diagnosis of bipolar disorder when I got
mine in 2013 along with my prescription
for a box of motor stabilizers until I
didn’t know what to do whether to tell
anyone on what was the lie ahead for me
but what I did want to know was what it
meant and what I was going to do about
it for about a month I kept relatively
quiet about my psyche at psychiatrists
recent conclusion however eventually it
appeared to be no secret for anybody
that is unaware of what my bullet sort
of is it was formerly known as manic
depression and it can affect your moods
by swinging from being in a depressive
to an Olivia to stairs his common and
can affects one in every 100 adults many
people like myself I usually diagnosed
when depressed bipolar disorder results
in just over a nine-year reduction in
expected life span and as many as one in
five patients with bipolar disorder
succeeds in taking their own life
although bipolar disorder is equally
common in men and women research
indicates that approximately three times
as many women as men experienced rapid
cyclin bipolar disorder affects nearly 6
million American adults or about 2.6
percent of the u.s. population age 18
and over every year side effects can
include a range of symptoms from having
difficulty in concentrating and
remembering things difficulty sleeping
hallucinating self-doubt like in energy
to being irritable easily destructed
talking quickly being overjoyed
hyperactive and having recent thoughts
mania is an extreme alleviated stairs
which can include extremely risky
behavior
but I myself have never experienced this
I have experienced hypomania though in
some of my depressive States I haven’t
left the house for weeks upset for the
skill ones to pick up my children I’ve
cut off the outside world and I’ve
barely looked after myself on the other
hand I’ve jumped up and down on the bed
randomly in the middle of the night
being full of adrenaline along with my
bedroom window wide open while singing
loudly to the birds
almost not caring who was listening or
who I may potentially annoy so you
probably wondering how did it all this
come about well I think that my mental
health problems began when I was
approximately 16 years old I’d never
known much middle ground in my life but
what I did know as did others was that I
was different
by now I was told that I stood out for
most people and I liked that I never
once wanted to blend in unfortunately a
year before I moved out so I will have
been about 15 years old
I spent mixing with the wrong crowd of
people by getting it by getting in a
trouble and I was up to up to nothing
but pure mayhem I’m ashamed to admit
that I think I became a bit of a drag of
society within that space of time it’s
just 16 years old I moved out of the
family home and spent nine years in an
abusive relationship with a psychopath I
was bullied spat on conditioned spoken –
like I was worthless controlled stocked
mentally financially sexually and
physically abused and so this was the
downward spiral in my mental health that
was just the beginning as sometimes had
knives held – my thought and at one
point I even had a fractured left hand
and bruises on my body it wasn’t easy to
walk away from that life and it was just
easier to put up and to shut up
whilst I was in this relationship age 19
by now I took on a fish and chip shop
for six years with the help from my
family members Tobias
maybe not one of my best ideas but
definitely a learning curve I must admit
I had a love-hate relationship with my
business and I say this because it’s
what put food on my daughters bliss and
it’s what I wanted at the time so that I
could have more stability in my life on
the bright side my shop was listed as
one of the 50 in 50 top fish and chip
shops in the UK and it was the only one
north of Whitby to get the sea fish
industry I thought the award it was
ranked alongside a celebrity chefs fish
and chips shop and mentioned in numerous
national newspapers and magazines video
interviews followed as did two
photographers turning up at my shop to
get their fair share of photos of myself
with the award to say it was rather
surreal was an understatement
it’s on my wall in my house right now
and I’m proud of that achievement
nevertheless the roller coaster of my
life continued I was about seven months
pregnant at the time with my eldest
daughter and my life literally changed
overnight after my ex try to
unsuccessfully take mine and my
daughter’s life in a car crash I felt
like I had to finally take matters into
my own hands
however I found myself being too scared
to move on in my life so I drove him
front of a lorry head-on instead I
clearly didn’t know what I was thinking
at the time look was obviously on his
and my side that day the only thing that
stopped me from driving into that lorry
was the driver flushing his headlights
and let that mamita
I swerved my car to miss it I was alive
but I was sick of my life I didn’t want
today I just wanted my pain to end it
was more of a cry for help
I felt exhausted in everywhere and I
wanted to leave the world behind as I
thought that was my only way out from
the outside looking in it would have
appeared that I had absolutely
everything a family a business a house
and a car
was maybe the case but behind closed
