today I’d like to talk about a creature
that embodies a journey of struggle to
survival to triumph today I’d like to
talk about sea turtles for starters here
are a few cool facts first after
hatching and entering the water up to
the first decade of a baby sea turtles
life is known as the last years this
time consists of travel and maturation
yet scientists don’t actually know where
they go or what happens in a sea turtles
life second it is estimated that only
one out of every thousand sea turtles
make it to adulthood one third though
that do survive can live up to an
average of 100 years and they cross
oceans many times over
now I’m no herpetologist or tested
monologist in fact the only thing I’m an
expert at is surviving so in doing
research for this presentation I came
across an article titled if you are born
a sea turtle the odds are never in your
favor and although statistically I know
that I didn’t know whether to take a
title was encouraging her disheartening
to think about you see sea turtles have
always been my analogy to tell my story
the right spirit animal per se it is
true until maturation around age 20
sea turtles are in a fight for their
life they are not likely to win and yet
some do and those who survive grow old
and wise flying through the ocean with
Beauty Grace and expertise my name is
Lanie Corrado and as an expert in
surviving things I shouldn’t have I’d
like to share my last years with you all
today to show you that the fight for
life is worth it now would you believe
me if I told you I graduated high school
and I was 16 would you believe me if I
told you I got my first college degree
the same year I got my driver’s license
would you believe me if I told you that
less than one year ago I was admitted to
the hospital and told what the path I
was on I had two weeks to live all of
these are true I’m 19 years old I’m a
junior in college I’ve stared death in
the face and I chose to come back you
see like a snake that preys on young
turtles anorexia nervosa crept into my
life one
I was only nine years old now I’ve been
told by several professionals that I’m
the poster child for developing an
eating disorder but how could this be
when I was spending my existence trying
to be the poster child for a student and
athlete a caretaker literally anything
that would show the world I was doing
what I was supposed to well that’s how I
started when I was nine I didn’t even
know what an eating disorder was I knew
food was something special it had rules
it could be earned as a reward or it
could be lost as a punishment I knew a
meal was complete when there was a
vegetable a protein and a starch present
I know my family is Italian so one of
the ways we show love is by making food
for somebody else
oh you don’t feel good here’s some of
Nana’s magical soup to make you feel
better oh you’re having a rough day
let’s bake something warm together to
make it better do you want to play
something with all of your siblings
let’s have a cooking competition food
has this magical way to bring people
together and convey a message of love
and care so then how did food become my
enemy simple it did it food was not the
root of the problem it was merely the
means through which I communicated I was
struggling so then how did would start
as a food game end up taking my life
almost a decade later well first let’s
start and look at some of the risk
factors for developing an eating
disorder
first and foremost genetics there is a
biological predisposition although it is
common thought that eating disorders are
a socio-cultural origin it is genetics
that load the gun and the environment
burns the trigger and it’s important to
note that just as death does not
discriminate
neither do eating disorders no matter
your race gender or socio-economic level
and although statistically we do see
higher fluctuations in certain
demographics that does not discredit the
very real battle of any given individual
who is struggling next we have
psychological factors such as
perfectionism or behavior and
flexibility we also have a familial or
personal history of anxiety depression
or eating disorders then we have our
commonly attributed factors such as an
idealization in the media social
pressure
negative effect parental separation and
maladaptive coping and finally we have
the combination of social environmental
factors such as trauma at the onset of
my eating disorder I checked that box
with a face only once now I stand here
as a survivor of the me2 movement eight
faces over now I’m all for making a list
to check things off to feel accomplished
but not for something that carried the
stigma that because I was struggling
that meant I was a bad person or
attention-seeking it was more than
waking up one morning and deciding not
to eat and it was bigger than what could
be fixed with just eat a burger so then
how did it end up this far well here’s
how it went
age 9 I started by skipping meals in
order to eat fewer numbers in the day
before adding on age 10 and 11 nighttime
