beautiful cancer now that’s not
something you hear every day is it in
fact it’s rather absurd
but three years ago I was diagnosed with
cancer and my experience was amazing
awesome and yes beautiful while going
through cancer I thought all the other
cancer patients were having the same
experience it wasn’t until much later I
discovered that my experience was unique
and I decided it was important to share
how and why with others so let me take
you to the beginning of my story I woke
up one morning with one really weird
symptom it was just weird enough I knew
I needed to see a doctor my doctor
recommended a specialist and the
specialist recommended a series of tests
it would be two long weeks before I’d
have the tests and get the results so
being the very impatient yet very
intelligent woman I am I went to dr.
Google I entered my one weird symptom
into the Google search bar and the
result was bladder cancer wait what
bladder cancer holy freakin crap bladder
cancer I didn’t go to dr. Google just
once I went over and over and over again
every day multiple times a day for two
solid weeks and the same search result
kept appearing bladder cancer well it
felt like it took forever but the two
weeks finally passed and the day came
for me to have the tests and get the
result I was about as
paired as any human being could be you
see I’m a total book nerd and It was as
if all the books authors editors and
publishers had prepared me for this one
moment they would be my guide on this
journey Sheryl Sandberg said lean in I
could do that Oprah Winfrey said embrace
it well I could do that too and Pema
Chodron
if you don’t know Pema Chodron she’s
like this little Tibetan Buddhist Yoda
and Pema teaches that everything in life
is a lesson and now it was time for me
to apply everything I have read to this
journey the tests confirmed cancer but I
was prepared you see I had a plan I
could focus on the darkness of my
situation or I could focus on the light
side the brighter side and if I would
focus on the light side I would find
more light because we get more of what
we focus on that’s how our brains work
I’d like to prove my point
indulge me by participating in a little
experiment with me I want you to look
around the room and count silently and
to yourselves everything that you see
that is the color red hurry up go ahead
start counting everything you see in red
now stop counting you’ve had enough time
now we’re all going to close our eyes
and I want you to imagine everything you
saw that is the color yellow I know
right open your eyes you couldn’t think
of anything yellow
because you had only been focused unread
we get more of what we focus on our
focus perspective and attitude alters
our experience while going through
cancer a lot of my friends congratulated
me on my attitude they said things like
good job Jamie
attitude is everything you got this girl
I felt encouraged but one man looked at
me and a complete honesty and sincerity
said Jamie cancer doesn’t give a crap
about your attitude I was like – whoa
chill out
too often we let other people influence
our paths instead of creating our own
journey I knew that the words I would
choose would hold great power over
shaping my experience the word cancer
all by itself has power and when we
combine it with other words we give it
even more power well I didn’t want to
fight it battle it or effort I wanted
something better than just fighting
cancer I wanted something I knew for
sure I could win so I considered my
cancer as a life-changing growth
opportunity instead words like cancer
journey cancer adventure and cancer
experience were more meaningful to me my
doctor referred to my cancer is angry
and aggressive those words didn’t
resonate with me I refer to my cancer as
ambitious outgoing and a real
overachiever
[Applause]
words have power and helped to make my
cancer journey beautiful but I will
share with you that when you first get
diagnosed with cancer it hijacks and
consumes every thought I didn’t want to
think about cancer but I couldn’t help
it it was overwhelming
well I had read a lot of business books
on how to handle an overwhelming project
or business goal so I had the crazy
notion to combine business strategies
with cancer hear me out when you have a
big business project or goal it’s
important that you set aside time to
create a strategic plan you need to set
aside a time to plan a step-by-step
process on how you’re going to achieve
that goal then you need to focus and
imagine the ultimate outcome you hope to
achieve and finally you need to revisit
that plan on a regular basis well this
seemed like a way to make my worrying
stop so every morning for five minutes I
would hold a strategic planning session
with cancer I would go into my living
room and I would sit in a special chair
it’s the chair nobody sits in because
it’s a fancy-schmancy antique chair but
it became my space to be with cancer I
would sit in that chair and I would talk
out loud as if cancer was in the room
with me
I would articulate my fears and I would
come up with solutions for the things I
was afraid of I was afraid of going bald
so my solution was to create a Pinterest
