[Applause]
you’re selfish relationships are not
designed for selfish individuals don’t
be so selfish anybody else have a little
bit of a flashback to high school I had
a little bit of one you know these words
this word selfish it’s made to elicit
this negative connotation for us this
guilt that comes with that word selfish
and we all know that and we know it even
more especially when there’s a hand on
the hip and a little bit of a finger
waggle we know for sure that something
isn’t right you know I want to I want to
challenge you today I want to reframe
what your view of the word selfish is
today I want to push some of those
boundaries a little bit I want you to
think about these words love joy peace
and happiness these words sound good
they feel good and there’s no negative
connotation with it whatsoever however
if you think about the root of these
words it’s how we feel and there’s
nothing more selfish than how we feel so
why do we get all caught up in the
negative societal stigma around that
word selfish because we’re it’s all
about how we feel I’m gonna just do this
hey I got a timer now – that’s awesome
that 15 seconds so it’s good but we get
caught up in in how we feel when
somebody tells us we’re being selfish
think about that one line relationships
are not designed for selfish individuals
so what does that mean if I’m in a
relationship somebody else has to make
me happy and I have to make somebody
else happy and then if I’m happy in a
some other way that’s not right
really really that doesn’t make any
sense at all and if you think about when
somebody says you’re being selfish all
that means is
you’re doing something that you want to
do but they don’t want you to do it is
crap but we get caught up in that
negative connotation and I want you to
think about the world right now the
American Psychological Association says
that 80% of all people feel stress
moderate or high levels of stress on a
regular basis and the American Institute
of stress so much stress we had to
create an institute really see I have to
incorporate really know all the time but
so much stress that we had to create an
institute they say 80% of all employees
experience stress on the job and nearly
50% of them don’t know how to manage it
so where do you fall are you in that 50
percent of that group where stress has
that hold on you has a grip on you and
you don’t know how to manage it do you
feel just caught up in that stress every
day or are you in that other group that
other group where there’s stress around
you but it’s no big deal you have the
tools to manage it you go to work and
you feel engaged you feel inspired you
feel like you’re making a difference you
know I’m somewhere in between you know
there’s days where I just I feel that
pull of stress and I feel it just grip
on me and then there’s other days where
it’s not a big deal and what I’ve
noticed is the difference between those
two days is what goes on in my head
it’s that negative voice in my head
anybody else have that negative voice in
your head I’m gonna assume you’re all
nodding yes cuz I can’t see you
it’s just gonna make me feel better cuz
mine is going on in my head and it’s
that voice that says you’re not good
enough you’re not smart enough you’re
not doing enough you’re not funny enough
and you know what everybody might have
actually left the audience right now cuz
you’re not enough you know I’ve had that
voice for so long I don’t even remember
where it came from what I know is that
voice is
that voice is what holds us back
think about that voice when it’s
negative for you where is it held you
back
where is you held you back from meeting
somebody that might be interesting to
talk to has it helped you back from even
going to the party has it held you back
from applying for that job that you
really want but you just didn’t do it
because that negative voice kept you
there what I know is that this negative
voice in our head that voice is the
source of our stress and it is the root
of our symptoms and that voice shapes
the way we feel and what we think about
ourselves and this is what I believe we
need to change this is what I believe we
need to get selfish about because it’s
this voice that holds us back from
having the impact in our lives that we
deserve you know when I think about this
voice and how many times it’s held me
back it just it even I can feel that
stress starting to rise starting to come
up and I found a solution to that stress
the solution was completely by accident
you know there were there were years
where I tried to silence this voice
where I tried to pretend it didn’t exist
and that didn’t work and there were
times when I you know being somebody who
wants to wants everybody to like me
which is that voice again you know I
invited that voice in made it tea made
that voice feel comfortable even gave
that voice my side of the bed that
didn’t work either you know when we
acknowledge that voice that’s what makes
the difference you know when I ignored
the voice it got louder and louder and I
still tried to ignore it but it got so
loud that it left out of my head and it
landed on my body and
on my arms my sides my legs and even the
top of my feet that voice
transformed into a rash that covered my
whole entire body for two years and I
tried everything I tried creams I tried
lotions I tried biofeedback I tried
breaky I tried massage I tried access
bars I tried Body Talk I even tried to
soak in an enclosed capsule full of salt
and nothing worked all of those things
gave me temporary relief from my stress
from my rash but nothing gave me
permanent relief they say right now that
stress is a 300 billion dollar annual
cost in the US alone what we are doing
is not working that’s the cost of
treatments it’s the cost of sick time
it’s the cost of employee turnover it’s
the cost of workers comp what we’re
doing is not working we need to find a