wasn’t for sleep anymore it was for
exercising in the dark despite being
active the majority of the day
self-punishment went from digging and
nails and biting skin sketching tally
marks across my flesh covered
Battlefield age 12 disappointment at
myself for failing to comply with the
screeching in my head let me to look for
new answers face down in a toilet bowl
age 13 it still wasn’t enough on my 6
mile a day runs I would go to the
drugstore and scan the weight loss aisle
for diet pills ones I didn’t think would
do too much damage but would be enough
to tell the voices constantly telling me
I was worthless but at least I was
trying to be worth something
age 14 all caution to the wind I
upgraded my diet pills to a brand that
was about to be taken off the shelf you
did the damage as it caused I also began
inhaling handfuls of laxatives and this
year was my first of many attempts to
take my own life five years in each year
adding another layer of destruction my
body had had enough a broken ankle
fractured foot pulled ACL I was forced
to stop exercising two months of not
healing later I was diagnosed with Lyme
disease turned out to be the perfect
cover for my eating disorder over the
next four months I was in and out of the
hospital every other weekend for heart
problems
MRIs x-rays I was know my name in three
different years then it all came to a
head we were on a trip for my sister’s
16th birthday and my mom found my stash
of diet pills upon returning home
realizing she had taken them I pulled
out a bottle of 500 sleeping pills and
locked my doors that night my mom saved
my life the next day I was admitted to a
hospital for my first foray into
treatment now it didn’t last long in all
honesty I complied my way out
I was desperate to regain some form of
control over my life again
then after doubling my previous weight
loss in only two months my options were
either get sent across the country for
more treatment or work super hard
outpatient my super smart but very
malnourished and irrational brain didn’t
either I simply got better at hiding my
disorder over those next few years I
went from being homeschooled to public
school started college graduated high
school work breeding for jobs
simultaneously and I was gradually dying
I had no social life free time alone was
spent pushing my body to its limits more
and more trips to the gym were getting
cut short from fainting and falling off
the stair climber
I’ve lost my ability to focus and read I
was no longer able to communicate
properly with others and I wasn’t able
to stand for more than a few minutes at
a time to the point where the only way I
was allowed to participate in family
anorexia robbed me of my happiness and
memory of joy of visiting my sister
dorami of dancing and performing front
and center on the 50-yard line at the
Outback Bowl she stole from me my
happiness and ridding my room for
research at an Honors conference in
March my Nana and I bought a pair of
shoes to wear to my associates degree
graduation those shoes still sit at the
top of my closet unworn for I was not
able to attend him as he in April of
last year
my body couldn’t take anything anymore
and I was admitted to the hospital we’re
on the very first night I went code blue
my mom who’s my angel and she’s
literally walked with me every step
the way she was there that night and she
told me about it kind of like a Grey’s
Anatomy episode I went down when they
were trying to put a tube in and was
unresponsive the nurse hit the code blue
button and within seconds my room was
filled with doctors and nurses interns
AED machines social workers the whole
nine yards eventually I came to you but
my heart rate had dropped again in the
20s the next hour was a blur of
complication and medications my mom who
was sadly growing accustomed to seeing
her daughter like this stayed calm but
she told me what I needed to hear Lainey
she said you need to fight there’s a
problem getting a feeding tube in but I
wasn’t allowed to go to sleep until the
drip had started so I sat up asked if I
could dry and put the feeding tube in
myself at that point I began to fight
after that hospitalization I was
transferred to another treatment program
where I would spend my second
consecutive summer of Miss birthdays
swim miss family trips miss weddings I
missed out on so much but if I had
missed out on that in one summer
how much are they missed in ten years of
fighting sorry the truth I don’t know my
body and brain have been so deprived
during that time that what I call
memories are just bits and pieces of
stories and pictures others have shared
with me this by no means is actually
living it barely qualifies as surviving
but still I couldn’t see that an August
of this year I discharged from my most
recent treatment program and I get to
stand here in front of you less than a
year later to tell you the story of a
turtle fighting against the odds I by no
means recovered but I’m fighting to live
every day in some form of active
recovery whether it be by participating
