so there where are you from you there
yeah
let’s when you’re awesome and yourself
Netherlands and you there yeah Italy
okay so who here has ever been on some
kind of exchange maybe for work or for
university yeah okay I want you all to
close your eyes and imagine yourselves
back there I want you you to imagine
yourself at some kind of cocktail mixer
event your and the goal of the event is
to meet as many foreigners as possible
you know maybe meet a few local eager
locals and you’re kind of standing there
in a group of people yeah you visualize
it with me and you’re listening to this
rerun of a story that your friend has
been telling all week long he’s been
telling every single new person he’s met
all week the same story and you’re just
listening to it and suddenly this very
confident person walks right up to you
silence is the whole conversation now
there’s only a handful of questions I
can come after that definitely in that
situation and the one to me that is most
annoying is hey where y’all from the
most annoying question for anyone that
has just spent a whole week every single
evening at one of these cocktail mixer
events for me it just gets a little bit
worse so maybe just to kind of give you
an idea of where I’m coming from I’ll
introduce myself elaborately so my name
is Alan and I’m technically Dutch
Canadian now someone will say something
with relation to Canada and I have I
would have no idea what they’re talking
about so I’d go on well I got the
Canadian citizenship from my mom but I
never really had a chance to live there
so your Dutch well yes
and
no I lived there the first two years of
my life but ever since I’ve been moving
every three to five years whoo where’d
you live well I moved around quite a lot
so I started off in the Netherlands then
we moved to Ireland down to the South of
France up to Belgium up to Scotland a
few places in between and now finally
I’m here in Italy mmm so your parents
are like diplomats Wow
my parents are cool but not that cool my
my dad’s an engineer and my mom took on
the mighty job of raising four of us and
we’re a handful trust me now so we just
moved around for all sorts of reasons
you know sometimes for school sometimes
for work and literally sometimes just
for the sake of the venture my parents
would say hey let’s just go move and so
we’d move and this really comes from my
mother’s side really my mother who is
obviously the daughter of my grandfather
my grandfather is Indian and he’s from
New Delhi and he was a professor in
international law so they moved around
from campus to campus all across Africa
North America Europe and in India
naturally and so moving around was just
a natural part of her family and my dad
was Irish picked it up as well now as
you’ll all agree it’s you know a lovely
story to start off any conversation with
but and I’m sure they’re people with
much more exotic stories than I have
however I’m right sure that everyone
will agree that after a while it becomes
quite monotone and for me like I know
how the conversations going to go and I
know every single step afterwards
see most people are able to kind of
mitigate this situation I could start
off by saying hi I’m Alan and I’m Dutch
that’s not really true for me especially
when there’s Dutch people in you know
around me they’ll immediately pick up
that I’ve got this like weird
Flemish accent or I make these little
grammar mistakes even though it’s my
mother tongue so for me the question
where I am from starts usually starts
off with oh gosh here we go again and
then in the shortest possible
description of my life to remain
truthful without you know completely
steering the conversation into my own
direction so the question of where I am
from what does it essentially really
mean if we really look at the question
for a moment now if more and more people
are having these complex idea and
entities lately surely the question is
then not really relevant or should we be
looking at something else now if we take
a step back let’s just look at the
question the question of where I’m from
is a tool right it’s a tool to identify
individuals in the least amount of steps
just to try and identify and see who
we’re interacting with for example if a
person has only met one Italian all his
life obviously the next time he or she
meets an Italian will be based on these
preconceived ideas of the former Italian
that they’ve met this it’s kind of
called categorization and everyone does
us we do this with Americans and
Hollywood movies and Indians and
Bollywood movies everyone just does this
and so the question of where you from is
essentially then to determine you know
to identify the individual and then
establish some kind of social context
we’re working in this is called cross
cultural intelligence see on the one
hand we’ve got our social awareness and
then on our other hand it’s our ability
to adapt to the new cross cultural
context so someone with elevated cci
cross-cultural intelligence is able to
for example determine the appropriate
conversation topics the right gestures
just dependent on who is interacting
with or where where they are now
obviously as this you know CCI index has
been developed by psychologists and
these people are very cool people that
try to make us you know
stress F as to whether we reach at least
a little over average and since that
you’re way too many people here to