different solution like I said I found
that solution by accident it’s only
something that makes sense when I look
backwards you know there was one day
where I took I took my two dogs I have a
little chocolate lab he’s 85 pounds he’s
not really all that little and Anna
blondie and we started going across the
road to go and to go into the field and
we also have a cat at home and my
husband doesn’t like when I talk about
the cat because he thinks I might be a
bit crazy and that voice in my head
might be you know you know on The
Simpsons that crazy cat lady who throws
the cat’s out you know I think he thinks
of our cat like that she’s she’s kind of
part dog so she comes along with us and
we were the four of us walk down this
little deer path down a valley into a
top of a hill and I sat in the middle of
this field on the top of the hill and
the dogs they went running around I’m
pretty sure there was rabbit poop
somewhere that they wanted to get into
and they found that and I just sat there
and I watched the sunset
and I watched the Sun go from this
brilliant yellow to these deep oranges
and finally set in these just beautiful
pastel pinks and it took my breath away
I’d never actually watched a sunset
before I’ve seen lots of sunsets but I
never actually watched it and then I
wanted to go every night and so for two
weeks the four of us made our little
trek into the middle of that field and
we will watch the sunset every night for
two weeks and what I found is that
quality of voice started to change that
voice in my head started to be more
positive I started to be grateful for
things that were in my life
proud of things that I did in my day and
even looking positively towards the
future and once I realized that this
voice in my head started to change and
that my symptoms of rash started to go
away I started to get selfish I started
to claim that time for my own I started
to want to do this everyday because I
started to feel better feel better about
me and feel better about my worthiness
my question for you is what’s your rash
what is that voice holding you back from
doing what are the symptoms that come up
for you do you fight with your spouse do
you yell at your kids in the middle of a
grocery store do you maybe have
debilitating headaches that last for
days maybe sometimes it’s just a
struggle to get out of bed or maybe it’s
showing up for you in a way that you
just know isn’t good isn’t good for your
body for your relationships or isn’t
good for your bank account because we
all have a rash mine just happened to be
an actual rash and once I started
getting selfish and claiming that time
and connecting with that place within
myself that I knew I was worthy and
finding my
joy that’s when it all changed for me
the trajectory of my stress completely
shifted you know right now the American
Psychological Association says that in
teenagers in high school their number
one health concern is the amount of
stress that they’re under and that if
they don’t find healthy ways of dealing
with that stress now there’ll be serious
long-term impacts for them in the future
I can’t think of a better example to set
for the next generation than for us to
be selfish for us to find our joy and
connect with our joy because what we’re
doing right now isn’t working
80% of all employees are experiencing
stress really that doesn’t make any
sense we are not here to experience
stress have you ever tried to connect
with somebody to have a conversation to
be there with somebody when you are
feeling extreme amounts of stress we
can’t do it where is the connection that
we can have with each other when we’re
experiencing that stress it doesn’t
exist I believe we need to get selfish
we need to find that place within
ourselves where we can experience joy
and you might be thinking okay how can
we do that you know my joy is sunsets
yours might be something different yours
might be dancing naked in the middle of
your living room maybe yours is knitting
I think some of you might have a secret
knitting passion that you really want to
get in touch with but you have to find
yours there’s study after study that’s
done on the different on spending time
in nature on the benefits of yoga on the
benefits of meditating of laughter of
exercise and the common thread
throughout each one of these is that
with 20 minutes of inspired action there
is a significant and measurable
reduction of stress we know this this
isn’t new so why are we doing nothing
about it
why are we letting the stress win it is
simple but we are continually listening
to that voice in our heads we’re
listening to that voice that continually
says why I don’t have time somebody else
might be able to do that but that’s not
okay for me you’re not good enough
you’re not smart enough you can’t do
that we need to stop listening to that
voice some people call that voice ego
some people call that voice
the lizard some people call it the
listening to the Ducks
it’s just that voice that just sits
there and we need to get selfish you
know for those of you who are leaders
who are thought leaders change agents or
innovators which is all of you here
watching it is up to you to reframe what
selfish means because until you do
you’re not going to have that impact in
this world that you deserve you’re not
going to have the connections with other
people that you’re meant to have and
you’re not going to have the
relationships that you yearn to have
it’s not until you get selfish and
what’s beautiful about it is we all have
a choice we can choose to be selfish or
we can choose to stay in that stress you
can choose to be one of those 50% of
people who are in that stress or you can
choose to get selfish to find that place
to find your joy to reduce that negative
talk in your head you get to choose my
question for you today is what do you choose I hope you choose joy thank you
you’re selfish relationships are not
