must we
attach ourselves to it it becomes part
of our identity the one thing I’ve
learned in the last gosh 33 years of
working on people from now over 100
countries four million people is human
beings absolutely follow through on who
they believe they are and you said said
to me well I’m really gonna work hard to
stop smoking but you know I’ve been a
smoker my whole life and I’m you know I
am a smoker I know your days are
numbered you’re gonna be back smoking
cigarettes again because we all act
consistent with who we believe we are
I tell people the strongest force in the
whole human personality is this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves
if you define yourself as somebody who
is really conservative you’re not gonna
be crazy and act nuts unless you’re
really drunk or something and then you
can say it’s the alcohol when it really
does you finally getting permission to
be yourself the alcohol is your excuse
if you’re a really crazy person you act
crazy outrageous playful you don’t have
conservative because
not who you are fern often people say
well I can’t do that I’m not that kind
of person and I always say the people
really
I mean really how many years ago did you
come up with what you couldn’t couldn’t
do in your life how many years ago most
people if they were looking at their
living their life today it’s based on a
set of standards a set of beliefs that
they make choices about 10 20 30 or more
years ago I mean you’re often we made
decisions in our youth or very young
about what to believe about what we were
capable of about who we are as a person
and that becomes the glass ceiling and
do well that controls us there’s a
QWERTY metaphor but it’s true I’ve
number one time I was to put my family
at the circus and there’s a person there
they have this big giant elephant and
you look at this elephant and they take
this little rope put it around there
opens neck and they drop the stake into
the ground and I mean you look at this
you know that elephant could rip down
the entire tent with almost no effort
and yet the elephant doesn’t struggle
doesn’t try why cuz the elephants
conditioned and they take that elephant
conditioned the elephant when it’s a
baby elephant that’s how they train them
but it’s a little baby elephant it
doesn’t have the power yet they put a
big rope around it and they drive this
huge stake in the ground and yell open
fights and fights and fights and one day
finding that often decides I’m not
capable pulling this out and once that
becomes the definition of an identity of
anyone and elephants in this case they
don’t even try anymore it’s just who I
am that’s how it is that’s just the way
it is in my life I’d like to ask you to
take a look at any place you’ve got a
limitation ask yourself when did I
decide to accept that limitation and you
may not even see it as a limitation you
might see there just that’s who I am but
so often our lives we’ve adapted to be a
certain way so that we don’t fail or so
that people will like us or respect us
but it’s not necessarily who we are joy
comes when you’re spontaneous it’s
really hard to be truly happy when
you’re not being yourself and most
have no clue we are suddenly there’s
energy available for you to set a higher
standard for what you want in your life
that’s what this is really all about and
when I talk about standards when I talk
about you know shoulds versus muss think
about your own life
I know there have been areas in your
life where some point in time you just
shifted and you raised the standard in
your life change because whatever people
have their identity attached to they
live we live who we believe we are
that’s just how it works it’s just kind
of like I give an example look at your
physical body your physical body today
is an absolute reflection of only one
thing
not your goals not your desires but your
standards the identity you have for
yourself
if your standard is you’re an athlete
then there’s a certain amount of
strength a muscle tone and energy that’s
available in your body on a regular
basis because that’s who you are and so
you do whatever is necessary to maintain
that identity again the strongest force
and the human personalities this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves cuz if you don’t know who you
are you would not act once you lock in
on that identity your brain finds a way
to keep you there if you say you know
man I’m overweight I’ve always been
overweight I’m big-boned and that’s the
story you’ve got and you’re gonna always
find a way to get back there that’s
you’re settling point that’s your
identity that’s where things walk in if
you see somebody who’s in really great
shape you ask him do you work out you
know the answer yes how often and
they’ll tell you three times four times
five times a week whatever in a seminar
last people who here works out at least
five days a week and I’m stand-up and
you look around that room and you know
that they work out five times a week as
you can see their body you don’t just
get a result without some kind of action
without some form of ritual ritual