in little things of self-harm reaching
out to friends or family for support
contracting my treatment team are simply
getting out of bed every morning I may
be in a dance of three steps forward two
steps backwards but eventually I will
break through this rough current it has
common thought to attribute sea turtles
to pull their head arms and legs inside
their shell for survival however that is
not the
just like one cannot simply eat to get
over an eating disorder turtles had to
face their problems head-on
they take on the snakes that try to
creep in and lure them away from the
ocean it just like interacts he came to
me pulling me closer to my death and
with empty promises of sweet nothings
they make it past the ghost crabs and
the seabirds they leave a turtle line
violated on its back with no hope of
continuing on like the way the hands of
another person perhaps even when he
trusts can they be feeling lost alone
was nothing left to give they push past
the pollution and filled water like the
shame and the guilt I had to get through
in order to seek help they make it past
the shallow waters and a big fish that
leave behind scrapes cuts and cracks
like the scars that still mark my body
from the times I’d lost all feeling and
desperately needed proof I was alive
then after their struggle and their last
years they returned home to nest in the
same location they were born just like
although I’ve been in my fight and lost
years for some time by the grace of God
I am that one in 1,000 that is working
on returning home to tell my story and
my travels across the sea now I know I
said I was an expert in surviving and
it’s true I have a 100 percent survival
rate but I’ve also been talking about
turtles so let me share with you today
my tips for survival through the analogy
of turtles number one obstacles are
inevitable but keep going the journal
don’t know when their predators are
coming or what they’re gonna have to
face next and you can keep going when a
situation is scary we can choose to be
overwhelmed by it or accept it for what
it is and figure out how to move forward
number two support is not a sign of
weakness sea turtles are an endangered
species and without the help of outside
human protection they will go extinct
don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for
help something I didn’t understand in
the depths of my disorder was that the
stigma and stereotyping of people and
their families with eating disorders was
a construct I bought into you that
ultimately
to be sick my disease was not a result
of neglectful parenting I was not being
self-centered
I was not attention seeking I was sick
and when you’re sick or hurt and we say
a broken foot two people tell you to get
over it to just walk but you’re a
horrible person because of a malfunction
in your skeletal structure no they don’t
they tell you to rest to take time to
take care of yourself and recover and
mental illness should be viewed no
differently as previously stated there
is a biological predisposition to
developing an eating disorder and
nowadays society as a whole is much more
open to talking about it and
understanding that this disease is not a
desire to be thin it is a maladaptive
coping mechanism for survival and
because of that it is critical to reach
out and ask for support this can be
found in places such as crisis lines the
National Eating Disorders Association
website local therapists are even the
website most treatment programs have
resources and ways you can receive help
if you are struggling you are not alone
people will walk with you every step of
the way I’m the most amazing support
system made up of friends and family who
call me out when I lose my way but they
welcome me back with open arms when I
was at my lowest and what I thought was
broken beyond repair I laid down my
control and said father it’s in your
hands now which brings me to number
three you are worthy
if God can spend so much time to take
care of an inch-long baby sea turtle
imagine the plans he has for you I’ve
been told over and over by medical
professionals that they have no idea how
I’m alive or how I survived but I choose
to believe that it’s because God has
bigger plans for me something I am still
slowly learning and if you are
struggling in any way please take this
with you simply being here and being
alive means you are worthy of every good
this world has to offer and lastly
number four resiliency is key
sea turtles have been around for
billions of years they outlive the
dinosaurs we as humans are far more
resilient than we will ever know and I’m
not saying go test out how strong or
unbreakable your physical being is but
know that whatever you come to you you
have the ability to recover and move
forward when a baby sea turtle hatches
all it knows is to listen to its primal
instinct to follow the light to get to
the sea and when she gets there
despite her struggle and her last year’s
she will find her way home all she has
to do is just keep swimming thank you so
much [Applause]