designed for selfish individuals don’t
be so selfish anybody else have a little
bit of a flashback to high school I had
a little bit of one you know these words
this word selfish it’s made to elicit
this negative connotation for us this
guilt that comes with that word selfish
and we all know that and we know it even
more especially when there’s a hand on
the hip and a little bit of a finger
waggle we know for sure that something
isn’t right you know I want to I want to
challenge you today I want to reframe
what your view of the word selfish is
today I want to push some of those
boundaries a little bit I want you to
think about these words love joy peace
and happiness these words sound good
they feel good and there’s no negative
connotation with it whatsoever however
if you think about the root of these
words it’s how we feel and there’s
nothing more selfish than how we feel so
why do we get all caught up in the
negative societal stigma around that
word selfish because we’re it’s all
about how we feel I’m gonna just do this
hey I got a timer now – that’s awesome
that 15 seconds so it’s good but we get
caught up in in how we feel when
somebody tells us we’re being selfish
think about that one line relationships
are not designed for selfish individuals
so what does that mean if I’m in a
relationship somebody else has to make
me happy and I have to make somebody
else happy and then if I’m happy in a
some other way that’s not right
really really that doesn’t make any
sense at all and if you think about when
somebody says you’re being selfish all
that means is
you’re doing something that you want to
do but they don’t want you to do it is
crap but we get caught up in that
negative connotation and I want you to
think about the world right now the
American Psychological Association says
that 80% of all people feel stress
moderate or high levels of stress on a
regular basis and the American Institute
of stress so much stress we had to
create an institute really see I have to
incorporate really know all the time but
so much stress that we had to create an
institute they say 80% of all employees
experience stress on the job and nearly
50% of them don’t know how to manage it
so where do you fall are you in that 50
percent of that group where stress has
that hold on you has a grip on you and
you don’t know how to manage it do you
feel just caught up in that stress every
day or are you in that other group that
other group where there’s stress around
you but it’s no big deal you have the
tools to manage it you go to work and
you feel engaged you feel inspired you
feel like you’re making a difference you
know I’m somewhere in between you know
there’s days where I just I feel that
pull of stress and I feel it just grip
on me and then there’s other days where
it’s not a big deal and what I’ve
noticed is the difference between those
two days is what goes on in my head
it’s that negative voice in my head
anybody else have that negative voice in
your head I’m gonna assume you’re all
nodding yes cuz I can’t see you
it’s just gonna make me feel better cuz
mine is going on in my head and it’s
that voice that says you’re not good
enough you’re not smart enough you’re
not doing enough you’re not funny enough
and you know what everybody might have
actually left the audience right now cuz
you’re not enough you know I’ve had that
voice for so long I don’t even remember
where it came from what I know is that
voice is
that voice is what holds us back
think about that voice when it’s
negative for you where is it held you
back
where is you held you back from meeting
somebody that might be interesting to
talk to has it helped you back from even
going to the party has it held you back
from applying for that job that you
really want but you just didn’t do it
because that negative voice kept you
there what I know is that this negative
voice in our head that voice is the
source of our stress and it is the root
of our symptoms and that voice shapes
the way we feel and what we think about
ourselves and this is what I believe we
need to change this is what I believe we
need to get selfish about because it’s
this voice that holds us back from
having the impact in our lives that we
deserve you know when I think about this
voice and how many times it’s held me
back it just it even I can feel that
stress starting to rise starting to come
up and I found a solution to that stress
the solution was completely by accident
you know there were there were years
where I tried to silence this voice
where I tried to pretend it didn’t exist
and that didn’t work and there were
times when I you know being somebody who
wants to wants everybody to like me
which is that voice again you know I
invited that voice in made it tea made
that voice feel comfortable even gave
that voice my side of the bed that
didn’t work either you know when we
acknowledge that voice that’s what makes
the difference you know when I ignored
the voice it got louder and louder and I
still tried to ignore it but it got so
loud that it left out of my head and it
landed on my body and
on my arms my sides my legs and even the
top of my feet that voice
transformed into a rash that covered my
whole entire body for two years and I
tried everything I tried creams I tried
lotions I tried biofeedback I tried
breaky I tried massage I tried access
bars I tried Body Talk I even tried to
soak in an enclosed capsule full of salt
and nothing worked all of those things
gave me temporary relief from my stress
from my rash but nothing gave me
permanent relief they say right now that
stress is a 300 billion dollar annual
cost in the US alone what we are doing
is not working that’s the cost of
treatments it’s the cost of sick time
it’s the cost of employee turnover it’s
the cost of workers comp what we’re
doing is not working we need to find a
different solution like I said I found
that solution by accident it’s only
something that makes sense when I look
backwards you know there was one day
where I took I took my two dogs I have a
little chocolate lab he’s 85 pounds he’s
not really all that little and Anna
blondie and we started going across the
road to go and to go into the field and
we also have a cat at home and my
husband doesn’t like when I talk about
the cat because he thinks I might be a
bit crazy and that voice in my head
might be you know you know on The
Simpsons that crazy cat lady who throws
the cat’s out you know I think he thinks
of our cat like that she’s she’s kind of
part dog so she comes along with us and
we were the four of us walk down this
little deer path down a valley into a
top of a hill and I sat in the middle of
this field on the top of the hill and
the dogs they went running around I’m
pretty sure there was rabbit poop
somewhere that they wanted to get into
and they found that and I just sat there
and I watched the sunset
and I watched the Sun go from this
brilliant yellow to these deep oranges
and finally set in these just beautiful
pastel pinks and it took my breath away
I’d never actually watched a sunset
before I’ve seen lots of sunsets but I
never actually watched it and then I
wanted to go every night and so for two
weeks the four of us made our little
trek into the middle of that field and
we will watch the sunset every night for
two weeks and what I found is that
quality of voice started to change that
voice in my head started to be more
positive I started to be grateful for
things that were in my life
proud of things that I did in my day and
even looking positively towards the
future and once I realized that this
voice in my head started to change and
that my symptoms of rash started to go
away I started to get selfish I started
to claim that time for my own I started
to want to do this everyday because I
started to feel better feel better about
me and feel better about my worthiness
my question for you is what’s your rash
what is that voice holding you back from
doing what are the symptoms that come up
for you do you fight with your spouse do
you yell at your kids in the middle of a
grocery store do you maybe have
debilitating headaches that last for
days maybe sometimes it’s just a
struggle to get out of bed or maybe it’s
showing up for you in a way that you
just know isn’t good isn’t good for your
body for your relationships or isn’t
good for your bank account because we
all have a rash mine just happened to be
an actual rash and once I started
getting selfish and claiming that time
and connecting with that place within
myself that I knew I was worthy and
finding my
joy that’s when it all changed for me
the trajectory of my stress completely
shifted you know right now the American
Psychological Association says that in
teenagers in high school their number
one health concern is the amount of
stress that they’re under and that if
they don’t find healthy ways of dealing
with that stress now there’ll be serious
long-term impacts for them in the future
I can’t think of a better example to set
for the next generation than for us to
be selfish for us to find our joy and
connect with our joy because what we’re
doing right now isn’t working
80% of all employees are experiencing
stress really that doesn’t make any
sense we are not here to experience
stress have you ever tried to connect
with somebody to have a conversation to
be there with somebody when you are
feeling extreme amounts of stress we
can’t do it where is the connection that
we can have with each other when we’re
experiencing that stress it doesn’t
exist I believe we need to get selfish
we need to find that place within
ourselves where we can experience joy
and you might be thinking okay how can
we do that you know my joy is sunsets
yours might be something different yours
might be dancing naked in the middle of
your living room maybe yours is knitting
I think some of you might have a secret
knitting passion that you really want to
get in touch with but you have to find
yours there’s study after study that’s
done on the different on spending time
in nature on the benefits of yoga on the
benefits of meditating of laughter of
exercise and the common thread
throughout each one of these is that
with 20 minutes of inspired action there
is a significant and measurable
reduction of stress we know this this
isn’t new so why are we doing nothing
about it
why are we letting the stress win it is
simple but we are continually listening
to that voice in our heads we’re
listening to that voice that continually
says why I don’t have time somebody else
might be able to do that but that’s not
okay for me you’re not good enough
you’re not smart enough you can’t do
that we need to stop listening to that
voice some people call that voice ego
some people call that voice
the lizard some people call it the
listening to the Ducks
it’s just that voice that just sits
there and we need to get selfish you
know for those of you who are leaders
who are thought leaders change agents or
innovators which is all of you here
watching it is up to you to reframe what
selfish means because until you do
you’re not going to have that impact in
this world that you deserve you’re not
going to have the connections with other
people that you’re meant to have and
you’re not going to have the
relationships that you yearn to have
it’s not until you get selfish and
what’s beautiful about it is we all have
a choice we can choose to be selfish or
we can choose to stay in that stress you
can choose to be one of those 50% of
people who are in that stress or you can
choose to get selfish to find that place
to find your joy to reduce that negative
talk in your head you get to choose my
question for you today is what do you choose I hope you choose joy thank you
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