it’s very easy to see what we don’t like
about ourselves and other people it’s a
little harder to see what we don’t like
about ourselves in the mirror and
sometimes other people can see things in
us that we don’t want to see in
ourselves when that happens our first
reaction is you’re wrong you’re confused
when people tell us something we don’t
want to hear our first reaction is
they’re wrong and they’re confused
sometimes it’s hard to look in that
mirror and say you know what maybe I’m
wrong and maybe I’m confused what did I
learn sometimes other people can see
some of us we can’t see in ourselves and
our first reaction is they’re confused a
great challenge learn to listen to other
people hear what they have to say and
recognize sometimes they can see
something in us that we don’t want to
see in ourselves our monkey mind is our
mind is in many ways like a monkey
swinging through the vines in a jungle
you know Kingdom Dingley meaning me
meaning going from this thing to thing
and the Internet provides amphetamines
for the monkey mind you know you’re you
ever go online you’re going to look up
so I’m just going to take 3 minutes 3
hours later you’re still in line in any
meaning and it’s very hard to kind of
calm down the monkey mind the more you
measure things the less likely you are
to have this happen and also the more we
admit we need help in structure when you
get over that macho I can do everything
on my own nonsense life is better so if
you know look I’m going to go online
let’s look at my history here I’m going
to set the alarm clock off so in five
minutes this alarm clock is going to go
off and I’m not going to be online
anymore
[Music]
imagine you’re 95 and you’re just
getting ready to die and you’re on that
deathbed here comes your last breath
right before you take that breath you’re
giving a beautiful gift the ability to
go back in time and talk to the person
in this room the ability to help this
person be a better leader more important
the ability to help this person have a
better life what advice would the wise
95 year-old you who knows what mattered
in life and what didn’t have for the you
that’s sitting here right now you don’t
have to say anything or do anything just
answer that question in your mind
whatever you’re thinking now do that
terms say performance appraisals that’s
the only ones going to matter some
friends of mine interviewed old folks
who are dying and asking this question
what advice would you have on the
personal side three themes theme number
one three words be happy now not next
week not next year not next month be
happy now Great Western disease I’ll be
happy when when I get the money the
status B&W we all have the same win
battle person is when learning point
from old people I got so wrapped up
chasing what I did not have I could not
see what I did have and I had everything
people in this room many of you are
among the luckiest humans who ever lived
many of you have friends and family and
help and you’re doing fun work and
you’re helping people
the Great Western disease is I will be
happy when when I get the money the
status the BMW the condominium when I
get this I will be happy well this is
the Great Western message and it’s
supported by what I call the Great
Western art form now what is the right
Western art form this is something
you’ve seen in your life probably
hundreds of thousands perhaps millions
of times it’s always the same story the
story sounds like this there is a person
person is sad they spend money buy
product and they become happy this is
called a commercial have you ever seen
one of those before the message is
always the same it’s not in here it’s
out there I will be happy when the
reality is lottery winners have been
studied to death and when someone wins
the lottery within three years
statistically they’re not much happier
than they were to start with what’s been
learned is happiness doesn’t come from
the outside most of happiness comes from
the inside well the great employee
engagement myth is the employees will be
engaged win when we give them this
program when we do this process they
will be engaged win well that’s
partially true I mean better leaders
lead to more engagement and better
recognition leads to more engagement the
reality is also though a lot of employee
engagement doesn’t come from the outside
a lot of employee engagement comes from
the inside and one of the things that
I’m going to talk about is how do you
create an environment where people take
responsibility for their own engagement
and instead of focusing on I will be
engaged when the company does something
for me take responsibility for their own
engagement and say I can’t engage myself
we spend in an ordinate amount of time
in life why me
typically whining about decision-makers
whining about decisions I’m going to
talk about five of my favorite wines and
then we’ll talk about how many times
you’ve heard these and then look in the
mirror and say how many times have I
done it myself that first wine is called
it’s not fair it’s not fair the decision
makes you make the decision we conclude
it’s not fair decisions have nothing to
do with fairness every decision is made
by the person who has the power to make
the decision not a fair person right
person or logical person it’s made by
that person the decision-maker is the
customer and our job is to influence the
decision-maker not to just judge other
people this Peter Drucker said our job
in life is to make a positive difference