identify individually I’ll just give you
two benchmarks so that you can kind of
you know situate yourself I hope you
fall somewhere in between now what
determines our level of cross-cultural
intelligence well several studies have
shown that it’s the amount of exposure
we’ve had to other cultures so the more
you’re exposed to another culture the
more you develop this sensitivity to the
differences and this also happens on
much more macro levels so if you have
whole communities that are moving with
each other and you know integrating
literature with each other they get
influenced and this is called poly
culturalism that’s because communities
themselves don’t exist in vacuums
they’re always influencing each other
like take for the UK we’re tikka masala
has essentially become an inherent part
of British cuisine right now if your
community determines it as well then
surely people in big multicultural
cities such as New York where there’s a
melty melting pot of different cultures
these people naturally have a slightly
higher CCI than for example someone that
comes from village with very little
cross-cultural interaction don’t worry
you’re not all predetermined people
obviously you can change this on your
own by traveling and you know positively
engaging with other cultures and to you
know determine your own cross-cultural
intelligence now let’s take this back to
the original question of where where are
you from naturally if you’re at a
cocktail party it’s the most easy
question ever to ask you know just ask
the question and the rest of the
conversation just kind of you know flows
by itself well as conversation goes real
long-term connections are made true
having you know the more similarities
you have the more possibility there is
to have a long-term connection so for
example think of it in checkboxes
No you’ve got your age check interests
check hobbies check and then you start
asking the question where are you from
and then a spy rap we’re different
because at the moment you ask the
question of where you’re from
you’ve established this wall of
difference I am no longer part of you
and you are no longer part of me and
therefore we are different and often you
know as as with my introduction people
are interested are curious and we
continue on this topic of differences
without really getting to the point of
where we really get to interact
especially at these fleeting cocktail
parties now obviously if the question of
where you from does not increase the
odds of long-term connections is it then
desirable
well that’s questionable but the
question of where you’re from has always
been there you know
tell give me any time when the question
of where you from would not have been
relevant so let’s take a source your
historical perspective of it as Sousou
historical perspective would say hey the
question of where you from
is to identify individuals and that is
because individuals themselves strongly
identified with their home community
especially forty years ago just for
example if you take 40 years ago where
in 1978 in the middle of the Cold War
where you were from was important it it
really identified your group identity
and therefore the question of where
you’re from was both accurate and
relevant to any conversation the way
that group identities work though is you
it’s based on two simultaneous processes
on the one hand you’ve got this
fictional narrative that really makes
this group identity so some kind of
purpose or his own debt and you all you
know lead under – under that in banner
and on the other hand this other process
is this distinguishment of the other so
your social cohesion really increases
the moment you are different from
another group take for example football
this is the best example ever know your
at a big stadium at the football World
Cup you are all believing that your your
team will win yeah and the moment you
see the other team’s fans oh man you
really feel part of a gang now you know
football is quite a trivial example but
group identities really work also
relation to for example religion to
ethnicities to nationalities at some
times these become even more important
although over a longer term we’ve been
seeing that you know they’ve become less
and less important and less and less a
part of you know the daily conversation
now every individual themselves can it
can can be part of different group
identities that’s because every
individual consists of different
identity layers on the one hand you’ve
got permanent identity layers which were
originally taught as you know your
religion your ethnicity your gender and
just general main backstreet backbone
identity elements that would stay the
same wherever you are in life on the
other hand you’ve got your more non
permanent identity layers and these
identity layers are much more based on
your social time and place factors for
example yourself you weren’t the same
person as you are now as when you are 18
years old I mean I hope now if we’ve got
different identity layers and you’re
actually thinking about this I’m sure
most of you are feeling that there’s
some kind of discordant here it doesn’t
really make sense that’s because if you
consider it the more that society has
been evolving now the more that some of
these permanent layers have been
shifting to the non permanent side just
think of gender gender was originally