meaning actions you do consistently now
do you think you knows people that are
out there working out five days a week
do they have more time than you do
I have for anybody else of course not is
that a wife less busy of course not it’s
just a must for them they must work out
that way and they’ve made that turn
their life change so I’m not saying you
have to work out five days a week
I’m just saying whatever you really want
once don’t get met consistently
standards do whatever you identify this
is Who I am and so it’s not so much
about changing your identity as there’s
expanding it you know deciding that you
know instead of your goals to lose 10
pounds which is not compelling what if
your vision was to get back to my
fighting light you know just this year
this month this next 90 days I’m gonna
transform my body I’m gonna take on a
new challenge I’m gonna find some
technique or strategy there’s a million
of them that can reframe myself where
I’m gonna feel a younger stronger more
vibrant than ever before here’s my
reasons because I want the energy to
really make my life work because it’s
tough out there and I want to be
stronger than I’ve ever been before if
you identify yourself in a new way and
you own that every day and that becomes
the staredown you live you’ll find the
way to make that standard real money’s
the same way
think about it doesn’t matter what’s
happening quote-unquote in the
marketplace people that make money find
a way to make money no matter what don’t
they I mean most people’s standard is to
pay their bills so that’s what most
people find a way to do evil and
economic times get tough most people if
that’s their absolute standard they find
a way some people’s standard is pay
their bills most of the time and so most
of the time they do some people standard
is not just to pay their bills but to
take care of their family and maybe even
some of their friends and they find a
way in fact you know if some people may
be in a family where they don’t have
enough money to barely have money to pay
their bills they work through guts out
and then somebody their mother their
father somebody else their sister gets
ill and there’s not enough money to take
care of it nobody else has money and
family they don’t either but they find a
way to get that money to take care of
their mother or father don’t they and
pay their bills
they never could do it before why the
situation made them raise their own
standard and not everybody does that
somebody else in the family might have
money and still don’t take care of her
mother it all comes down to the inner
game my friends changing your life is a
change in the inner game the outside
world you can’t control but you have
absolute control over this one if you
learn the dynamics of what shapes you
and identity is one of those simple
clear fundamental basics that if you
start to shift it everything else will
shift in your life as well some people
by the way have to have more than enough
money to do what they want when they
want where they want with whomever they
want contribute the way they want if
that’s there must they find a way I know
that sounds overly simplistic but it’s
true if somebody once said you can take
all the money in the world out of the
hands of everybody out of all the
wealthy people in the world who are
really successful give it other people
it wouldn’t take you long those people
have it back in their hands it’s not
because they’re manipular that’s because
they have a standard some are manipular
don’t get me wrong but they got a
standard of what they’re gonna find a
way to make happen I’m just simply
saying to you take those three magic
words and live them raise your standard
[Music]
what is it that’s gonna truly fulfilling
what is it that’s gonna give you that
extraordinary life what’s gonna make
things magnificent on your terms not
somebody else’s terms not your father
your mother your background what is that
really separate the vehicles there’s
many ways to get that vehicle but I’m
saying sometimes you got to reevaluate
what’s gonna really make you fulfill
what is your gift are you an artist
are you the talent to produce something
no one else produces as a skill or a
product or a service or some impact are
you incredibly good at management you
really know how to manage or lead people
are you and extraordinary entrepreneurs
as can take that gigantic gut load of
risk and can create the vision and
attract the talent that you need in the
managers and leaders you may have all
three abilities but which one really
fulfills you the most is going to be the
critical question because we tend to
want to do them all especially room like
this because you’re all overachievers
right me too and you say I can do all
these yes you can but what will it do to
your quality of life
say again the secret is going to be this
what is an extraordinary life on your
doesn’t matter what you get doesn’t
matter whether it be money or
opportunity all those things might
excite you for the moment you know even
a relationship as magnificent it may be
might be exciting for a while but if you
don’t keep growing that relationship
isn’t gonna stay exciting so the secret
to real happiness is progress progress
equals happiness and if we can make
progress on a regular basis we feel
alive and that’s why at the beginning of
the year we get this thing like okay I
could have this fresh start I could
really do what my soul desires I could
expand I could grow I can improve I
could change or maybe better than change
I could progress see think about that
progress isn’t aliveness to it doesn’t
it
you don’t don’t work at changing people
say all the time that allow I’m working
on changing don’t worry about it the
work on changing changes automatic your
body’s gonna change what you want it or
not as the years go by then I’m gonna
hurt you worse there’s gonna be some
changes going on there if the economy is
gonna change no matter what you want it
to do the weather is gonna change
relationships are gonna change
everything in life is always changing we
have to work on change change is
automatic but progress is not so if you
want to make real progress then you
really got to look at your life in a
different way you gotta say I gotta take
control of this process and not just
hope that’s gonna work out like people
do who make a resolution [Music]
lasting change in anything you’re really
talking about just raising your
standards I mean I always tell people if
you want to know how to change your life
and give it to you in three words boring
as it sounds raise your standards and
what does that mean cortney’s the sounds
raise your standards I’ll thank you for
the breakthrough thought Tony I’m glad
I’ve wasted my time watching this little
email with you but think about it
lasting change is different than a goal
you don’t always get your goals but you
always get your standards maybe it’ll
help you is to think about it this way I
try to explain stannis people with a
different set of words think of it as
everybody in life gets their must they
don’t get their right think about
it
you must be above a list of shits don’t
they don’t have a list of the shoulds
things you should do you should follow
through on I I should lose some weight I
should work out more I should make more
calls I should respond more rapidly to
my email whatever you know I should get
into the office earlier I should be you
know more confident whatever your should
list is people love to have their should
list make me met but it’s kind of like
New Year’s resolutions if it does it’s
really exciting but if it doesn’t which
is most the time it’s a little
disappointing but you kind of know it’s
not gonna happen but when you decide
something as a must for you an absolute
must when you come up any possible you
say I’m gonna find the way I’m gonna
make the way human beings when they
resolve things and they have make a real
resolution inside themselves which is
they raise the standard they make it a
must they find the way
[Music]
think about in your own life happens you
had some area of your life where you
raise your standard your life has never
been the same maybe at one time your
life you use smoke cigarettes or you did
something and you did it for years and
you kept trying to change it trying to
change it and kept telling yourself I
should and then one day something
happened something just clicked you over
something took you over that kind of
tipping point and inside yourself you
said no more there was a very very
different experience wasn’t it something
inside has shifted and what was a should
became a must and you’ve never gone back
is there an area like that in your life
you can think of again I ever smoked
cigarettes did you ever eat a certain
way drink a certain form of alcohol and
then finally saying no mourn you just
don’t go back and notice this it doesn’t
really take any willpower anymore
because somewhere when we make this
click when we make something a must we
attach ourselves to it it becomes part
of our identity the one thing I’ve
learned in the last gosh 33 years of
working on people from now over 100
countries four million people is human
beings absolutely follow through on who
they believe they are and you said said
to me well I’m really gonna work hard to
stop smoking but you know I’ve been a
smoker my whole life and I’m you know I
am a smoker I know your days are
numbered you’re gonna be back smoking
cigarettes again because we all act
consistent with who we believe we are
I tell people the strongest force in the
whole human personality is this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves
if you define yourself as somebody who
is really conservative you’re not gonna
be crazy and act nuts unless you’re
really drunk or something and then you
can say it’s the alcohol when it really
does you finally getting permission to
be yourself the alcohol is your excuse
if you’re a really crazy person you act
crazy outrageous playful you don’t have
conservative because
not who you are fern often people say
well I can’t do that I’m not that kind
of person and I always say the people
really
I mean really how many years ago did you
come up with what you couldn’t couldn’t
do in your life how many years ago most