not group we’re right well it’s not fair
the kid comes home from school daddy
mommy I got a C on my report card I
should have gotten an A it’s not fair a
great learning experience for the child
decisions are made based on fairness you
did not tell the teacher the teacher was
the decision-maker the teacher thought
you should have done the scene we
thought you should lay today well you’re
doing great on paper the teacher graded
the paper you kind of think there’s
always a teacher there’s always a boss
there’s always a customer there’s always
somebody and it’s never really fair
another common line is it’s not smart
yeah they’re doing that and and they
think it’s fair but it’s not smart I
have a much better idea and the world
will be better if they did it my way
well sometimes the world doesn’t ask us
how we want to do things we’ve got to do
things that others do it and maybe their
definition of smart is a little bit
different than and our definition of
smart and a favorite among engineers
that’s related to these two is it’s not
logical people with technical background
scientists engineers constantly look for
logic where none exists
and then we’re shocked because we can’t
find it now I have a degree in
mathematical economics I went to an
engineering
also include myself in this category too
much of my life has been wasted looking
for logic where none exists and being
shocked when I can’t find it well
decisions are not always made based on
logic oftentimes crazy people make
decisions and it’s not logical sometimes
we say well it they think it’s logical
and there they try to be fair it’s just
the wrong decision they mean well it’s
just not right it’s not right well again
we don’t get to necessarily as we
wandered in life decide what is or isn’t
right in our definition of right I might
be somebody else’s another big favorite
is it’s not their job it’s my job it’s
not their job it’s my job leave it or
not I see this with a lot of CEOs I
coach shockingly I worked with a CEO of
a private equity firm private equity
they own the company
I was hired by the owners you know what
he said they can’t tell me what to do
it’s not their job I’m the CEO
shockingly you’d be surprised how many
people become brain-dead when they
become CEOs I’m the CEO they can’t tell
me what to do I had to sit down and say
they own the company it’s their money
they can indeed tell you what to do you
see you work for them they do not work
for you
I had another CEO the same problem in a
publicly traded company with his board I
had to sit down and say excuse me the
Board of Directors rightly or wrongly
represents the ownership of the company
the board does not report to you you
actually report to the board now
fortunately in most cases as a coach
I’ve been successful I’ve had a failure
I had a failure where a person never
really quite got it now as we look at
decision making realize one thing our
job is to make a positive difference not
to go through life critiquing everybody
else with our infinite wisdom and
whining and again some of the favorite
ones we’ve talked about it’s not right
it’s not there it’s not smart it’s not
logical it’s not their job we can go
through life doing this all do you want
to what are we accomplishing nothing
simple guidelines to life do more
blindly take all the effort you might
have spent on whining and complaining
about other people and focus on making a
positive difference how to influence
those other people don’t waste so much
time judging critiquing and whine
[Music]
one of the greatest thinkers in the
history of leadership development is a
hero of mine a man named dr. Warren
Bennis and Warren Bennis is a wonderful
guy guys help me have a better life and
someone I’ve always looked up to Warren
told the story would say I’ll always
remember for a while he was president of
the University of Cincinnati and he’s
not sure he wanted to be President for
all the right reasons he was president
and he was given the talk in front of a
group of people and one gentleman raised
his hand and he said dr. Venice do you
love what you do do you love being
president and Lorenzetti he stopped and
there was almost a minute of silence
eventually he looked at this person said
I don’t know that moment kind of changed
his career he realized maybe he wasn’t
being the president for the right
reasons things like status ego feeling
important
maybe those kicked in over things like
doing what I love doing and doing what’s
in my heart
well I thought a lot about Warren Bennis
example do you love what you do in the
old days if you didn’t love what you do
it wasn’t so bad
for example in 1979 IBM was my biggest
customer IBM was the most admired
company in the world
they were the god company in 1979 I
could go to our mock New York shoot a
cannonball down the hall at 5 o’clock
and hit almost nobody these people
worked 35 40 hours a week and they took
five weeks of real vacation I recently
talked to the chief Learning Officer at
IBM instead of at those same people in
that same building now work 60 hours a
week
he said wrong 70 hours a week and by the
way there’s almost no real vacation when
you take the cell phone with you when
you take the computer with you when you
go on that vacation you’re constantly
wired in there’s almost no real vacation
very important point for young people
today very importantly if you can work
35 or 40 hours a week and take five
weeks of real vacation and you don’t
love what you do it’s not so bad it’s