taught as such a permanent element and
is now very much non permanent for me
it’s my national identity my national
identity is no longer you know part of
my permanent identity but something
that’s always been changing the more and
more I move around the more I feel like
the last place I lived so
for example when I’m living now here in
Italy I feel a little British and you
know and when I moved to Germany who
knows I might feel a little Italian you
know the more you move around the more
your identity starts fading a little bit
and the moment you have actually lived
abroad in different communities longer
than you’ve actually lived in your home
community you kind of fall between the
cracks you’re no longer really part of
the new community well your old
community I’m sorry because your accent
is a little different you know you’ve
got maybe slightly different customs but
you never really belong to the new
community but hey you’re still a
foreigner even though your national
identity might have changed slightly
towards that so therefore is the
question of where you’re from relevance
more and more individuals are falling
between these cracks and the question of
where you from really just makes makes a
wall and and limit stats to a certain
extent that’s because of the question of
where I was from or where you are from
some essentially was designed for
individuals that came from one specific
location and of which we could also
further extrapolate for example the
religious background or their ethnicity
that’s no longer the case forty years
ago yes the question of where you from
was relevant today it’s debatable what
about tomorrow what about in 40 years
time when I’m 65 will I still be asked
where I’m from now if the question of
where are you from makes its consists of
two levels you know is doesn’t doesn’t
help on the personal level and really
makes a barrier and on the other hand
doesn’t you know isn’t accurate anymore
well surely then why should we keep
asking the question of where you’re from
now I want you all to close your eyes
again and I want you all to imagine
yourself back at that cocktail bar
you’re standing you know between your
friends again surrounded by the rest and
your
thing to this rerun of a story that your
friend keeps telling every single time
and Sophia or George walks right up to
you they walk up to you and they strike
a conversation and they don’t ask you
where you’re from you know you’re having
this lovely conversation and it goes so
well that you decide that to actually
have another you know have another
coffee with them the following week how
different would it feel if only now they
asked you oh by the way where are you from
yeah
let’s when you’re awesome and yourself
Netherlands and you there yeah Italy
okay so who here has ever been on some
kind of exchange maybe for work or for
university yeah okay I want you all to
close your eyes and imagine yourselves
back there I want you you to imagine
yourself at some kind of cocktail mixer
event your and the goal of the event is
to meet as many foreigners as possible
you know maybe meet a few local eager
locals and you’re kind of standing there
in a group of people yeah you visualize
it with me and you’re listening to this
rerun of a story that your friend has
been telling all week long he’s been
telling every single new person he’s met
all week the same story and you’re just
listening to it and suddenly this very
confident person walks right up to you
silence is the whole conversation now
there’s only a handful of questions I
can come after that definitely in that
situation and the one to me that is most
annoying is hey where y’all from the
most annoying question for anyone that
has just spent a whole week every single
evening at one of these cocktail mixer
events for me it just gets a little bit
worse so maybe just to kind of give you
an idea of where I’m coming from I’ll
introduce myself elaborately so my name
is Alan and I’m technically Dutch
Canadian now someone will say something
with relation to Canada and I have I
would have no idea what they’re talking
about so I’d go on well I got the
Canadian citizenship from my mom but I
never really had a chance to live there
so your Dutch well yes
and
no I lived there the first two years of
my life but ever since I’ve been moving
every three to five years whoo where’d
you live well I moved around quite a lot
so I started off in the Netherlands then
we moved to Ireland down to the South of
France up to Belgium up to Scotland a
few places in between and now finally
I’m here in Italy mmm so your parents
are like diplomats Wow
my parents are cool but not that cool my
my dad’s an engineer and my mom took on
the mighty job of raising four of us and
we’re a handful trust me now so we just
moved around for all sorts of reasons
you know sometimes for school sometimes
for work and literally sometimes just
for the sake of the venture my parents
would say hey let’s just go move and so
we’d move and this really comes from my
mother’s side really my mother who is
obviously the daughter of my grandfather
my grandfather is Indian and he’s from
New Delhi and he was a professor in
international law so they moved around
from campus to campus all across Africa
North America Europe and in India
naturally and so moving around was just
a natural part of her family and my dad
was Irish picked it up as well now as