board of beautiful wigs that I would buy
if I lost on my hair I was afraid that
chemo would make me throw up people this
is serious stuff I hate to throw up
solution well I had never smoked pot
before but I hear it helps with nausea
and if smoking pot would keep me from
throwing up booyah smoking pot was gonna
be my solution I was prepared to roll a
big fat joint and when I thought about
the possibility and my fear that cancer
could take my life I had no solution
there was no control over that outcome
so my only option was to turn that fear
over to my Creator and this brought me
beautiful peace and every morning after
five minutes of these strategic planning
sessions my fears would be relieved at
least for the moment and I could let go
of cancer and I could move on and have a
beautiful day not long into my cancer
journey I was having lunch with my
friend Kim she’s the executive director
of a cancer Resource Center I shared
with Kim that I was struggling with
keeping cancer private she told me that
people who go through cancer alone or
who try to keep it private might suffer
from PTSD later on PTSD like I really
wanted to add that to this whole cancer
thing
so I openly shared my diagnosis with my
community who quickly lightened my load
their love and support was beautiful and
made my cancer journey easier my friend
Jackie and I created a new kind of
therapy for processing
my painful emotions we called it ugly
crying and swearing there we were crying
buckets and buckets of tears of sadness
and disappointment while at the very
same time dropping the f-bomb over and
over and over again sharing my raw real
painful emotions with a dear precious
friend was a beautiful experience my
closest friends became like sisters and
my sister became my closest and most
trusted friend and my son my great big
carefree manchild son became my hero
there was something beautiful about my
cancer journey every single day people
our lives are made up of balance the
balance of light and dark for everything
that is ugly and scary
there is also beauty there is beauty in
the messy chaotic process of life there
is beauty and pain and struggle in fear
and uncertainty and trust acceptance and
surrender to our Creator and there is
profound beauty in saying goodbye and
letting go I could tell you about the
struggles I had while going through
cancer but I won’t because those aren’t
my most significant memories I was
focused on amazing awesome and beautiful
and that’s what I got
beautiful cancer now that’s an idea
worth sharing [Applause]
something you hear every day is it in
fact it’s rather absurd
but three years ago I was diagnosed with
cancer and my experience was amazing
awesome and yes beautiful while going
through cancer I thought all the other
cancer patients were having the same
experience it wasn’t until much later I
discovered that my experience was unique
and I decided it was important to share
how and why with others so let me take
you to the beginning of my story I woke
up one morning with one really weird
symptom it was just weird enough I knew
I needed to see a doctor my doctor
recommended a specialist and the
specialist recommended a series of tests
it would be two long weeks before I’d
have the tests and get the results so
being the very impatient yet very
intelligent woman I am I went to dr.
Google I entered my one weird symptom
into the Google search bar and the
result was bladder cancer wait what
bladder cancer holy freakin crap bladder
cancer I didn’t go to dr. Google just
once I went over and over and over again
every day multiple times a day for two
solid weeks and the same search result
kept appearing bladder cancer well it
felt like it took forever but the two
weeks finally passed and the day came
for me to have the tests and get the
result I was about as
paired as any human being could be you
see I’m a total book nerd and It was as
if all the books authors editors and
publishers had prepared me for this one
moment they would be my guide on this
journey Sheryl Sandberg said lean in I
could do that Oprah Winfrey said embrace
it well I could do that too and Pema
Chodron
if you don’t know Pema Chodron she’s
like this little Tibetan Buddhist Yoda
and Pema teaches that everything in life
is a lesson and now it was time for me
to apply everything I have read to this
journey the tests confirmed cancer but I
was prepared you see I had a plan I
could focus on the darkness of my
situation or I could focus on the light
side the brighter side and if I would
focus on the light side I would find
more light because we get more of what
we focus on that’s how our brains work
I’d like to prove my point
indulge me by participating in a little
experiment with me I want you to look
around the room and count silently and
to yourselves everything that you see
that is the color red hurry up go ahead
start counting everything you see in red
now stop counting you’ve had enough time
now we’re all going to close our eyes
and I want you to imagine everything you
saw that is the color yellow I know
right open your eyes you couldn’t think
of anything yellow
because you had only been focused unread