not so bad
Colonel Gascon job anyway if you’re
working 70 hours a week and you get no
week’s real vacation you do not love
what you do you’re living in a bad place
called New Age professional health and
too many people are living there today
very important challenge for people at
all ages especially young people realize
you’re probably going to have to commit
to your job realize you’re probably
going to be working many hours realize
your occupation is going to be a large
part of your life go back to that great
question do you love what you do in to
the degree you can answer that question
yes you’re probably going to be a winner
in the game of life to degree you answer
that question no you’re going to have
some problems
[Music]
I have done programs myself called
creating a great rest of your life in
this very room with many CEOs my friend
Alan Mulally CEO Ford has been in this
room like the CEO Walmart has been in
this room many many top leaders have
been in this room and we’ve talked about
what are you going to do now these are
typically people my age older people and
60s maybe early 70s and talking about
what he can do the rest of your life and
really what I’ve learned is the accounts
of the plain crappy golf with old men at
the Country Club while eating chicken
salad sandwiches and discussing
gallbladder surgery may not be quite as
wonderful as itself especially if you’ve
had a meaningful life and we talk about
what is what matters in life really what
matters and what we’ve come up with a
couple of things one is yet to be happy
what you’re doing you love the process
of what you’re doing you want to be a
victim or a martyr and he also I need to
find meaning you can’t just go on
cruises and play bad golf you have to do
something that matters in life and so I
think it is very important at every
stage of life we go back and look at
what’s important what matters that what
do I want to be we spend so little time
thinking about this one of my good
coaching clients was going to retire in
six months it was a CEO of a huge
company and I said if you need a company
we’re going to change in six months
totally different customers everything
would you plan for it who said of course
how would a responsible person on the
CEO so your life is going to change in
six months totally change everything’s
going to be different how much time
you’ve been planning for that and we say
then big mistake okay big big mistake so
I think it’s very important as we go
through various stages of life to
reflect and think back what matters in
life what’s important and I don’t feel
any of us are too young or old to kind
of begin this process
[Music]
creating a new identity how can we
become someone different how can we
create a new identity now the final
element of identity if you look at our
model is called our created identity
that’s that new person that we can
create that’s the future that we create
for ourselves and in looking at this
element of identity when a give you an
example from a famous rock star one
night I had the opportunity of having
dinner with the famous rock and roll
star Bono and I didn’t know any of his
music too much because it was recorded
after 1975 we had a wonderful dinner
though and he talked about not his music
he talked about a lot about his identity
and the first part of his identity was
kind of regular guy not pompous or
pretentious very much a regular person
and you know he impressed me as being
very much a regular guy didn’t put on
airs just seemed to be a real real
person he’s the F word about every third
word when we were talking he’s a nice
man he apologized he said you know syrup
probably shouldn’t use such bad language
around you I said excuse me I’m from
Valley station Kentucky
I thought the F word was the adjective
that proceeded all bounds so I said this
really doesn’t bother me that much well
after a regular guy the next part of his
identity was rock-and-roll fear itself’
fan of music he talked about the group’s
he loved and how they influenced his
life in anakinra addition they still in
addition we talked about how he loves
making music and not just for money how
he had tons with his family and they
don’t sing and make music together and
how much he enjoyed that when he became
a rock star and he talked about words
like to be a rock star
he wasn’t bragging or showing off that’s
who he is he’s a rock star he talked
about the pluses and minuses of that
life
and now is humanitarian he is promoting
a whole lot of his life to trying to
help others he made an interesting point
not so easy everybody didn’t support him
in trying to be a humanitarian some
people were more into like who is this
guy shallow is plastic some rock star
what’s he trying to be some kind of
humanitarian into his credit you know we
said to himself forget that if I want to
help people I shouldn’t have to
apologize or be ashamed of it and he is
devoting a huge amount of his life right
now to helping others well to me
god bless him he has created a new
identity for himself without being a
hypocrite and without being a phony I’m
a point for you challenge yourself think
about what is my identity now second
where did that identity come from my
memories feedback from others
programming what is a new person I want
to create how can I create a new
identity a different person a better
person a person who’s not the same as
the person who’s clear now without being
a hypocrite without being a phony
creating better me
[Music]
about ourselves and other people it’s a
little harder to see what we don’t like
about ourselves in the mirror and
sometimes other people can see things in
us that we don’t want to see in
ourselves when that happens our first
reaction is you’re wrong you’re confused
when people tell us something we don’t
want to hear our first reaction is
they’re wrong and they’re confused
sometimes it’s hard to look in that
mirror and say you know what maybe I’m
wrong and maybe I’m confused what did I
learn sometimes other people can see
some of us we can’t see in ourselves and
our first reaction is they’re confused a
great challenge learn to listen to other
people hear what they have to say and
recognize sometimes they can see
something in us that we don’t want to
see in ourselves our monkey mind is our
mind is in many ways like a monkey
swinging through the vines in a jungle
you know Kingdom Dingley meaning me
meaning going from this thing to thing
and the Internet provides amphetamines
for the monkey mind you know you’re you
ever go online you’re going to look up
so I’m just going to take 3 minutes 3
hours later you’re still in line in any
meaning and it’s very hard to kind of
calm down the monkey mind the more you
measure things the less likely you are
to have this happen and also the more we
admit we need help in structure when you
get over that macho I can do everything
on my own nonsense life is better so if
you know look I’m going to go online
let’s look at my history here I’m going
to set the alarm clock off so in five
minutes this alarm clock is going to go
off and I’m not going to be online
anymore
[Music]
imagine you’re 95 and you’re just
getting ready to die and you’re on that
deathbed here comes your last breath
right before you take that breath you’re
giving a beautiful gift the ability to
go back in time and talk to the person
in this room the ability to help this
person be a better leader more important
the ability to help this person have a
better life what advice would the wise
95 year-old you who knows what mattered
in life and what didn’t have for the you
that’s sitting here right now you don’t
have to say anything or do anything just
answer that question in your mind
whatever you’re thinking now do that
terms say performance appraisals that’s
the only ones going to matter some
friends of mine interviewed old folks
who are dying and asking this question
what advice would you have on the
personal side three themes theme number
one three words be happy now not next
week not next year not next month be
happy now Great Western disease I’ll be
happy when when I get the money the
status B&W we all have the same win
battle person is when learning point
from old people I got so wrapped up
chasing what I did not have I could not
see what I did have and I had everything
people in this room many of you are
among the luckiest humans who ever lived
many of you have friends and family and
help and you’re doing fun work and
you’re helping people
the Great Western disease is I will be
happy when when I get the money the
status the BMW the condominium when I
get this I will be happy well this is
the Great Western message and it’s
supported by what I call the Great
Western art form now what is the right
Western art form this is something
you’ve seen in your life probably
hundreds of thousands perhaps millions
of times it’s always the same story the
story sounds like this there is a person
person is sad they spend money buy
product and they become happy this is
called a commercial have you ever seen
one of those before the message is
always the same it’s not in here it’s
out there I will be happy when the
reality is lottery winners have been
studied to death and when someone wins
the lottery within three years
statistically they’re not much happier
than they were to start with what’s been
learned is happiness doesn’t come from
the outside most of happiness comes from
the inside well the great employee
engagement myth is the employees will be
engaged win when we give them this
program when we do this process they
will be engaged win well that’s
partially true I mean better leaders
lead to more engagement and better
recognition leads to more engagement the
reality is also though a lot of employee
engagement doesn’t come from the outside
a lot of employee engagement comes from
the inside and one of the things that
I’m going to talk about is how do you
create an environment where people take
responsibility for their own engagement
and instead of focusing on I will be
engaged when the company does something
for me take responsibility for their own
engagement and say I can’t engage myself
we spend in an ordinate amount of time
in life why me
typically whining about decision-makers
whining about decisions I’m going to
talk about five of my favorite wines and
then we’ll talk about how many times
you’ve heard these and then look in the
mirror and say how many times have I
done it myself that first wine is called
it’s not fair it’s not fair the decision
makes you make the decision we conclude
it’s not fair decisions have nothing to
do with fairness every decision is made
by the person who has the power to make
the decision not a fair person right
person or logical person it’s made by
that person the decision-maker is the
customer and our job is to influence the
decision-maker not to just judge other
people this Peter Drucker said our job
in life is to make a positive difference
not group we’re right well it’s not fair
the kid comes home from school daddy
mommy I got a C on my report card I
should have gotten an A it’s not fair a
great learning experience for the child
decisions are made based on fairness you
did not tell the teacher the teacher was
the decision-maker the teacher thought
you should have done the scene we
thought you should lay today well you’re
doing great on paper the teacher graded
the paper you kind of think there’s
always a teacher there’s always a boss
there’s always a customer there’s always
somebody and it’s never really fair
another common line is it’s not smart
yeah they’re doing that and and they
think it’s fair but it’s not smart I
have a much better idea and the world
will be better if they did it my way
well sometimes the world doesn’t ask us
how we want to do things we’ve got to do
things that others do it and maybe their
definition of smart is a little bit
different than and our definition of
smart and a favorite among engineers
that’s related to these two is it’s not
logical people with technical background
scientists engineers constantly look for
logic where none exists
and then we’re shocked because we can’t
find it now I have a degree in
mathematical economics I went to an
engineering
also include myself in this category too
much of my life has been wasted looking
for logic where none exists and being
shocked when I can’t find it well
decisions are not always made based on
logic oftentimes crazy people make
decisions and it’s not logical sometimes
we say well it they think it’s logical
and there they try to be fair it’s just
the wrong decision they mean well it’s
just not right it’s not right well again
we don’t get to necessarily as we
wandered in life decide what is or isn’t
right in our definition of right I might
be somebody else’s another big favorite
is it’s not their job it’s my job it’s
not their job it’s my job leave it or
not I see this with a lot of CEOs I
coach shockingly I worked with a CEO of
a private equity firm private equity
they own the company
I was hired by the owners you know what
he said they can’t tell me what to do
it’s not their job I’m the CEO
shockingly you’d be surprised how many
people become brain-dead when they
become CEOs I’m the CEO they can’t tell
me what to do I had to sit down and say
they own the company it’s their money
they can indeed tell you what to do you
see you work for them they do not work
for you
I had another CEO the same problem in a
publicly traded company with his board I
had to sit down and say excuse me the
Board of Directors rightly or wrongly
represents the ownership of the company
the board does not report to you you
actually report to the board now
fortunately in most cases as a coach
I’ve been successful I’ve had a failure
I had a failure where a person never
really quite got it now as we look at
decision making realize one thing our
job is to make a positive difference not
to go through life critiquing everybody
else with our infinite wisdom and
whining and again some of the favorite
ones we’ve talked about it’s not right
it’s not there it’s not smart it’s not
logical it’s not their job we can go
through life doing this all do you want
to what are we accomplishing nothing
simple guidelines to life do more
blindly take all the effort you might
have spent on whining and complaining
about other people and focus on making a
positive difference how to influence
those other people don’t waste so much
time judging critiquing and whine
[Music]
one of the greatest thinkers in the
history of leadership development is a
hero of mine a man named dr. Warren
Bennis and Warren Bennis is a wonderful
guy guys help me have a better life and
someone I’ve always looked up to Warren
told the story would say I’ll always
remember for a while he was president of
the University of Cincinnati and he’s
not sure he wanted to be President for
all the right reasons he was president
and he was given the talk in front of a
group of people and one gentleman raised
his hand and he said dr. Venice do you
love what you do do you love being
president and Lorenzetti he stopped and
there was almost a minute of silence
eventually he looked at this person said
I don’t know that moment kind of changed
his career he realized maybe he wasn’t
being the president for the right
reasons things like status ego feeling
important
maybe those kicked in over things like
doing what I love doing and doing what’s
in my heart
well I thought a lot about Warren Bennis
example do you love what you do in the
old days if you didn’t love what you do
it wasn’t so bad
for example in 1979 IBM was my biggest
customer IBM was the most admired
company in the world
they were the god company in 1979 I
could go to our mock New York shoot a
cannonball down the hall at 5 o’clock
and hit almost nobody these people
worked 35 40 hours a week and they took
five weeks of real vacation I recently
talked to the chief Learning Officer at
IBM instead of at those same people in
that same building now work 60 hours a
week
he said wrong 70 hours a week and by the
way there’s almost no real vacation when
you take the cell phone with you when
you take the computer with you when you
go on that vacation you’re constantly
wired in there’s almost no real vacation
very important point for young people
today very importantly if you can work
35 or 40 hours a week and take five
weeks of real vacation and you don’t
love what you do it’s not so bad it’s
not so bad
Colonel Gascon job anyway if you’re
working 70 hours a week and you get no
week’s real vacation you do not love
what you do you’re living in a bad place
called New Age professional health and
too many people are living there today
very important challenge for people at
all ages especially young people realize
you’re probably going to have to commit
to your job realize you’re probably
going to be working many hours realize
your occupation is going to be a large
part of your life go back to that great
question do you love what you do in to
the degree you can answer that question
yes you’re probably going to be a winner
in the game of life to degree you answer
that question no you’re going to have
some problems
[Music]
I have done programs myself called
creating a great rest of your life in
this very room with many CEOs my friend
Alan Mulally CEO Ford has been in this
room like the CEO Walmart has been in
this room many many top leaders have
been in this room and we’ve talked about
what are you going to do now these are
typically people my age older people and
60s maybe early 70s and talking about
what he can do the rest of your life and
really what I’ve learned is the accounts
of the plain crappy golf with old men at
the Country Club while eating chicken
salad sandwiches and discussing
gallbladder surgery may not be quite as
wonderful as itself especially if you’ve
had a meaningful life and we talk about
what is what matters in life really what
matters and what we’ve come up with a
couple of things one is yet to be happy
what you’re doing you love the process
of what you’re doing you want to be a
victim or a martyr and he also I need to
find meaning you can’t just go on
cruises and play bad golf you have to do
something that matters in life and so I
think it is very important at every
stage of life we go back and look at
what’s important what matters that what
do I want to be we spend so little time
thinking about this one of my good
coaching clients was going to retire in
six months it was a CEO of a huge
company and I said if you need a company
we’re going to change in six months
totally different customers everything
would you plan for it who said of course
how would a responsible person on the
CEO so your life is going to change in
six months totally change everything’s
going to be different how much time
you’ve been planning for that and we say
then big mistake okay big big mistake so
I think it’s very important as we go
through various stages of life to
reflect and think back what matters in
life what’s important and I don’t feel
any of us are too young or old to kind
of begin this process
[Music]
creating a new identity how can we
become someone different how can we
create a new identity now the final
element of identity if you look at our
model is called our created identity
that’s that new person that we can
create that’s the future that we create
for ourselves and in looking at this
element of identity when a give you an
example from a famous rock star one
night I had the opportunity of having
dinner with the famous rock and roll
star Bono and I didn’t know any of his
music too much because it was recorded
after 1975 we had a wonderful dinner
though and he talked about not his music
he talked about a lot about his identity
and the first part of his identity was
kind of regular guy not pompous or
pretentious very much a regular person
and you know he impressed me as being
very much a regular guy didn’t put on
airs just seemed to be a real real
person he’s the F word about every third
word when we were talking he’s a nice
man he apologized he said you know syrup
probably shouldn’t use such bad language
around you I said excuse me I’m from
Valley station Kentucky
I thought the F word was the adjective
that proceeded all bounds so I said this
really doesn’t bother me that much well
after a regular guy the next part of his
identity was rock-and-roll fear itself’
fan of music he talked about the group’s
he loved and how they influenced his
life in anakinra addition they still in
addition we talked about how he loves
making music and not just for money how
he had tons with his family and they
don’t sing and make music together and
how much he enjoyed that when he became
a rock star and he talked about words
like to be a rock star
he wasn’t bragging or showing off that’s
who he is he’s a rock star he talked
about the pluses and minuses of that
life
and now is humanitarian he is promoting
a whole lot of his life to trying to
help others he made an interesting point
not so easy everybody didn’t support him
in trying to be a humanitarian some
people were more into like who is this
guy shallow is plastic some rock star
what’s he trying to be some kind of
humanitarian into his credit you know we
said to himself forget that if I want to
help people I shouldn’t have to
apologize or be ashamed of it and he is
devoting a huge amount of his life right
now to helping others well to me
god bless him he has created a new
identity for himself without being a
hypocrite and without being a phony I’m
a point for you challenge yourself think
about what is my identity now second
where did that identity come from my
memories feedback from others
programming what is a new person I want
to create how can I create a new
identity a different person a better
person a person who’s not the same as
the person who’s clear now without being
a hypocrite without being a phony
creating better me
[Music]
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