you’ll all agree it’s you know a lovely
story to start off any conversation with
but and I’m sure they’re people with
much more exotic stories than I have
however I’m right sure that everyone
will agree that after a while it becomes
quite monotone and for me like I know
how the conversations going to go and I
know every single step afterwards
see most people are able to kind of
mitigate this situation I could start
off by saying hi I’m Alan and I’m Dutch
that’s not really true for me especially
when there’s Dutch people in you know
around me they’ll immediately pick up
that I’ve got this like weird
Flemish accent or I make these little
grammar mistakes even though it’s my
mother tongue so for me the question
where I am from starts usually starts
off with oh gosh here we go again and
then in the shortest possible
description of my life to remain
truthful without you know completely
steering the conversation into my own
direction so the question of where I am
from what does it essentially really
mean if we really look at the question
for a moment now if more and more people
are having these complex idea and
entities lately surely the question is
then not really relevant or should we be
looking at something else now if we take
a step back let’s just look at the
question the question of where I’m from
is a tool right it’s a tool to identify
individuals in the least amount of steps
just to try and identify and see who
we’re interacting with for example if a
person has only met one Italian all his
life obviously the next time he or she
meets an Italian will be based on these
preconceived ideas of the former Italian
that they’ve met this it’s kind of
called categorization and everyone does
us we do this with Americans and
Hollywood movies and Indians and
Bollywood movies everyone just does this
and so the question of where you from is
essentially then to determine you know
to identify the individual and then
establish some kind of social context
we’re working in this is called cross
cultural intelligence see on the one
hand we’ve got our social awareness and
then on our other hand it’s our ability
to adapt to the new cross cultural
context so someone with elevated cci
cross-cultural intelligence is able to
for example determine the appropriate
conversation topics the right gestures
just dependent on who is interacting
with or where where they are now
obviously as this you know CCI index has
been developed by psychologists and
these people are very cool people that
try to make us you know
stress F as to whether we reach at least
a little over average and since that
you’re way too many people here to
identify individually I’ll just give you
two benchmarks so that you can kind of
you know situate yourself I hope you
fall somewhere in between now what
determines our level of cross-cultural
intelligence well several studies have
shown that it’s the amount of exposure
we’ve had to other cultures so the more
you’re exposed to another culture the
more you develop this sensitivity to the
differences and this also happens on
much more macro levels so if you have
whole communities that are moving with
each other and you know integrating
literature with each other they get
influenced and this is called poly
culturalism that’s because communities
themselves don’t exist in vacuums
they’re always influencing each other
like take for the UK we’re tikka masala
has essentially become an inherent part
of British cuisine right now if your
community determines it as well then
surely people in big multicultural
cities such as New York where there’s a
melty melting pot of different cultures
these people naturally have a slightly
higher CCI than for example someone that
comes from village with very little
cross-cultural interaction don’t worry
you’re not all predetermined people
obviously you can change this on your
own by traveling and you know positively
engaging with other cultures and to you
know determine your own cross-cultural
intelligence now let’s take this back to
the original question of where where are
you from naturally if you’re at a
cocktail party it’s the most easy
question ever to ask you know just ask
the question and the rest of the
conversation just kind of you know flows
by itself well as conversation goes real
long-term connections are made true
having you know the more similarities
you have the more possibility there is
to have a long-term connection so for
example think of it in checkboxes
No you’ve got your age check interests
check hobbies check and then you start
asking the question where are you from
and then a spy rap we’re different
because at the moment you ask the
question of where you’re from
you’ve established this wall of
difference I am no longer part of you
and you are no longer part of me and
therefore we are different and often you
know as as with my introduction people
are interested are curious and we
continue on this topic of differences
without really getting to the point of
where we really get to interact
especially at these fleeting cocktail
parties now obviously if the question of
where you from does not increase the
odds of long-term connections is it then
desirable
well that’s questionable but the
question of where you’re from has always
been there you know
tell give me any time when the question
of where you from would not have been