we get more of what we focus on our
focus perspective and attitude alters
our experience while going through
cancer a lot of my friends congratulated
me on my attitude they said things like
good job Jamie
attitude is everything you got this girl
I felt encouraged but one man looked at
me and a complete honesty and sincerity
said Jamie cancer doesn’t give a crap
about your attitude I was like – whoa
chill out
too often we let other people influence
our paths instead of creating our own
journey I knew that the words I would
choose would hold great power over
shaping my experience the word cancer
all by itself has power and when we
combine it with other words we give it
even more power well I didn’t want to
fight it battle it or effort I wanted
something better than just fighting
cancer I wanted something I knew for
sure I could win so I considered my
cancer as a life-changing growth
opportunity instead words like cancer
journey cancer adventure and cancer
experience were more meaningful to me my
doctor referred to my cancer is angry
and aggressive those words didn’t
resonate with me I refer to my cancer as
ambitious outgoing and a real
overachiever
[Applause]
words have power and helped to make my
cancer journey beautiful but I will
share with you that when you first get
diagnosed with cancer it hijacks and
consumes every thought I didn’t want to
think about cancer but I couldn’t help
it it was overwhelming
well I had read a lot of business books
on how to handle an overwhelming project
or business goal so I had the crazy
notion to combine business strategies
with cancer hear me out when you have a
big business project or goal it’s
important that you set aside time to
create a strategic plan you need to set
aside a time to plan a step-by-step
process on how you’re going to achieve
that goal then you need to focus and
imagine the ultimate outcome you hope to
achieve and finally you need to revisit
that plan on a regular basis well this
seemed like a way to make my worrying
stop so every morning for five minutes I
would hold a strategic planning session
with cancer I would go into my living
room and I would sit in a special chair
it’s the chair nobody sits in because
it’s a fancy-schmancy antique chair but
it became my space to be with cancer I
would sit in that chair and I would talk
out loud as if cancer was in the room
with me
I would articulate my fears and I would
come up with solutions for the things I
was afraid of I was afraid of going bald
so my solution was to create a Pinterest
board of beautiful wigs that I would buy
if I lost on my hair I was afraid that
chemo would make me throw up people this
is serious stuff I hate to throw up
solution well I had never smoked pot
before but I hear it helps with nausea
and if smoking pot would keep me from
throwing up booyah smoking pot was gonna
be my solution I was prepared to roll a
big fat joint and when I thought about
the possibility and my fear that cancer
could take my life I had no solution
there was no control over that outcome
so my only option was to turn that fear
over to my Creator and this brought me
beautiful peace and every morning after
five minutes of these strategic planning
sessions my fears would be relieved at
least for the moment and I could let go
of cancer and I could move on and have a
beautiful day not long into my cancer
journey I was having lunch with my
friend Kim she’s the executive director
of a cancer Resource Center I shared
with Kim that I was struggling with
keeping cancer private she told me that
people who go through cancer alone or
who try to keep it private might suffer
from PTSD later on PTSD like I really
wanted to add that to this whole cancer
thing
so I openly shared my diagnosis with my
community who quickly lightened my load
their love and support was beautiful and
made my cancer journey easier my friend
Jackie and I created a new kind of
therapy for processing
my painful emotions we called it ugly
crying and swearing there we were crying
buckets and buckets of tears of sadness
and disappointment while at the very
same time dropping the f-bomb over and
over and over again sharing my raw real
painful emotions with a dear precious
friend was a beautiful experience my
closest friends became like sisters and
my sister became my closest and most
trusted friend and my son my great big
carefree manchild son became my hero
there was something beautiful about my
cancer journey every single day people
our lives are made up of balance the
balance of light and dark for everything
that is ugly and scary
there is also beauty there is beauty in
the messy chaotic process of life there
is beauty and pain and struggle in fear
and uncertainty and trust acceptance and
surrender to our Creator and there is
profound beauty in saying goodbye and
letting go I could tell you about the
struggles I had while going through
cancer but I won’t because those aren’t
my most significant memories I was
focused on amazing awesome and beautiful
and that’s what I got
beautiful cancer now that’s an idea
worth sharing [Applause]
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