that embodies a journey of struggle to
survival to triumph today I’d like to
talk about sea turtles for starters here
are a few cool facts first after
hatching and entering the water up to
the first decade of a baby sea turtles
life is known as the last years this
time consists of travel and maturation
yet scientists don’t actually know where
they go or what happens in a sea turtles
life second it is estimated that only
one out of every thousand sea turtles
make it to adulthood one third though
that do survive can live up to an
average of 100 years and they cross
oceans many times over
now I’m no herpetologist or tested
monologist in fact the only thing I’m an
expert at is surviving so in doing
research for this presentation I came
across an article titled if you are born
a sea turtle the odds are never in your
favor and although statistically I know
that I didn’t know whether to take a
title was encouraging her disheartening
to think about you see sea turtles have
always been my analogy to tell my story
the right spirit animal per se it is
true until maturation around age 20
sea turtles are in a fight for their
life they are not likely to win and yet
some do and those who survive grow old
and wise flying through the ocean with
Beauty Grace and expertise my name is
Lanie Corrado and as an expert in
surviving things I shouldn’t have I’d
like to share my last years with you all
today to show you that the fight for
life is worth it now would you believe
me if I told you I graduated high school
and I was 16 would you believe me if I
told you I got my first college degree
the same year I got my driver’s license
would you believe me if I told you that
less than one year ago I was admitted to
the hospital and told what the path I
was on I had two weeks to live all of
these are true I’m 19 years old I’m a
junior in college I’ve stared death in
the face and I chose to come back you
see like a snake that preys on young
turtles anorexia nervosa crept into my
life one
I was only nine years old now I’ve been
told by several professionals that I’m
the poster child for developing an
eating disorder but how could this be
when I was spending my existence trying
to be the poster child for a student and
athlete a caretaker literally anything
that would show the world I was doing
what I was supposed to well that’s how I
started when I was nine I didn’t even
know what an eating disorder was I knew
food was something special it had rules
it could be earned as a reward or it
could be lost as a punishment I knew a
meal was complete when there was a
vegetable a protein and a starch present
I know my family is Italian so one of
the ways we show love is by making food
for somebody else
oh you don’t feel good here’s some of
Nana’s magical soup to make you feel
better oh you’re having a rough day
let’s bake something warm together to
make it better do you want to play
something with all of your siblings
let’s have a cooking competition food
has this magical way to bring people
together and convey a message of love
and care so then how did food become my
enemy simple it did it food was not the
root of the problem it was merely the
means through which I communicated I was
struggling so then how did would start
as a food game end up taking my life
almost a decade later well first let’s
start and look at some of the risk
factors for developing an eating
disorder
first and foremost genetics there is a
biological predisposition although it is
common thought that eating disorders are
a socio-cultural origin it is genetics
that load the gun and the environment
burns the trigger and it’s important to
note that just as death does not
discriminate
neither do eating disorders no matter
your race gender or socio-economic level
and although statistically we do see
higher fluctuations in certain
demographics that does not discredit the
very real battle of any given individual
who is struggling next we have
psychological factors such as
perfectionism or behavior and
flexibility we also have a familial or
personal history of anxiety depression
or eating disorders then we have our
commonly attributed factors such as an
idealization in the media social
pressure
negative effect parental separation and
maladaptive coping and finally we have
the combination of social environmental
factors such as trauma at the onset of
my eating disorder I checked that box
with a face only once now I stand here
as a survivor of the me2 movement eight
faces over now I’m all for making a list
to check things off to feel accomplished
but not for something that carried the
stigma that because I was struggling
that meant I was a bad person or
attention-seeking it was more than
waking up one morning and deciding not
to eat and it was bigger than what could
be fixed with just eat a burger so then
how did it end up this far well here’s
how it went
age 9 I started by skipping meals in
order to eat fewer numbers in the day
before adding on age 10 and 11 nighttime
wasn’t for sleep anymore it was for
