their bodies men sculpting their torsos
and calves as if they were replicas of
the world’s greatest athletes women
sometimes not even following a pattern
just throwing away pieces of themselves
at whatever cost we live in a world
where Ken and Barbie are the perfect
match
round your men are deemed as lazy and
rounder women just aren’t trying enough
this past year I lost over 10 pounds
because of anxiety I was proud of it in
fact there’s still a part of me that is
proud of it because although I know that
my appearance does not define me I have
not yet learned to completely love the
shell of a body that I’ve been given I
look in the mirror longer than I should
but how can I stop when I’ve always used
it to measure my worth I’m constantly
consumed with thoughts of trying to
impress people most of the time trying
to impress boys who couldn’t care less
about me I’ve never had a boyfriend I
haven’t had my first kiss that I’m not
ashamed to admit that but pardon me
wonders why why my success rate is
non-existent and I start to wonder where
I went wrong and only sometimes do I
stop to remind myself that maybe I’m not
the problem maybe I’ve just been looking
for all the long guys like the one who
called me a ditz because i laughed a
little too much or the one who otherwise
treated me like I was invisible who
talked to me just to get answers to a
test I didn’t give answers by the way or
perhaps my worst heartbreak to date the
guy who led me on for several months
just for me to find out secondhand
through social media that he had a
girlfriend the whole time because my
success rate I’ve learned become a
private investigator when I find someone
new researching is to every clue to
their flaws believe me I do more analyze
and when it comes to boys than I do on
my English papers I could do a 10-page
comparative essay on me and the other
girl quoting text messages
body language tying each argument back
to the thesis statement aka
him citing sources such as the guy who
heard from a girl who thinks she saw
something in the Instagram likes he left
on her page title who he will choose in
in parentheses probably her but in the
end I’d get a failing grade because the
body paragraphs dealing with the other
girl didn’t have enough supporting
evidence it doesn’t matter I continue to
analyze every interaction he makes with
another girl
we overanalyze because we’re searching
for any reason as to why it wouldn’t
work who can blame us when it never has
when we always find ourselves with those
who belittle our happiness and dilute
our worth to a letter on a report card
we as a human race are compelled to
believe that we must walk in pairs of
course I want to find someone I want
someone who will love and accept me
because isn’t that what we’re looking
for acceptance to be seen in someone
we always try to find the perfect person
and just because you think that they are
perfect doesn’t mean that they think you
are that’s where the change comes in
filling the mold of the person they want
you to be you start to lose yourself
until the shadow of the person you used
to be is hanging by a thread at the edge
of a cliff and you reach for that
perfect person your soulmate to lift you
back up but most of the time they just
walk away and then you fall longer and
harder with each failed love you’ll get
back up eventually after days weeks
months maybe even years you climb back
out that mountain and find a new peak
sure that it will be different the next
time but higher Heights only mean harder
Falls we should be searching for the
person who will slow us back together
who will leave it to us and us alone to
create the mold that we will fill
instead of searching for the acceptance
of others we should first be searching
for the acceptance of ourselves and then
only second finding
person who can accept our own acceptance
even then there’s the rest of the world
to worry about getting in with the right
group of friends doing the things they
want you to do just so they like you
stick to the status quo their glares
scream at you as you sing your heart out
to Cyndi Lauper down the crowded streets
of the city girls just want to have fun
but they can’t because of the cool
factor we are so often forced to
suppress our inner desire to express
ourselves because those who enforce the
rigid rules of society are often those
who are too cowardly to break them
themselves all of this judgment and hate
in the world starts with us as
individuals because when we see that no
amount of concealer can ever truly
conceal our god-given flaws we resort to
pointing out the flaws of other people
to make our flaws seem minimal and thus
put ourselves up on a pedestal soon
enough those that we tower over begin to
build a sturdy staircase little by
little step by step until we find that
they are twice as high as we are and the
pedestal built on the insecurities of
others begins to crumble until we’re
left standing on a mound of our own
buried insecurities I want my children
to live in a different world a world
where thin is an a synonym of beautiful
and fat isn’t an antonín a world where
the judgment of others doesn’t lead the
judgment of oneself which too often now
leads to self-harm people in the world
can be so cruel and yet they are
kind of like that infamous question
about the chicken and the egg except
this time what came first a bully with a
bullied if we can start to learn to
accept ourselves as individuals then
Navy will be able to become more
accepting of other people in fact as I
mulled over this idea in my head last
night I was trying to think of ways that
I could prove that even the smallest
acts of self-love can make the hugest
differences and so I was on my nightly
walk around my street
when I was listening to my music and a
really good song came on I just wanted
to dance and instead of listening to the
voice inside my head that was telling me
to wait until I got home because no one
wants to see me dancing I just did it I
was jumping twirling doing the Macarena
I’d probably looked like an idiot but I
didn’t care because I was happy I did
what in that moment I knew would make me
the happiest instead of worrying what
other people were thinking about me what
the people in the cars driving past were
thinking what my neighbors were thinking
in fact there was a part of me that
wished they were a part of me that wish
that some woman just happened to be
looking out of her window and saw me
dancing and maybe she laughed a little
at first then maybe she saw how happy I
was and then maybe the next day she goes
out to the salon and gets the haircut
that she’s been wanting for months but
hasn’t gotten because she’s afraid of
what people will think of it small
things but small things can make a huge
difference so learn to love yourself
maybe if people can learn to dance in
the street then my children will one day
grow up in a different world a world
where they can break free from the
stereotypes and become their own people
a world where they can dance in the
street and it’s just another form of
exercise a world where a friend group
can consist of an athlete and artist and
a brainiac and nobody thinks anything of
it
then maybe different won’t be so
different anymore so love your oddities
be proud of yourself
there’s a difference between being
egotistical and being proud being
egotistical is trying to give others
reasons to love you but being proud
isn’t depending on their approval and
pursue your own form of happiness learn
to dance in the street refrain from
becoming a carbon copy of the norm and
dare to break the mold