relevant so let’s take a source your
historical perspective of it as Sousou
historical perspective would say hey the
question of where you from
is to identify individuals and that is
because individuals themselves strongly
identified with their home community
especially forty years ago just for
example if you take 40 years ago where
in 1978 in the middle of the Cold War
where you were from was important it it
really identified your group identity
and therefore the question of where
you’re from was both accurate and
relevant to any conversation the way
that group identities work though is you
it’s based on two simultaneous processes
on the one hand you’ve got this
fictional narrative that really makes
this group identity so some kind of
purpose or his own debt and you all you
know lead under – under that in banner
and on the other hand this other process
is this distinguishment of the other so
your social cohesion really increases
the moment you are different from
another group take for example football
this is the best example ever know your
at a big stadium at the football World
Cup you are all believing that your your
team will win yeah and the moment you
see the other team’s fans oh man you
really feel part of a gang now you know
football is quite a trivial example but
group identities really work also
relation to for example religion to
ethnicities to nationalities at some
times these become even more important
although over a longer term we’ve been
seeing that you know they’ve become less
and less important and less and less a
part of you know the daily conversation
now every individual themselves can it
can can be part of different group
identities that’s because every
individual consists of different
identity layers on the one hand you’ve
got permanent identity layers which were
originally taught as you know your
religion your ethnicity your gender and
just general main backstreet backbone
identity elements that would stay the
same wherever you are in life on the
other hand you’ve got your more non
permanent identity layers and these
identity layers are much more based on
your social time and place factors for
example yourself you weren’t the same
person as you are now as when you are 18
years old I mean I hope now if we’ve got
different identity layers and you’re
actually thinking about this I’m sure
most of you are feeling that there’s
some kind of discordant here it doesn’t
really make sense that’s because if you
consider it the more that society has
been evolving now the more that some of
these permanent layers have been
shifting to the non permanent side just
think of gender gender was originally
taught as such a permanent element and
is now very much non permanent for me
it’s my national identity my national
identity is no longer you know part of
my permanent identity but something
that’s always been changing the more and
more I move around the more I feel like
the last place I lived so
for example when I’m living now here in
Italy I feel a little British and you
know and when I moved to Germany who
knows I might feel a little Italian you
know the more you move around the more
your identity starts fading a little bit
and the moment you have actually lived
abroad in different communities longer
than you’ve actually lived in your home
community you kind of fall between the
cracks you’re no longer really part of
the new community well your old
community I’m sorry because your accent
is a little different you know you’ve
got maybe slightly different customs but
you never really belong to the new
community but hey you’re still a
foreigner even though your national
identity might have changed slightly
towards that so therefore is the
question of where you’re from relevance
more and more individuals are falling
between these cracks and the question of
where you from really just makes makes a
wall and and limit stats to a certain
extent that’s because of the question of
where I was from or where you are from
some essentially was designed for
individuals that came from one specific
location and of which we could also
further extrapolate for example the
religious background or their ethnicity
that’s no longer the case forty years
ago yes the question of where you from
was relevant today it’s debatable what
about tomorrow what about in 40 years
time when I’m 65 will I still be asked
where I’m from now if the question of
where are you from makes its consists of
two levels you know is doesn’t doesn’t
help on the personal level and really
makes a barrier and on the other hand
doesn’t you know isn’t accurate anymore
well surely then why should we keep
asking the question of where you’re from
now I want you all to close your eyes
again and I want you all to imagine
yourself back at that cocktail bar
you’re standing you know between your
friends again surrounded by the rest and
your
thing to this rerun of a story that your
friend keeps telling every single time
and Sophia or George walks right up to
you they walk up to you and they strike
a conversation and they don’t ask you
where you’re from you know you’re having
this lovely conversation and it goes so
well that you decide that to actually
have another you know have another
coffee with them the following week how
different would it feel if only now they
asked you oh by the way where are you from
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