exercising in the dark despite being
active the majority of the day
self-punishment went from digging and
nails and biting skin sketching tally
marks across my flesh covered
Battlefield age 12 disappointment at
myself for failing to comply with the
screeching in my head let me to look for
new answers face down in a toilet bowl
age 13 it still wasn’t enough on my 6
mile a day runs I would go to the
drugstore and scan the weight loss aisle
for diet pills ones I didn’t think would
do too much damage but would be enough
to tell the voices constantly telling me
I was worthless but at least I was
trying to be worth something
age 14 all caution to the wind I
upgraded my diet pills to a brand that
was about to be taken off the shelf you
did the damage as it caused I also began
inhaling handfuls of laxatives and this
year was my first of many attempts to
take my own life five years in each year
adding another layer of destruction my
body had had enough a broken ankle
fractured foot pulled ACL I was forced
to stop exercising two months of not
healing later I was diagnosed with Lyme
disease turned out to be the perfect
cover for my eating disorder over the
next four months I was in and out of the
hospital every other weekend for heart
problems
MRIs x-rays I was know my name in three
different years then it all came to a
head we were on a trip for my sister’s
16th birthday and my mom found my stash
of diet pills upon returning home
realizing she had taken them I pulled
out a bottle of 500 sleeping pills and
locked my doors that night my mom saved
my life the next day I was admitted to a
hospital for my first foray into
treatment now it didn’t last long in all
honesty I complied my way out
I was desperate to regain some form of
control over my life again
then after doubling my previous weight
loss in only two months my options were
either get sent across the country for
more treatment or work super hard
outpatient my super smart but very
malnourished and irrational brain didn’t
either I simply got better at hiding my
disorder over those next few years I
went from being homeschooled to public
school started college graduated high
school work breeding for jobs
simultaneously and I was gradually dying
I had no social life free time alone was
spent pushing my body to its limits more
and more trips to the gym were getting
cut short from fainting and falling off
the stair climber
I’ve lost my ability to focus and read I
was no longer able to communicate
properly with others and I wasn’t able
to stand for more than a few minutes at
a time to the point where the only way I
was allowed to participate in family
anorexia robbed me of my happiness and
memory of joy of visiting my sister
dorami of dancing and performing front
and center on the 50-yard line at the
Outback Bowl she stole from me my
happiness and ridding my room for
research at an Honors conference in
March my Nana and I bought a pair of
shoes to wear to my associates degree
graduation those shoes still sit at the
top of my closet unworn for I was not
able to attend him as he in April of
last year
my body couldn’t take anything anymore
and I was admitted to the hospital we’re
on the very first night I went code blue
my mom who’s my angel and she’s
literally walked with me every step
the way she was there that night and she
told me about it kind of like a Grey’s
Anatomy episode I went down when they
were trying to put a tube in and was
unresponsive the nurse hit the code blue
button and within seconds my room was
filled with doctors and nurses interns
AED machines social workers the whole
nine yards eventually I came to you but
my heart rate had dropped again in the
20s the next hour was a blur of
complication and medications my mom who
was sadly growing accustomed to seeing
her daughter like this stayed calm but
she told me what I needed to hear Lainey
she said you need to fight there’s a
problem getting a feeding tube in but I
wasn’t allowed to go to sleep until the
drip had started so I sat up asked if I
could dry and put the feeding tube in
myself at that point I began to fight
after that hospitalization I was
transferred to another treatment program
where I would spend my second
consecutive summer of Miss birthdays
swim miss family trips miss weddings I
missed out on so much but if I had
missed out on that in one summer
how much are they missed in ten years of
fighting sorry the truth I don’t know my
body and brain have been so deprived
during that time that what I call
memories are just bits and pieces of
stories and pictures others have shared
with me this by no means is actually
living it barely qualifies as surviving
but still I couldn’t see that an August
of this year I discharged from my most
recent treatment program and I get to
stand here in front of you less than a
year later to tell you the story of a
turtle fighting against the odds I by no
means recovered but I’m fighting to live
every day in some form of active
recovery whether it be by participating
in little things of self-harm reaching