doors it was a different story
a house it was but a whore
it was not my then partner it never did
find out about my suicide attempt and so
my life went on every day like Groundhog
Day
after some time I finally dared to move
on I sold the business and moved house
with just me and my eldest daughter I
spoke to the police about my violent
past and unfortunately with my case
being historic by then and the fact I
had little proof of what I had
experienced and gone through the police
couldn’t help me I wanted to help others
not to go through what I had gone
through so I started work as a police
volunteer in domestic violence adult
vulnerability and child abuse
investigation sometimes spoke to victims
signposted people for help and typed
hundreds of transcripts of interviews
for the police ready for court and I
loved what I did I met somebody else
moved house again had another child and
eventually started married life I was in
the relationship for about four years
before we parted ways my complicated
personal life continued disastrous toxic
relationships followed but at the time
but at the same time without what has
happened in my life I wouldn’t be here
and I won’t be where I am today it’s now
2017 roughly ten years since I was at
the lowest points in my life now I’m
stood telling you my story pleased that
I failed at my suicide attempt in just
over three years what have I done with
that bipolar disorder diagnosis then
wilter aired myself getting on the path
to a better life I decided to teach
myself what it was all about and the
rest is basically history from then I
set up a Facebook page which is called
me bipolar and I and this is to help
people with post-traumatic stress
disorder depression and bipolar disorder
which I have experience of all today
that page has over 12,000 followers
worldwide is recognized by the
International bipolar foundation in the
USA is looked at by police forces
psychiatrists and all sorts of different
people worldwide from there I’ve looked
for things that can do and depart off
I’ve been involved in TV and scientific
research called a livid bipolar disorder
classes in recovery college and
university helped raise awareness by
speaking to support provider’s met
celebrities and spoken about mine and
their experiences to them contributed to
clinical assessments educated myself
John interviews worked in a mental
health hospital
and community mental health team and
become a member of different charities
and joined a drop-in group as a
volunteer to help people like myself
I’ve also met with stuff in local
businesses and tried to educate them too
and I’ve even had my thoughts put in
front of parliament members and most
recently I’ve one the former deputy
Prime Minister’s mental health hero
award in 2015 out a 900 nominations
there were approximately 40 ok winners
of which I was one of the three in the
Northeast to get that award it’s on my
wall at home along with my fish and
chips shop award I tried to be an
advocate by speaking out blogging and
campaigning I break in the silence and
if poor people like myself spoke about
mental illness there will be a lot less
stigma and discrimination within society
I speak for the silent but together we
can be stronger in numbers you know when
we learn how to work together versus
against each other things might start
get better so after years have been on
different medications I’ve been totally
free of them now for over eight months
and I find that weightlifting and boxing
benefit me too
I hope my new partner and he helps me
and we and he too has experience of
mental health problems I don’t let
bipolar disorder getting my where with
what I want to achieve it’s not an
excuse but an explanation of my behavior
and just sometimes having bipolar
disorder means waking up not knowing
whether Tigger or a or maybe my making
my decisions for me on a morning it
doesn’t rule my world nor define me but
it feels my passion and it inspires me
to be honest without bipolar disorder I
don’t think that I will be as mentally
strong as I am today I find it a curse
at times don’t get me wrong
but more definitely a blessing and from
it I now have a passion and a purpose in
my life if there is one thing that you
could take away from this speech then
please remember to try and see the
person and not the diagnosis I am NOT my
diagnosis I am me change your fears
change your boundaries
change your limits and those choose your
hobby as a job to go somewhere even if
you have no idea where the world will
take you choose to be excited about
whatever your next idea may be move out
of your comfort zone choose health and
to look after yourself make yourself
number one
at times to help people even when you
don’t want to help yourself to smile at
the person who wasn’t smiling back at
you choose to be different and to stand
out not to be consumed by absolutely
everything
choose your thoughts not to be
controlled by society and not be told
what to do choose to not let trivial
things get to you either
be inspired by whatever may inspire you
and to laugh when it’s totally
inconvenient to do so be the person that
everybody who genuinely wants to know
until
of the life that you live choose
experiences over positions and also
never give up choose life thank you [Applause]