people if they were looking at their
living their life today it’s based on a
set of standards a set of beliefs that
they make choices about 10 20 30 or more
years ago I mean you’re often we made
decisions in our youth or very young
about what to believe about what we were
capable of about who we are as a person
and that becomes the glass ceiling and
do well that controls us there’s a
QWERTY metaphor but it’s true I’ve
number one time I was to put my family
at the circus and there’s a person there
they have this big giant elephant and
you look at this elephant and they take
this little rope put it around there
opens neck and they drop the stake into
the ground and I mean you look at this
you know that elephant could rip down
the entire tent with almost no effort
and yet the elephant doesn’t struggle
doesn’t try why cuz the elephants
conditioned and they take that elephant
conditioned the elephant when it’s a
baby elephant that’s how they train them
but it’s a little baby elephant it
doesn’t have the power yet they put a
big rope around it and they drive this
huge stake in the ground and yell open
fights and fights and fights and one day
finding that often decides I’m not
capable pulling this out and once that
becomes the definition of an identity of
anyone and elephants in this case they
don’t even try anymore it’s just who I
am that’s how it is that’s just the way
it is in my life I’d like to ask you to
take a look at any place you’ve got a
limitation ask yourself when did I
decide to accept that limitation and you
may not even see it as a limitation you
might see there just that’s who I am but
so often our lives we’ve adapted to be a
certain way so that we don’t fail or so
that people will like us or respect us
but it’s not necessarily who we are joy
comes when you’re spontaneous it’s
really hard to be truly happy when
you’re not being yourself and most
have no clue we are suddenly there’s
energy available for you to set a higher
standard for what you want in your life
that’s what this is really all about and
when I talk about standards when I talk
about you know shoulds versus muss think
about your own life
I know there have been areas in your
life where some point in time you just
shifted and you raised the standard in
your life change because whatever people
have their identity attached to they
live we live who we believe we are
that’s just how it works it’s just kind
of like I give an example look at your
physical body your physical body today
is an absolute reflection of only one
thing
not your goals not your desires but your
standards the identity you have for
yourself
if your standard is you’re an athlete
then there’s a certain amount of
strength a muscle tone and energy that’s
available in your body on a regular
basis because that’s who you are and so
you do whatever is necessary to maintain
that identity again the strongest force
and the human personalities this need to
stay consistent with how we define
ourselves cuz if you don’t know who you
are you would not act once you lock in
on that identity your brain finds a way
to keep you there if you say you know
man I’m overweight I’ve always been
overweight I’m big-boned and that’s the
story you’ve got and you’re gonna always
find a way to get back there that’s
you’re settling point that’s your
identity that’s where things walk in if
you see somebody who’s in really great
shape you ask him do you work out you
know the answer yes how often and
they’ll tell you three times four times
five times a week whatever in a seminar
last people who here works out at least
five days a week and I’m stand-up and
you look around that room and you know
that they work out five times a week as
you can see their body you don’t just
get a result without some kind of action
without some form of ritual ritual
meaning actions you do consistently now
do you think you knows people that are
out there working out five days a week
do they have more time than you do
I have for anybody else of course not is
that a wife less busy of course not it’s
just a must for them they must work out
that way and they’ve made that turn
their life change so I’m not saying you
have to work out five days a week
I’m just saying whatever you really want
once don’t get met consistently
standards do whatever you identify this
is Who I am and so it’s not so much
about changing your identity as there’s
expanding it you know deciding that you
know instead of your goals to lose 10
pounds which is not compelling what if
your vision was to get back to my
fighting light you know just this year
this month this next 90 days I’m gonna
transform my body I’m gonna take on a
new challenge I’m gonna find some
technique or strategy there’s a million
of them that can reframe myself where
I’m gonna feel a younger stronger more
vibrant than ever before here’s my
reasons because I want the energy to
really make my life work because it’s
tough out there and I want to be
stronger than I’ve ever been before if
you identify yourself in a new way and
you own that every day and that becomes
the staredown you live you’ll find the
way to make that standard real money’s
the same way
think about it doesn’t matter what’s
happening quote-unquote in the
marketplace people that make money find
a way to make money no matter what don’t
they I mean most people’s standard is to
pay their bills so that’s what most
people find a way to do evil and
economic times get tough most people if
that’s their absolute standard they find
a way some people’s standard is pay
their bills most of the time and so most
of the time they do some people standard
is not just to pay their bills but to
take care of their family and maybe even
some of their friends and they find a
way in fact you know if some people may
be in a family where they don’t have
enough money to barely have money to pay
their bills they work through guts out
and then somebody their mother their
father somebody else their sister gets
ill and there’s not enough money to take
care of it nobody else has money and
family they don’t either but they find a
way to get that money to take care of
their mother or father don’t they and
pay their bills
they never could do it before why the
situation made them raise their own
standard and not everybody does that
somebody else in the family might have
money and still don’t take care of her
mother it all comes down to the inner
game my friends changing your life is a
change in the inner game the outside
world you can’t control but you have
absolute control over this one if you
learn the dynamics of what shapes you
and identity is one of those simple
clear fundamental basics that if you
start to shift it everything else will
shift in your life as well some people
by the way have to have more than enough
money to do what they want when they
want where they want with whomever they
want contribute the way they want if
that’s there must they find a way I know
that sounds overly simplistic but it’s
true if somebody once said you can take
all the money in the world out of the
hands of everybody out of all the
wealthy people in the world who are
really successful give it other people
it wouldn’t take you long those people
have it back in their hands it’s not
because they’re manipular that’s because
they have a standard some are manipular
don’t get me wrong but they got a
standard of what they’re gonna find a
way to make happen I’m just simply
saying to you take those three magic
words and live them raise your standard
[Music]
what is it that’s gonna truly fulfilling
what is it that’s gonna give you that
extraordinary life what’s gonna make
things magnificent on your terms not
somebody else’s terms not your father
your mother your background what is that
really separate the vehicles there’s
many ways to get that vehicle but I’m
saying sometimes you got to reevaluate
what’s gonna really make you fulfill
what is your gift are you an artist
are you the talent to produce something
no one else produces as a skill or a
product or a service or some impact are
you incredibly good at management you
really know how to manage or lead people
are you and extraordinary entrepreneurs
as can take that gigantic gut load of
risk and can create the vision and
attract the talent that you need in the
managers and leaders you may have all
three abilities but which one really
fulfills you the most is going to be the
critical question because we tend to
want to do them all especially room like
this because you’re all overachievers
right me too and you say I can do all
these yes you can but what will it do to
your quality of life
say again the secret is going to be this
what is an extraordinary life on your
doesn’t matter what you get doesn’t
matter whether it be money or
opportunity all those things might
excite you for the moment you know even
a relationship as magnificent it may be
might be exciting for a while but if you
don’t keep growing that relationship
isn’t gonna stay exciting so the secret
to real happiness is progress progress
equals happiness and if we can make
progress on a regular basis we feel
alive and that’s why at the beginning of
the year we get this thing like okay I
could have this fresh start I could
really do what my soul desires I could
expand I could grow I can improve I
could change or maybe better than change
I could progress see think about that
progress isn’t aliveness to it doesn’t
it
you don’t don’t work at changing people
say all the time that allow I’m working
on changing don’t worry about it the
work on changing changes automatic your
body’s gonna change what you want it or
not as the years go by then I’m gonna
hurt you worse there’s gonna be some
changes going on there if the economy is
gonna change no matter what you want it
to do the weather is gonna change
relationships are gonna change
everything in life is always changing we
have to work on change change is
automatic but progress is not so if you
want to make real progress then you
really got to look at your life in a
different way you gotta say I gotta take
control of this process and not just
hope that’s gonna work out like people
do who make a resolution [Music]
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