out to friends or family for support
contracting my treatment team are simply
getting out of bed every morning I may
be in a dance of three steps forward two
steps backwards but eventually I will
break through this rough current it has
common thought to attribute sea turtles
to pull their head arms and legs inside
their shell for survival however that is
not the
just like one cannot simply eat to get
over an eating disorder turtles had to
face their problems head-on
they take on the snakes that try to
creep in and lure them away from the
ocean it just like interacts he came to
me pulling me closer to my death and
with empty promises of sweet nothings
they make it past the ghost crabs and
the seabirds they leave a turtle line
violated on its back with no hope of
continuing on like the way the hands of
another person perhaps even when he
trusts can they be feeling lost alone
was nothing left to give they push past
the pollution and filled water like the
shame and the guilt I had to get through
in order to seek help they make it past
the shallow waters and a big fish that
leave behind scrapes cuts and cracks
like the scars that still mark my body
from the times I’d lost all feeling and
desperately needed proof I was alive
then after their struggle and their last
years they returned home to nest in the
same location they were born just like
although I’ve been in my fight and lost
years for some time by the grace of God
I am that one in 1,000 that is working
on returning home to tell my story and
my travels across the sea now I know I
said I was an expert in surviving and
it’s true I have a 100 percent survival
rate but I’ve also been talking about
turtles so let me share with you today
my tips for survival through the analogy
of turtles number one obstacles are
inevitable but keep going the journal
don’t know when their predators are
coming or what they’re gonna have to
face next and you can keep going when a
situation is scary we can choose to be
overwhelmed by it or accept it for what
it is and figure out how to move forward
number two support is not a sign of
weakness sea turtles are an endangered
species and without the help of outside
human protection they will go extinct
don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for
help something I didn’t understand in
the depths of my disorder was that the
stigma and stereotyping of people and
their families with eating disorders was
a construct I bought into you that
ultimately
to be sick my disease was not a result
of neglectful parenting I was not being
self-centered
I was not attention seeking I was sick
and when you’re sick or hurt and we say
a broken foot two people tell you to get
over it to just walk but you’re a
horrible person because of a malfunction
in your skeletal structure no they don’t
they tell you to rest to take time to
take care of yourself and recover and
mental illness should be viewed no
differently as previously stated there
is a biological predisposition to
developing an eating disorder and
nowadays society as a whole is much more
open to talking about it and
understanding that this disease is not a
desire to be thin it is a maladaptive
coping mechanism for survival and
because of that it is critical to reach
out and ask for support this can be
found in places such as crisis lines the
National Eating Disorders Association
website local therapists are even the
website most treatment programs have
resources and ways you can receive help
if you are struggling you are not alone
people will walk with you every step of
the way I’m the most amazing support
system made up of friends and family who
call me out when I lose my way but they
welcome me back with open arms when I
was at my lowest and what I thought was
broken beyond repair I laid down my
control and said father it’s in your
hands now which brings me to number
three you are worthy
if God can spend so much time to take
care of an inch-long baby sea turtle
imagine the plans he has for you I’ve
been told over and over by medical
professionals that they have no idea how
I’m alive or how I survived but I choose
to believe that it’s because God has
bigger plans for me something I am still
slowly learning and if you are
struggling in any way please take this
with you simply being here and being
alive means you are worthy of every good
this world has to offer and lastly
number four resiliency is key
sea turtles have been around for
billions of years they outlive the
dinosaurs we as humans are far more
resilient than we will ever know and I’m
not saying go test out how strong or
unbreakable your physical being is but
know that whatever you come to you you
have the ability to recover and move
forward when a baby sea turtle hatches
all it knows is to listen to its primal
instinct to follow the light to get to
the sea and when she gets there
despite her struggle and her last year’s
she will find her way home all she has
to do is just keep swimming thank you so
much [Applause]
Please follow and like us: